There are no such things as Empaths

[Seafog]

Ffs.
Empathy ....some of us have more empathy than others, but it doesn't make you a fucking empath!
If you have sympathy for people, would you go around saying you are a sympath?

Just say , "I have so much empathy" or "I am really sensitive to people's emotional state."

Making up a word to try and make yourself sound more special makes me think you're attention seeking twat.

AIBU?

@Kanaloa

Yes, I’m coming from the place where not one ‘empath’ has been able to describe anything that they can do that isn’t just being a normal human being. Realistically there’s nothing that’s been described on this thread that isn’t on the normal scale of understanding human emotion and being able to relate to others.

Most people pick up on emotions of others, empaths do it to a higher level, that's the simplest way to explain it. That higher level doesn't make them better people (or worse), it's not really a choice, and it can be draining at times. It's that simple. Empaths also don't claim to understand people better, just that they pick up emotions more accutely - knowing what to do when picking up these emotions is a minefield!

“Empaths” are people who give themselves a special label to describe qualities that most people have, because (a) they did a quiz on a pop psychology site (b) they watch too much tiktok (c) declaring it goes well with them stating their star sign (d) they want to make things about themselves. Delete as appropriate.

The fact they can’t understand that other people actually feel things deeply suggests a LACK of empathy rather than a special skill here. They’re not discussing empathy but actually a specific form of narcissism, where they imagine everyone must think and feel as they do, while they bulldoze actual feelings.

How do they know they pick up on others emotions to a higher level? That would require them to know the level other people pick up on emotions. How have they ascertained other people's abilities in order to determine their level is higher?

@IncompleteSenten

If they don't think they're special then why do they think they have more empathy than everyone else?

Surely the logical thing would be to assume that other people felt the same way and that there was nothing deeper about them than anyone else?

Most people can walk into a room and sense 'the atmosphere'. It's a pretty basic thing to be able to do. It's not a special skill. It's mostly subconsciously noticing other people's body language. That's just a basic animal survival instinct, not a higher power.

Someone who calls themselves an empath believes they feel others just so much more. Why? What do they base that on? How do they know the depth of everyone else's feelings? They don't. They assume based on what? A belief that they feel more? That they express their deep feelings whereas the person next to them doesn't?

I don't think I have more empathy than other folk, far from it, more that I am just more sensitive/aware (than the average person) to the emotions of others - for better or worse. I didn't choose this, I don't think it makes me special (we are all special, right?), but it really is that simple. I'd be wary of anyone who thinks that being an empath gives them any special powers, or rights over other people or their emotions. That is definitely wrong! My intuition generally never fails me, even if it takes time to realise that - this saddens me at times, and also brings me much happiness, depending on the intuition. It's always important to remember intuition is just that though, and to give folk as much benefit of the doubt as you possibly can. Anyway, no doubt someone will tear this apart too, not sure if there really is much point in even trying to explain to folk who don't want to understand. Happy Christmas all!

But that's just a normal, human reaction to someone constantly moaning and bitching.

It drains us all!

Exactly. Making that statement and thinking this wouldn't happen to most other people actually shows a real lack of emotional intelligence imo

@IncompleteSenten

How do they know they pick up on others emotions to a higher level? That would require them to know the level other people pick up on emotions. How have they ascertained other people's abilities in order to determine their level is higher?

I will try to answer, this often comes from actual life experience, when it turns out an empath was aware of something that someone later reveals, and everyone else is shocked/had no idea! Of course sometimes we don't know if our feelings are just our own feelings doing funny things, but too many real life situations have proved me to be picking up emotions quite acutely. I wish I didn't. Maybe that is of no help, I don't know, just trying to answer you. :D

when it turns out an empath was aware of something that someone later reveals, and everyone else is shocked/had no idea!

Examples, please?

What I'm hearing is that people who believe themselves to be on one end of the empathy scale deserve a special word to describe themselves. Why?

