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Original poster

WWYD? Leaving small kids for 2 nights

101 replies

TheHeartGoesLast · 19/12/2021 23:06

DH and I are going to a wedding next week, which is a 4 hour drive away and will necessitate a 2 night stay. Children are not invited. This is will mean leaving my 1 and 3 year old with their grandparents (who we see regularly and they have a good relationship with) for 2 nights.

I have only spent one night away from DS, and none from DD. They are both creatures of habit and v attached to me. Is this going to scar them forever? I'm worried about traumatising them, I know at some point they'll be upset I'm not there. I'm really stressed about it. Would you go?

OP posts:
LowlyTheWorm · 20/12/2021 07:19

Not wanting to leave your child under 3 really isn’t a sign of an unhealthy attachment at all- it’s perfectly normal and actually people leaving their weeks old babies is not the biological norm.
The argument about if a child can’t remember things it isn’t trauma is also not true. If a one year old in inconsolable for a few ours they will be traumatised by it but not forever, but they may be very clingy and upset for a while on their parents return.
As a grandparent of a little and very attached almost 1 year old I would have wanted to have a trial one night before trying two. Mine is BF though so clearly harder to emulate that as a Grandma.
@TheHeartGoesLast how does the wee one sleep? How do they settle and go back to sleep? Could you fit in an overnight to see how they are? Or could covid be an ideal excuse to cancel?

HelloDulling · 20/12/2021 07:20

Hopefully you wouldn’t decide that with only a few days to go, having accepted the invitation.

Chewbunn · 20/12/2021 07:23

@NoSquirrels

I am worried about traumatising them and causing attachment issues

It’s not traumatic and you won’t cause attachment issues.

Honestly.

Truly.

Two nights with grandparents they love is not a cause of trauma.

Exactly this.

If you genuinely don't want to then don't, but don't feel you can't because of this.

invisiblereally · 20/12/2021 07:24

No it won't "scar your DCs for life"! You're not abandoning them, they'll be in the warm and loving care of their grandparents who they know and love.

Whether wedding goes ahead of not, if is imminent circuit breaker, is a different matter ...

Heepers · 20/12/2021 07:28

They'll be fine. I'd be more worried about the grandparents tbh.

deeedeee · 20/12/2021 07:29

Do it! It’ll be stressful and you’ll not 100% enjoy it, but the kids will be fine and it’s far kinder to them to start getting them used to being looked after by other people when they are little than when they are older. It means that if there’s circumstances in the future where they need to be looked after by others then it won’t be difficult for them, you’re gifting them flexibility, resilience and confidence! And also of course gifting them the boon of a loving relationship with their grandparents and another place to feel safe and loved! Do it and do it regularly.

SoftPillow · 20/12/2021 07:30

You can't seriously expect that they'll be scarred for life from spending two days with their grandparents.

Obviously don't go if you don't want to, but that's complete nonsense.

Laughing at the imagine of a 50yr old in therapy saying 'I think the crux of all my issues stems from when my parents when to a wedding when I was 1' 😂

JSL52 · 20/12/2021 07:34

@TheHeartGoesLast

They'll be staying at their GPs. I don't think they'd recamp to an air bnb for 2 nights and who could blame them, I would feel so cheeky even asking.

I am a worrier and I might be overthinking things. I am worried about traumatising them and causing attachment issues Xmas Blush I feel reassured that some obviously think this is a bit of an over reaction!

Sorry but yes a massive overreaction.
sashh · 20/12/2021 07:34

I loved staying with my grand parents, it didn't happen enough.

GoodnightGrandma · 20/12/2021 07:35

If I were you I wouldn’t go. You’re going to spend the entire time worrying.

Dollywilde · 20/12/2021 07:37

Personally I wouldn’t worry about it, we left our 15 month old with her much loved grandma for 2 nights last month to stay at an adults only hotel (which had been meant to happen in April 2020 when I was pregnant with her but… obviously never happened). They had a fantastic time and she had a lovely bond with grandma - I think the secret to this stuff is building up gradually, and it’s in everyone’s best interest to develop a relationship between them.

