There are no such things as Empaths

[Seafog]

Ffs.
Empathy ....some of us have more empathy than others, but it doesn't make you a fucking empath!
If you have sympathy for people, would you go around saying you are a sympath?

Just say , "I have so much empathy" or "I am really sensitive to people's emotional state."

Making up a word to try and make yourself sound more special makes me think you're attention seeking twat.

AIBU?

I had to read my mother’s moods and was trained to totally support her and react to her. I became the family scapegoat and brother the gc. She projected her negative feelings about herself onto me. Ironically she can read the moods of those around her, suggesting that like me, she was in a heightened emotional state as a child.

A lot of my trauma has really resurfaced and I’m needing to get it out. I have ptsd. I am overly empathetic because I had to be. Am I therefore an empath? Idk. However you label it, many of my reactions are based on trauma.

What I’m trying to say is a) people, who are very empathetic can also be narcissists. And b) it’s unkind to laugh at people, who have been traumatised.

@logsonlogsoff

I have a colleague who’s an empath, except she’s not, she’s an over invested, pain in the arse drama llama who should focus more on her work that on how special she is.

I have a friend like this. It's a real pain in the ass, and it's a fucking cheek too. When I speak about my past trauma and she makes it all about her feelings, how bad she can feel my pain. Like fuck off, no you can't. You have no idea so don't even try.

@Wordsmithery

Many posters here are missing the point. Being an empath (and yes I am one) means having an abnormal response to other's feelings. I can walk into a room and feel an atmosphere instantly. I sense latent anger in people and unresolved issues within a group of people. It's not making things about me, me, me (if anything, it's the opposite) and it's exhausting and it's horrible. Even a stranger crying provokes a visceral reaction in me. Mumsnetters, be kind. Just because you haven't experienced it doesn't mean it's not a real thing.

But... how do you know your response is abnormal? Have clinical trials been done to test the responses of "empaths" versus the average bloke or woman?

I can feel an atmosphere when I walk into a room and sense latent anger. I don't think there's anything particularly special about me, I just think I have normal functioning emotional intelligence. I don't feel the need to give myself a label and I don't tell other people how uniquely sensitive this makes me and the burden I carry.

I am quite prepared to be kind, I just can't help noticing that a) there is no scientific evidence for this whatsoever and b) there's a striking correlation between people who call themselves "empaths" and people who like to make everything about themselves.

Even a stranger crying produces a visceral reaction in me

But isn't that one of the very cornerstones of being human? The fact that we respond to other people's pain? If a person is crying, it's hard NOT to react with empathy. I feel a pull in my chest if I hear someone, anyone, crying (other reactions are available!) I have always assumed that the fact I'm feeling something is pretty universal. Is there an even higher level of understanding I'm just not getting? 'Stand aside everyone. I'm an empath ...'

Some people think they’re the main character of the planet earth.

Oh god. Yes. They definitely do.

But isn't that one of the very cornerstones of being human?

Absolutely. If people didn't empathise with crying then newborns wouldn't have a fighting chance.

Children from precarious,’abusive or neglectful backgrounds do develop extra capacity to “read” and predict the emotions of others. It’s basically a survival technique.

This is often developing at a time when they should be learning how to connect with, read and respond to their own emotions. That capacity turns outward not inward.

There is some evidence that I he nervous systems of young children in these types of situations develop differently, particularly in in the energetic (gut) nervous system.

This can change the composition of the microbiome on a life long basis and is linked to higher incidences of things like anxiety and IBS later in life. So childhood survival comes with later costs for those kids/

So my hunch is that a lot of people who get called “empathy” are really children who had to develop the ability to read others quickly and accurately as children for their own safety.

So, who makes the diagnosis of 'empath'?

Sorry, posted too soon. So I think being an empath isn’t just empathy. It’s possibly a very heightened sense of empathy, or an ability that is built into he bedrock of empathic capacity that is common to pretty much all humans.

@LittleMissUnreasonable

I knew someone who always claimed to be incredibly selfless, put others first, then moan about how burnt out and exhausted she was after being a grief thief. We lived together briefly and I had two people I knew unexpected die within a couple of days of each other. She was in the house as the time of me finding out on both occasions. A few weeks later she would refer to it as 'the week we had from hell', or 'can you remember that terrible week we had, it was so stressful'. She spent time in bed emotionally recovering while I attended two funerals and tried to get on with it

Grief thief. That is a brilliant way to describe how those people who FEEEEEEEL so deeply actually operate.

I thought your posts were helpful, tiredinoratia.

So, who makes the diagnosis of 'empath'?

Given the sources cited on here it appears to be quizzes on a number of clickbait 'psychogy' blogs. A clue is the fact that real science wouldn't talk about "reading people's energy".

