There are no such things as Empaths

[Seafog]

Ffs.
Empathy ....some of us have more empathy than others, but it doesn't make you a fucking empath!
If you have sympathy for people, would you go around saying you are a sympath?

Just say , "I have so much empathy" or "I am really sensitive to people's emotional state."

Making up a word to try and make yourself sound more special makes me think you're attention seeking twat.

AIBU?

@Seafog

Ffs. Empathy ....some of us have more empathy than others, but it doesn't make you a fucking empath! If you have sympathy for people, would you go around saying you are a sympath?

Just say , "I have so much empathy" or "I am really sensitive to people's emotional state."

Making up a word to try and make yourself sound more special makes me think you're attention seeking twat.

AIBU?

Agreed. My messed up, psychopath of a neighbour used to describe herself as an empath. She was about as attention seeking, self centred and f*cked up as anyone could be. I think she truly believed if she used that word that is what she would become.

I have still to receive any sort of answer why it bothers so many people so much that empaths are just quietly going about their business. Few actual empaths shout about it, in all honesty!

1.) Because anyone who's quietly up their own arse is still up their own arse and most people find that bothersome.

2.) If few actual 'empaths' shout about it, how do you know they're 'empaths'?

In fact, how many people do you know in real life who claim to be 'empaths', for you to be so confident about their behaviour?

@Clymene

I'm not going to be kind to people who are so self absorbed they use made up terms to describe themselves.

The internet is both a blessing and a curse

Empath isn't a made up term. Empaths are not self absorbed (though some of those who seem to object so strongly to the term appear to be verging on that, based on some of the replies). The internet is the internet - take it or leave it!

@WorraLiberty

I have still to receive any sort of answer why it bothers so many people so much that empaths are just quietly going about their business. Few actual empaths shout about it, in all honesty!

1.) Because anyone who's quietly up their own arse is still up their own arse and most people find that bothersome.

2.) If few actual 'empaths' shout about it, how do you know they're 'empaths'?

In fact, how many people do you know in real life who claim to be 'empaths', for you to be so confident about their behaviour?

1. This isn't an objective statement. Loads of people are 'up their own arse' and it's not exclusive to empaths or any other character/personality trait!

1. Not shouting about something does not mean not quietly discussing it with other people who share your experiences. It means not broadcasting it to the world as if it somehow makes you special. Sometimes people speak up a bit because others make far too many assumptions, often based on lack of knowledge or bad experience with folk claiming to be things they are not.

I am not confident about the behaviour of every empath, I am confident that the description of real empaths is nothing like what many are portraying here.

@Elodeastar

I’ve told you. The part that annoys me is the insistence that this is somehow unusual/specific to ‘empaths’ when in fact being affected by other people’s moods is a universal human experience, so much so that we expect children by 30-50 months to understand when others are feeling happy/sad and be able to identify expressions pertaining to different emotions.

Everyone is able to do this. It doesn’t make you an empath to be sad when everyone around you is sad or to feel upset when someone else is crying. It’s normal.

"Agreed. My messed up, psychopath of a neighbour used to describe herself as an empath. She was about as attention seeking, self centred and f*cked up as anyone could be. I think she truly believed if she used that word that is what she would become."

This is definitely part of the problem - people shouting and claiming to be something they are not! I actually hate attention, I hate that I am replying to so many of these comments, but it saddens me how misconceptions are rife about true empaths. :( Anyway.

1.This isn't an objective statement. Loads of people are 'up their own arse' and it's not exclusive to empaths or any other character/personality trait!

Well precisely but your question was about so called 'empaths', not 'lots of people'.

Those on this thread who are empaths - how do you know?

@Wordsmithery

Many posters here are missing the point. Being an empath (and yes I am one) means having an abnormal response to other's feelings. I can walk into a room and feel an atmosphere instantly. I sense latent anger in people and unresolved issues within a group of people. It's not making things about me, me, me (if anything, it's the opposite) and it's exhausting and it's horrible. Even a stranger crying provokes a visceral reaction in me. Mumsnetters, be kind. Just because you haven't experienced it doesn't mean it's not a real thing.