Is there a special word to describe experiencing more of any other single trait? Why does empathy get singled out for one? Unless it's because people think that that particular trait deserves special attention?

@AryaStarkWolf

But that's just a normal, human reaction to someone constantly moaning and bitching.

It drains us all!

Exactly. Making that statement and thinking this wouldn't happen to most other people actually shows a real lack of emotional intelligence imo

Of course draining and bitching drains everyone - the point with empaths is that it isn't just the bitchy stuff that drains, it's the constantly picking up all sorts of emotions, good and bad. Imagine psyching yourself up for a driving test or a dental appointment or something equally stressful/scary/exciting, but feeling like that a lot of the time unless you really figure out how not to let it all in. This is why I sometimes withdraw, because I cannot cope with the flood of emotions from everywhere. Things like Covid, Christmas, highly charged emotional meetings etc are draining for all of us, but for empaths it's even more so. Some of you who think you 'also feel things really acutely' may actually be empaths yourselves. :)

@FluffyBooBoo

What I'm hearing is that people who believe themselves to be on one end of the empathy scale deserve a special word to describe themselves. Why?

Is there a special word to describe experiencing more of any other single trait? Why does empathy get singled out for one? Unless it's because people think that that particular trait deserves special attention?

No, I don't think I deserve a special word, but if the word exists then I use it if needed. What do you think the pint of words is, other than to describe things? As for special characteristics/traits then there are lots of them (sensitivity, courage, wisdom, strength, resilience, creative, musical, and so on), it's just that someone has decided they don't like one or two empaths and has decided to label everyone the same!

@CatJumperTwat

when it turns out an empath was aware of something that someone later reveals, and everyone else is shocked/had no idea!

Examples, please?

You are asking me to share personal stories regarding people I am close to - well, nope. Trust is also important to me.

You are asking me to share personal stories regarding people I am close to - well, nope. Trust is also important to me.

No examples? What a surprise.

@Clymene

How many times do we have to state that no empaths actually think they ARE special - there is just a part of their personality that they are more aware of! Please actually read the replies.

That's exactly what you're doing. You're giving yourself a special label to describe a perfectly normal reaction to other people's pain.

There's another word for people who make everything about them but it's not quite as fluffy.

Do you call yourself a woman? Do you call yourself a insert your job? Do you call yourself insert parent/non-parent? Do you call yourself insert hair or eye colour?

There you go, you are giving yourself a special label. Why actually does it bother you if someone identifies as something? What difference does it make to you?

It does give an insight, yes.

It sounds like what you are describing is paying attention to our basic animal survival instincts. We all have them, in early hominids they helped us spot when an animal was hunting us for example, as we developed into groups they helped us sense trouble brewing and today they are the reason we feel unsettled in certain situations, or get a bad feeling about someone, or can feel when someone is staring at us even if we're not looking directly at them. Generation after generation after generation of survival instinct built into us, causing us to take in a lot of information without even realising it.

I think it's not that we don't all have broadly the same instincts it's that modern life leads some people to dismiss them because they feel they're being silly to think someone is 'off' or something is weird. So they may very well have noticed at the time, filed it under I'm imagining things and forgotten all about it. Or not even consciously recognised it.

I don't know. I have no idea what is going on in other people's heads, I'm just speculating

@CatJumperTwat

You are asking me to share personal stories regarding people I am close to - well, nope. Trust is also important to me.

No examples? What a surprise.

You are surprised I don't want to reel off personal stories? Honestly, these replies are saying quite a lot here.

Do you call yourself a woman?
Do you call yourself ainsert your job?
Do you call yourselfinsert parent/non-parent?
Do you call yourselfinsert hair or eye colour?

All of the above have physical evidence. "I'm an empath" relies on accepting some that cannot be proven.

YANBU, OP.

I have a really hard time detatching from anything emotionally, am hyper aware of others' emotions, have problems with regulating my emotional responses appropriately (have had to leave a distant family friend's funeral - discreetly, from the back! - because I could feel that I was going to sob like it was my own mother's, can have my entire day ruined by seeing a sad old man by himself on my way to work), am overly aware of any tiny shift (real or perceived) in negative feeling around me.