I have a friend who FEEEEEELS things very deeply and has to act on those feelings by getting involved with the lives of those people. She has what I believe is called 'Saviour' syndrome. She isn't more empathetic than anyone else. She just had a hideous childhood and it has left lasting, deep trauma. Her father left suddenly when she was 11. Her mother worked nights and left her in charge of her younger siblings until 6 am the following day. Her mother had a nervous breakdown some years later. She has been horribly affected by this and leaps into action everytime anyone within 20 feet has a problem because she cannot bear the idea of someone being unhappy. It is like a magnet for cheeky fuckers and lazy sods who leave her to sort out their problems and run herself ragged whilst they disappear for a bit of retail therapy/ lunch/Spa day. What she needs is therapy to help her process it all and to realise that she can set boundaries and say NO.

@bibliomania thanks for taking the time to say so.

Empath is not a medical term it seems to be individuals who may have experienced trauma and are hypersensitive to their environment.

Reading this thread has exhausted me.

I wonder...

It's just a quick way of saying "I'm going to centre myself in your trauma because I'm as important"

Infuriating

I've never heard of the term empath until I read this thread but having read the definition have to agree its bollocks.
Most people have empathy, the ability to put yourself in someone's shoes and think about how they are feeling even if you have no experience of that situation no? It's not the same as sympathy but it doesn't mean you have to take on that person's feelings.
I answer 999 calls, I've had many callers swear at me, shout at me, scream down the phone/ sob down the phone BUT even when it gets my back up I immediately stop myself and kick in the empathy - this person is calling an emergency line and this is probably the worst time of their life, if "xyz" situation was happening to me, would I maybe swear in panic? Probably.
Believe it or not we have people ring 999 for a fever, now rather than rolling my eyes as it's not a life threatening emergency, I have to be able to think well maybe a fever is something this person hasn't dealt with before, maybe it's a mum with their first tiny newborn and they just didn't know what else to do, and treat that person with kindness and respect.
The thing is once that call is done you have to switch it off, that's just boundaries. If I looked back on every call and probed as to how the patient got on I wouldn't be able to live my life because it can be very upsetting stuff.
How selfish would someone be if they "absorbed" all these feelings and got "more" upset by it than the actual person?
Sorry if this is rambling, just enjoyed reading this thread

Just like the last thread of this nature, the self-declared "empaths" show themselves to be the most self-involved, tone deaf people in society. So funny.

@CantStartaFireWithoutaSpark

A definition of an empath: Being an empath means that you feel other people’s moods and energies. Empaths are highly intuitive people who have an innate ability to help others. Unfortunately, some people take advantage of their kindness and “drain” their energy which is detrimental to an empath’s well-being. While empaths have trouble fitting in, they are not necessarily reclusive people. They prefer the company of people they can trust but they may take a longer time recuperating after social gatherings because of their tendency to "soak up" the energies in the room. Empaths are nurturers, good listeners and healers,

I am all of the above. My mother says she is, but she’s absolutely not, she’s a narc to the bone. She talks about being one a lot. I don’t on the other hand. I tend to use it to my advantage at times. I love helping people and giving advice. I’m that friend everyone asks for advice from, the voice of reason.
I find socialising very difficult, but you wouldnt think that at all if you met me. You would never ever know that i’m dying inside because I hate large gatherings.
Lots of truly awful comments here about empaths.
Of course people feel more than others. It’s not that shocking.

Thank you for this, put so well, and completely relatable in how you explain it! Wishing you a lovely positive festive season. :)

@CatJumperTwat

Just like the last thread of this nature, the self-declared "empaths" show themselves to be the most self-involved, tone deaf people in society. So funny.

Isn't it funny how we all interpret things differently? ;)

I’ve only come across one person who describes themselves as an empath. She is the nastiest, bitchiest person I’ve ever met. She deliberately stirs up trouble and revels in the drama. If you call her out she runs to hide behind her empath status - oh I just have to get involved because I feel SO BAD about x y or z. She loathes me with a passion and when I had two family members diagnosed with cancer within weeks of each other she couldn’t even summon up a ‘sorry’. Oh yeah total empath LOL. Just another form of attention seeking and actually an excuse to refuse to consider anyone else’s POV.

One of my DC and I cannot watch people being humiliated or made fun of. Even someone we dislike. Don’t need a special label for it, just one aspect of our personalities.

@DontWiltMySpinachPlease

It's just a quick way of saying "I'm going to centre myself in your trauma because I'm as important"

Infuriating

Agree. This is strictly non-empirical but all the people I've ever met who have described themselves as empaths have to a man/woman been solipsistic busibodies.

"Empaths" aren't really empathetic, it's a sorry excuse to make all drama/illnesses/bad situations about themselves and revel in attention.. even when it's nothing to do with them.
So if someone tells you they're an empath... run for the fucking hills.

@AmIAGrinchx

"Empaths" aren't really empathetic, it's a sorry excuse to make all drama/illnesses/bad situations about themselves and revel in attention.. even when it's nothing to do with them. So if someone tells you they're an empath... run for the fucking hills.

Again, isn't is funny how we all perceive things differently? Have a lovely Christmas.