WWYD? Leaving small kids for 2 nights

[TheHeartGoesLast]

DH and I are going to a wedding next week, which is a 4 hour drive away and will necessitate a 2 night stay. Children are not invited. This is will mean leaving my 1 and 3 year old with their grandparents (who we see regularly and they have a good relationship with) for 2 nights.

I have only spent one night away from DS, and none from DD. They are both creatures of habit and v attached to me. Is this going to scar them forever? I'm worried about traumatising them, I know at some point they'll be upset I'm not there. I'm really stressed about it. Would you go?

As long as grandparents are fine with it I'd just go. I had to do a lot of residential work courses when mine were that age and they were fine and prob don't even remember it

1 and 3? Not for 2 nights. But that's me. Even my hen do was 1 night. Not because I was worried I'd scar them, I just didn't want to.

A couple of nights with Grandparents will do them no harm at all!

However, with this much omicron around, do you really want to take the risk? I personally wouldn't. If you do, mind who you're with over Christmas!! & keep doing LFT's.

I think COVID rather than trauma will be the issue

It won't scar them for life.

But I have kids of similar ages and personally I couldn't leave them 2 nights yet. I would if it was with my partner (their dad) but anyone else and I wouldn't be able to relax for that long.

But maybe that's because my parents are loving but not overly competent and parts of childcare. If I truly trusted they'd manage well maybe I'd feel differently

Op it's two nights they'll be fine.
Fingers crossed the wedding goes ahead.

I think the great thing here is they have the familiarity of each other. That will help.

My mum went to Barbados for 2 weeks when me and my brother were little. Spent the first week with one grandmother and the next with my other grandparents. I still remember it vividly as a lovely experience and, apart from my nan making me eat weetabix mixed with warm water for my breakfast, it is one of my fondest memories. If they are with loving grandparents especially with Christmas to distract them they will probably not even realise you have gone.

My DD stayed with her grandparents for 9 nights when me and DH went on honeymoon . She was 4. She thought she was getting the best deal and that SHE was having a holiday. She was spoilt rotten and had the best time. Your DC will too! Have a nice time with your DH.

If it was me I'd take my 1-year-old anyway, along with arranging and paying for any food and drink they needed myself with the hotel. Unless the wedding was on a boat or somewhere else that was really not suitable for children. In my world, 'babes-in-arms' up to 1+ (depending on the exact circumstances) are or should be still welcome at otherwise child-free events.

Anyone who expects you to leave your 1-year-old to come to their wedding is not anyone I'd want to associate with your friend IMO.

OTOH I do not think you are doing the wrong thing to have your parents look after both the children for 2 nights if you want to go and have a child-free mini-break, at this stage and given their close relationship.

Sounds like bonkers wedding at Christmas, without children, in a pandemic.

The children won't be scarred but the bride and groom may well be when they start getting the guests dropping out ...

Don't be ridiculous. They'll be fine. They'll have a lovely time with their grandparents and you'll have a very welcome break. They don't need to be tied to you and it's far better for children to have multiple influences and relationships in their lives rather than just you.

@TheHeartGoesLast

They'll be staying at their GPs. I don't think they'd recamp to an air bnb for 2 nights and who could blame them, I would feel so cheeky even asking.

I am a worrier and I might be overthinking things. I am worried about traumatising them and causing attachment issues I feel reassured that some obviously think this is a bit of an over reaction!

I think you may cause attachment issues by being so over protective and never leaving them!

@KILNAMATRA

Would you hire Airbnb near venue and then you could pop in and out? Ask grandparents to stay there to mind kids? If you’re worried?

We’ve done this before and it worked really well. The children were happy and settled and we were able to do some fun things on either side of the wedding. It was like a little mini break :)

Honestly 2 nights with grandparents they know well and have stayed with before absolutely no problem. They'll love it ! They might have the odd wobble but it sounds like you and grandparent's are very happy they can keep them occupied and happy. This sounds like understandable last minute nerves.

Surely the time to have made this decision was when then wedding invite arrived and you made the booking? Not two days beforehand?

If you're luck is anything like mine, one of your DC will come down and D&V and you won't be able to go. I'd waited 2 years for a wedding recently thanks to covid and DS2 came down with D&V the day before.

But if you're kids are well and fine, just go!

With all due respect, it sounds like maybe you're the one with attachment issues. Please don't be offended as I'm speaking solely from experience. I was the same about DD up until she was about 2 years old. Nothing wrong with being overprotective, I would choose that any day over being the opposite (which I see far too much of these days). But speaking as someone who has experienced exactly this, please try to relax and go to the wedding and enjoy yourself. Facetime every couple of hours if you have to! That's what helped me! Also, as other pp's have suggested, there's a slight chance the wedding may actually end up being cancelled. Relax, everything will be fine!

We left our children with MIL, had no hesitation whatsoever, she looked after them in our home. I had total faith in her, she was a wonderful MIL to me & nanny to my boys. We miss her very much.

You won't traumatise them, they'll be absolutely fine!

However, I would only have gone if I really wanted to go to the wedding as I found it stressful leaving my DC at that age.

If you leave them near their bedtime on the first night and come back at lunchtime after the second night it's only a day and a half.

@TheHeartGoesLast I think you’ll find this article on separation anxiety and how to help babies and toddlers cope with being away from mum and dad helpful.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/baby/babys-development/behaviour/separation-anxiety/

They will be absolutely fine. Honestly.

We did at that age and more than once for various reasons (work trips, weddings etc)
They were fine - they loved being with grandparents, we enjoyed a few days off. Many years later they certainly show no signs of being scarred - I don’t even think they remember and have happily stayed away regularly since then.

I wouldn't go.
The wedding couple could do without me if my small children couldn't come.

If it was me I'd take my 1-year-old anyway, along with arranging and paying for any food and drink they needed myself with the hotel. Unless the wedding was on a boat or somewhere else that was really not suitable for children. In my world, 'babes-in-arms' up to 1+ (depending on the exact circumstances) are or should be still welcome at otherwise child-free events.

A toddling 1 year old is not a babe-in-arms. It the invitation is for adults only, it is incredibly rude and entitled to turn up with a toddler because you don’t care for the host’s plans. If you don’t want to leave your children overnight, that’s fine. Just stay at home.

At 1 and 3 their attachment pattern is relatively established, you’re talking about 2 nights - different if you were going away for weeks. Have you spent time away from your 1 year old much before now - attachment is partly about knowing their primary career leaves and comes back again which can only happen if you actually leave and come back again. At first for short periods of time and then for longer.

If you’ve never left them they might find it tricky but 2 nights won’t harm them.