I'm really finely tuned to anger, and it really unsettles me. (because it's something I rarely experience myself and I don't know how to deal with it in other people) I can sense an atmosphere in a room. (Can't everyone?) I can pick up that people are going through things as soon as I answer the phone to them, or they to me, just from their voice. (I don't think there's anything remarkable in that)

I'm still not an empath, because it's a bunkum label created by people that think that their experiences are somehow different to/more overwhelming than others, when it seems that others just have been ways of dealing with it.

I can read people’s mood and vibe really well. Partly hyper vigilance after abuse, partly because of my job which needs me to be tuned in. Empath isn’t really a thing imo some people are just a more attuned to others for various reasons and I say that as a spiritual person

[quote Kanaloa]@Elodeastar

I’ve told you. The part that annoys me is the insistence that this is somehow unusual/specific to ‘empaths’ when in fact being affected by other people’s moods is a universal human experience, so much so that we expect children by 30-50 months to understand when others are feeling happy/sad and be able to identify expressions pertaining to different emotions.

Everyone is able to do this. It doesn’t make you an empath to be sad when everyone around you is sad or to feel upset when someone else is crying. It’s normal.[/quote]
This is getting circular now, I have done my best to explain it to you but you are clearing coming from a completely different place. Let's leave it there, have a lovely festive season whatever it brings. I'll be hoping my booster effects wear off, and am able to get outside away from the computer ha ha! ;)

*better ways

I don’t want to speak negatively to anyone, mostly because I don’t have time to be a total bitch anymore (see username, har har har). But people like @Kandinskysnail and @HereticFanjo who are looking for answers I think, something that maybe explains hypersensitivity and hyper vigilance, without the empath woo, we DO have that.

Years ago, psychologists started researching sensory processing sensitivity and “highly sensitive people” and found that these are people who have a scientific reason why they might often be overwhelmed by, say, the emotions of others, an angry room, even perhaps the effect of caffeine - they found the stimulus level for their thalamus (part of the brain) was much lower. This was not a happy, special thing. Many “highly sensitive people” struggle and show things like symptoms of autism, or are diagnosed with autism. And as I said, there are actual scientific traits of sensory processing sensitivity, and they can show that higher rates are “linked to the serotonin transporter 5-HTTLPR short/short genotype,[36] polymorphisms in dopamine neurotransmitter genes,[37] and the ADRA2b norepinephrine-related gene variant.”

I recommend if anyone on here finds that they have some things in common with some “am I an empath” quizzes, but doesn’t find this comforting at all, and instead overwhelming, and needs science to understand if what they’re experiencing is more than just “being a very empathetic person,” this is a good place to start: en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sensory_processing_sensitivity
And then perhaps talking to a registered psychologist (though I know the waitlist is just abysmally long in some trusts; I’m sorry about that for those who need it and those waiting).

@WorraLiberty

1.This isn't an objective statement. Loads of people are 'up their own arse' and it's not exclusive to empaths or any other character/personality trait!

Well precisely but your question was about so called 'empaths', not 'lots of people'.

Your reply was specific to empaths though. Anyway, this is also going circular, there are only so many ways to say something and people will have their own opinions on this, like everything else! Have a good festive season. :)

Yes, I’m coming from the place where not one ‘empath’ has been able to describe anything that they can do that isn’t just being a normal human being. Realistically there’s nothing that’s been described on this thread that isn’t on the normal scale of understanding human emotion and being able to relate to others.

You too @Elodeastar and I hope the effects of your booster wear off soon

Thank you @5YearsLeft that is really helpful and kind of you. I’ve never spoken about my suspicion I was a bit emotionally odd before but the links with autism and sensory processing make a lot of sense. All the best.

I have a sibling who calls themselves an empath. In reality? Total self absorbed twat.

The issues with labels like ‘empath’ is that people self diagnose whether they are or not. It is not a recognised psychological condition- it’s a name made up on the internet.