It's PTSD from childhood trauma and/or ADHD. It's terrible and embarrassing and I hate it, but you could argue that I was an 'empath' in that I feel everything far too much and take on the ambient mood around me to the Nth degree.

But it's not being an 'empath' - it's either some form of trauma/MH issue/symptom of neurodiversity, or you're exaggerating fairly normal human abilty to read emotions to make it all about you.

Anyone who defines themselves by their personal traits is more likely to be an egotist!

Once again @Elodeastar uses things that 85% of the adult female population feel to a similar degree tonale her out as special. The only slightly unusual (but still common) things you describe are a lack of emotional resilience and being someone who needs time to recharge. None of that even suggests empathy. It’s frankly insulting to tell others that you feel what they feel, you don’t and you have no idea. You notice cues like everyone else—maybe you’re a bit more perceptive than average? But you’re lying to yourself if you think you can know some deeper truth.

You claim you don’t think you’re special but then spend hours arguing that you have secret special skills, and others just can’t understand 🤔

Calling myself a woman, parent or saying I have blue eyes are facts about myself. Calling myself an empath or clairsentient is not a fact. It is not a diagnosed condition, it is something I - or you rather - had decided about yourself because you did some quizzes on the internet.

If you can't tell the difference between those things then your grip on reality isn't as firm as it could be.

Of course you shouldn't disclose other people's information. Quite right that that would be inappropriate.
You could give an example of something analogous instead. I think that would be a really interesting insight into the perceived differences. Maybe people would recognise times they've been either the empath or the, I can't think of a word, the oblivious I guess.

sensitivity, courage, wisdom, strength, resilience, creative, musical

And what is the special word that little use to describe themselves as the most/best out of these categories?

Granted, there is the word virtuoso, for music - but that's a word chosen for the best musicians by others. Not exclusively by themselves.

@Elodeastar

"Agreed. My messed up, psychopath of a neighbour used to describe herself as an empath. She was about as attention seeking, self centred and f*cked up as anyone could be. I think she truly believed if she used that word that is what she would become."

This is definitely part of the problem - people shouting and claiming to be something they are not! I actually hate attention, I hate that I am replying to so many of these comments, but it saddens me how misconceptions are rife about true empaths. :( Anyway.

This is a bit of a no true Scotsman argument isn’t it? All empaths are lovely self-effacing people, so if you meet somebody who has decided they are an empath who is not like that, they are wrong about being an empath.

Whereas the people on here couldn’t possibly be wrong about being an empath (based on an internet quiz), therefore they must be lovely people and not narcissistic or self-obsessed. Completely circular argument.

Did you know, all redheads are fantastically clever? I’m a redhead so I must be fantastically clever too. Any self-proclaimed redhead you meet who is a bit thick must really be strawberry blonde or auburn. But not me, no way, I’m definitely a redhead. I did a quiz and everything. The quiz said “are you a redhead” and I answered yes. QED.

I'm finding it fascinating. I'm the opposite of an 'empath' I guess. I have no idea what other people are feeling but I have huge feelings based on how I'd feel if I was them.

Two of the biggest ones are embarrassment and anger.

So someone can do something that I would be embarrassed to do and I cringe my arse inside out! I go hot with embarrassment. I have no idea how the hell they feel. They can look fine and I'll still be purple with shame. 😂 Or someone can be shat on from a great height and I'll be fantasising about stringing up the twat whereas they look like they've just brushed it off. I don't say anything of course because that would be weird and inappropriate.
The embarrassment one is so bad I can't watch people making fools of themselves on TV or anything. It's physically painful.

I'm not sure what that makes me

A twat, possibly. 😂

OP, I can sense your irritation and frustration. You have a longing for.. yes...a glass of wine. Also you're worried about someones christmas present. Too big? No, wrong colour.

We exist.