About “turns” and the constant need to give me a list of “jobs”

[Allmadeoflego]

I’ll start by caveating that I’m a bit fed up so may be being irrational.

DH seems to recently have a constant thing about balancing household “jobs”. I know I’m lucky that we do things equally - but it’s like “ok so I will take the dog out, you go the the shop, then I’ll cook dinner and you do the dishwasher”. Last night I was like “oh let’s get a takeaway”.
He honestly turned around and said “but then I’ve got two jobs and you only have one”.

When I exploded he backed off saying it was a joke, but honestly this seems to be becoming a “thing”.

Additionally today he’s buggered off to footie and been like “oh you can do x, and y. While I’m out. Erm no - I want to sit and watch telly thank you”

I’m starting to feel like life is a constant round of “jobs to do” and it’s getting me down a bit.

@Chocolatewheatos

Tbh I think I'm like this with DH but if I'm not then things don't get done. Or they only get done by me. So it depends on if you did things without being asked before he started this. Or if this is his way of not coming back from doing the shop and starting dinner then finding out the dog hasn't been walked so now dinner needs stopping or rushing so the dog can be walked before night. The "I'll do X while do Y" get said so much in our house.

Same here.

@girlmom21

Washing takes all of 30 seconds to put in the machine. Why would you not do it?

Well if that's all it takes he can do it himself, before or after the football, in the time it's taken him to tell OP to do it, can't he?

@Skiptheheartsandflowers to be fair I assumed that if he's asking her to do it it's because there's a load already in so he can't do it before he goes but maybe I'm being generous

[quote girlmom21]@Skiptheheartsandflowers to be fair I assumed that if he's asking her to do it it's because there's a load already in so he can't do it before he goes but maybe I'm being generous [/quote]
You were indeed

It was more like he saw me lying in bed watching James Martin and thought “she can’t do that, I need to give her something to do”. (That’s how it felt anyways).

Washing takes all of 30 seconds to put in the machine. Why would you not do it?
Because she was already doing something. Just as DH was on his way to football and she didn’t say “Hang on, don’t go to football, do XYZ jobs”. He doesn’t get to decide her time is less valuable than his and should be spent doing whichever chores he wants doing, instead of her choice of activity – watching TV in bed is no less valid than going to football. It’s only a problem is one partner only watches TV, or only plays football, or only does their hobby, and never pulls their weight; but it doesn’t sound as though that’s the case here.

@stuntbubbles

Washing takes all of 30 seconds to put in the machine. Why would you not do it? Because she was already doing something. Just as DH was on his way to football and she didn’t say “Hang on, don’t go to football, do XYZ jobs”. He doesn’t get to decide her time is less valuable than his and should be spent doing whichever chores he wants doing, instead of her choice of activity – watching TV in bed is no less valid than going to football. It’s only a problem is one partner only watches TV, or only plays football, or only does their hobby, and never pulls their weight; but it doesn’t sound as though that’s the case here.

This...

It's to do with valuing women and their time differently...isn't it?!

Eg... Big strong important man gets to spend an hour a day at the gym or goes out on his park run, or his 3 hour cycle ride...

Meanwhile many women are expected to be 'doing' stuff for benefit of ALL... Eg.. housework/childcare /life admin... During the time when men are enjoying themselves....

And then, being told... Like an employee 'what they should be getting on with'.

Each adult should be able to have an equal ish amount of free time....

It's about basic respect...

My father spent a MINIMUM of 30 hours weekly on his many hobbies.... He expected to arrive at regular intervals for food/clean house /clothes...

My mum had NO time for any stuff she wanted to do....

Nope, was determined this wasn't happéning to me!

Me and DH got a bit like this (after a billion years together), particularly with jobs we both hated like the dishes or whose turn it was to take the dog on a rainy walk. I can honestly say having DC has changed this for the better - we don’t have time to divvy up jobs, we both just get on with whatever needs doing. Now it’s much more like ‘I have 5 minutes before baby wakes up, what can I get done?’ I read a lot on mumsnet about DHs not pulling weight after DC are born but I can say it has been the opposite in our case. Oh and we also have a cleaner

You are not ‘lucky’ by things being equal. Women need to normalise this behaviour (household jobs being distributed fairly). Not having a go- just want women to not feel grateful when all housework doesn’t fall them on- because it shouldn't.