Hyper vigilance is something else.

I often think that when people describe themselves as an ‘empath’ , they actually have problems setting boundaries. When they say they ‘soak up’ the atmosphere/vibes in the room, how do they know it’s actually coming from others and isn’t some kind of social anxiety/projection?

Some people are more empathetic than others. Can’t we just leave it at that?

Yes, I don’t want to hurt the feelings of anyone on the thread who does want to be an empath, but for someone like you, @Kandinskysnail, and perhaps some or many others on this thread, who may “feel” some of these things and find that:

1. It’s not a special blessing,
2. You really don’t know how, or even necessarily WANT, to talk about it,

I do hope what I’ve posted might be helpful. All the best. (with our Christmas MN emojis, why can’t we have the gin bottle wearing a Santa hat??)

@Catastrophejane

I have a sibling who calls themselves an empath. In reality? Total self absorbed twat.

The issues with labels like ‘empath’ is that people self diagnose whether they are or not. It is not a recognised psychological condition- it’s a name made up on the internet.

Hyper vigilance is something else.

I often think that when people describe themselves as an ‘empath’ , they actually have problems setting boundaries. When they say they ‘soak up’ the atmosphere/vibes in the room, how do they know it’s actually coming from others and isn’t some kind of social anxiety/projection?

Some people are more empathetic than others. Can’t we just leave it at that?

It seems to me people are confusing these two conditions.

Hyper-vigilance and over-involvement as a result of PTSD resulting from childhood trauma I can imagine is a thing and it must be very tough.

But being an "empath" is posited as some bogus quality and people do tend to use it as a sign of supposed emotional superiority -- and then usually go on to claim it's very tough to live with. And these same people tend to be over-invested in other people's lives and tiresome and narcissistic into the bargain. These are usually the sorts of people who lean in to give unwanted advice, insert themselves into people's dynamics to provide "care" when its not sought after and then seek to put themselves at the centre of other people's distress.

I call bullshit.

"I'm an empath according to a few quizzes I've taken. I've told no one and make no drama about it, but it explains why I'm so exhausted and can't detach from other people's upsets and traumas"

I think that's a boundary issue, as well as other issues. I've read around this because I used to be over empathetic. I had a very abusive childhood and was never allowed to set my own boundaries. Many of the people from my childhood had boundaries, or self esteem so like pp said, I had to learn to read people, ignore my own feelings and make things about them. The research around Empathy and childhood trauma is interesting, I just don't think that looking at it in terms of creating Empaths, rather than just very damaged people, is correct.
As I've aged and worked on myself, being over empathetic has lessened. Interestingly I used to pick up on physical pain, but that got less as well. I wasn't diagnosed with high functioning ASD until I was older and understanding that has helped me to detach from other people's problems. I've stopped allowing other people's moods/feelings influence me. I was given strategies by a psychologist which worked. I've learned that I was a fixer and that's what I did in my work (in Social Care).

How many times do we have to state that no empaths actually think they ARE special - there is just a part of their personality that they are more aware of! Please actually read the replies.

That's exactly what you're doing. You're giving yourself a special label to describe a perfectly normal reaction to other people's pain.

There's another word for people who make everything about them but it's not quite as fluffy.

Empaths in literature, ye, in life, I don't know anybody who would like to label himself/herself as such. Seriously.

I only know one person person who calls herself an Empath. What she really means is that every single crisis in anyone's life has to be all about how she feels about it.

If they don't think they're special then why do they think they have more empathy than everyone else?

Surely the logical thing would be to assume that other people felt the same way and that there was nothing deeper about them than anyone else?

Most people can walk into a room and sense 'the atmosphere'. It's a pretty basic thing to be able to do. It's not a special skill. It's mostly subconsciously noticing other people's body language. That's just a basic animal survival instinct, not a higher power.

Someone who calls themselves an empath believes they feel others just so much more. Why? What do they base that on? How do they know the depth of everyone else's feelings? They don't. They assume based on what? A belief that they feel more? That they express their deep feelings whereas the person next to them doesn't?