Am now pregnant with #2 and I sincerely hope that by the time they are 1 and 3 we all feel comfortable with granny having them for an overnight, but that’s just me!

RaininSummer · 20/12/2021 07:38

They will be fine but the grandparents will be shattered and traumatised I expect. As a grandparent, I really wouldn't want to be in a b and b caring for two tiny children though especially the week before Christmas.

Okbutnotgreat · 20/12/2021 07:40

@mumofEandE

Good Grief
This!
Shoxfordian · 20/12/2021 07:45

They’ll be fine; go and have a good time

Definitely don’t turn up with them anyway like one post said

MeanMrMustardSeed · 20/12/2021 07:52

As you've accepted the invitation, then of course you must go. Only an emergency situation would be an acceptable reason to cancel now. And even then, at least one of you should try and attend in that circumstance.

You would have been entirely reasonable to turn down the invitation at the time, for any reason, but especially as you have two young children and it’s a child free wedding.

As a previous poster says, I’d be more concerned about your parents being traumatised! Smile

bucketsoflove · 20/12/2021 07:55

They will be absolutely fine and it's good for you and your DH to prioritise yourselves and each other sometimes.

It's good for DC to learn some adaptability as well, the longer you leave it before doing this makes it even harder

Have fun

deeedeee · 20/12/2021 07:56

And You’re incredibly lucky that you have some grandparents that want to and are able to look after your children!

It did sometimes feel like too much stress when the kids were little to arrange to get them looked after and spend the time away worrying about them. BUT it would have been selfish of me to deny them the chance to feel safe and confident and lived without me. Sorry for beng morbid and dramatic, but what if you couldn’t look after them because you were ill or had an accident? What if you had to leave them for a couple of nights for a traumatic unavoidable reason? Wouldn’t your rather give them the chance to experience being looked after by loving family when it doesn’t matter too much than wait for when it was necessary?

You can never have too many places to feel safe and loved. It’s selfish to stop your children having that because of your own comfort.

SNUG2022 · 20/12/2021 08:04

It will be fine! Enjoy the break!

ThinWomansBrain · 20/12/2021 08:04

I was about 4 when my mum was knocked off her bike by a petrol tanker and was in hospital for two weeks - stayed with GPs.
Why on earth would they be 'traumatised'?

I think my mum was more traumatised because my nan was unable to keep my sit-onable length hair tangle free, and my mum with injured arm couldn;t sort it, so I had to have it all cut off.

ThinWomansBrain · 20/12/2021 08:06

tell them it's because father christmas needs somewhere to stay before christmas eve

dancingbymyself · 20/12/2021 08:07

I can understand it must be nerve-wracking to leave them overnight for the first time, but:

  • you must think there are an awful lot of traumatised people roaming around if you believe this can cause trauma Smile
  • when would you have planned for them to have their first overnight experience?
  • can you break down for yourself which bit you think could be traumatic for them? (NB this should be different to 'a bit upset', such as when they say goodbye to you
  • can you recognise there is some ego in that your children can only be happy if with you? And how restrictive that is for you and them?

None of this is meant snarkily, btw. It's just trying to channel your thoughts from general anxiety to concrete concerns.

Twizbe · 20/12/2021 08:08

I left mine at this age for a mumcation. They were fine and had a whale of a time with Granny and Grandpa.

It's ok though if you're not ready to leave them.

ShoesEverywhere · 20/12/2021 08:29

I left my one year old for a couple of days for a romantic holiday - I'd just advise to not put your husband in charge of packing the breast pump (mine forgot a small bit crucial bit that led to a lot of hand expressing into a bowl).

Said child is now still attached at the hip so I don't think it did him any damage!

luckylavender · 20/12/2021 08:33

@Anaximedes - that's a very selfish attitude. No children means no children.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 20/12/2021 08:48

I think it’s absolutely fine! They already have a good relationship with GPs so won’t be a problem

There is the risk it’ll be called off due to covid but at the moment everything feels like a “maybe”!

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