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Original poster

WWYD? Leaving small kids for 2 nights

101 replies

TheHeartGoesLast · 19/12/2021 23:06

DH and I are going to a wedding next week, which is a 4 hour drive away and will necessitate a 2 night stay. Children are not invited. This is will mean leaving my 1 and 3 year old with their grandparents (who we see regularly and they have a good relationship with) for 2 nights.

I have only spent one night away from DS, and none from DD. They are both creatures of habit and v attached to me. Is this going to scar them forever? I'm worried about traumatising them, I know at some point they'll be upset I'm not there. I'm really stressed about it. Would you go?

OP posts:
Original poster
TheHeartGoesLast · 20/12/2021 08:54

Thanks all. I am having a wobble about leaving them, but agree with the majority consensus that I'm being a bit silly worrying this much. If they really were that upset I could always drive home too.

Both go to nursery two days a week and have settled (although it took my 3 year old a while), so they are used to being away from me for periods of time.

I would never just turn up with them, regardless of age!

I'm not sure when would be my ideal time to leave them overnight, I think maybe I should push myself now or I'll be fretting about it when they're 15 Blush

OP posts:
deeedeee · 20/12/2021 09:06

Yes push yourself a little out if your comfort zone. It’ll be worth it! X

greenlynx · 20/12/2021 09:20

I think 2 nights might be too much for GPs so if one night is workable somehow I would do it. When my relative had her grandson (3) for a night first few times he woke up several times so she was very exhausted next day. She said that 2 nights would be impossible for her. She’s healthy 60 y.o.

To help with things I would write down all details of their bedtime, maybe take their bedding to GPs’ house as well to minimize differences.

MyOtherProfile · 20/12/2021 09:24

It's really good for them to be close to their extended family. It also means if ever you needed a hospital stay or something and your DH was with you then you would know they would be fine.

emmathedilemma · 20/12/2021 09:27

Scar them forever.......are you serious?? They'll probably have a ball and not want to go home!!

BeeDavis · 20/12/2021 09:29

My little boy is 12 weeks old and me and my fiancé had our first night away from him last weekend. In my opinion it’s not healthy to never be away from your children or them never be away from you. It’ll only cause problems in the long run! What if you ever had to be in hospital unexpectedly overnight without them? I’d hardly say it will be traumatic for them!!

ShinyMe · 20/12/2021 09:31

I stayed with grandparents for a month when I was about 18 months old, while my parents worked abroad. I loved it apparently and was spoiled rotten, and always loved spending time with them after that, and it didn't scar me or spoil my relationship with my parents. I think it helped make me really independent, I was never anxious about being away from my parents on things like school trips or sleepovers.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 20/12/2021 10:13

TBH I would have regretfully declined the invitation in the first place. I dare say dcs would have been fine with GPs, but I really wouldn’t have felt happy to leave them.

If you’re going to change your mind about going, do please tell them ASAP, before they’re obliged to order and pay for more meals than they’re going to need.

mindutopia · 20/12/2021 10:16

They'll be absolutely fine. Your parents frankly may be exhausted, but dc will be fine.

underneaththeash · 20/12/2021 10:17

Of course they’ll be fine OP.
Enjoy the wedding.

sweetpopcorn86 · 20/12/2021 12:14

I think it's completely fine

Georgeskitchen · 20/12/2021 12:41

I doubt they will be scarred for life.
They will have forgotten within a week. They might just actually enjoy it!!

superram · 20/12/2021 12:43

I think it’s really important for my marriage that I get away and spend time alone with dh. I think my first was about 6 months? She’s a stroppy teenager now but I don’t think it’s because I left her.

Notimeforaname · 20/12/2021 12:47

You will not scar your children for life.

Incywinceyspider · 20/12/2021 12:55

They'll be fine I left my DS for 2 nights in the summer when he was about 20 months. He wasn't bothered and it certainly hasn't caused attachment issues. I doubt he even remembers now.

Thisismyrecipe · 20/12/2021 12:59

I have a wedding to go to tomorrow and the kids I'm leaving with my partners parents are 3 and 6m. I honestly thought oh my god did I write this last night Grin
Exactly the same circumstances re travelling so far too!
But yeah I'd do it, they will be distracted by loads of things with the grandparents. I'd think Christmas is an easier time to take their mind off your absence tbh.

Hankunamatata · 20/12/2021 13:06

My kids like their grandparents more than me! They will be fine

Marvellousmadness · 20/12/2021 13:12

"Scar them for life" really?
My mum dumped me at a church when I was 1 day old and never came back for me. Now that's "scarring for life "material ... a weekend at their grandparents will be fun!
I know your life revolves around them but dont forget that you should have a life outside of the kids too. It's healthy and good for yourself and your relationship.

Feetupteashot · 20/12/2021 13:16

You'll miss then terribly but expect they'll have a lovely time!

If so then it reflects secure attachment to you as they know you would come back :)

Feetupteashot · 20/12/2021 13:17

@Marvellousmadness sorry to hear that, hope someone was kind to you after x x

1forAll74 · 20/12/2021 13:29

Of course it won't scar your children for life, how silly. I would assume that Grandparents would be able to pacify the little ones, if they got a bit upset being away from you, and they will know how to entertain the little ones,

AryaStarkWolf · 20/12/2021 13:30

They'll be fine with their grandparents, of course they won't be scarred for life fgs!

lovemelongtime · 20/12/2021 13:30

Seriously ??? come on OP , overnighters at GPs used to be a treat when I was little - and if they are that attached that you are worried then its time to loosen the reins a bit.

But dont worry bcoz it will be cancelled anyway.

LittleGwyneth · 20/12/2021 13:31

I think you need to put the gentle parenting kool-aid down and stop worrying about attachment issues. It's good for children to know that they're not your entire life, and that you have wants and needs outside of them. Trauma is caused by consistent, repetitive issues. Not the occasional trip to see the grandparents when you'd rather have your mum and dad. It's a great chance for them to develop some resilience.

helpfulperson · 20/12/2021 14:00

There is a lot of misunderstanding about attachment. A secure attachment is built by being able to trust that their needs will be met. So them knowing that if you aren't there grandparents will also do this is an important part of it.

Go and enjoy.