Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being ungrateful about flowers

94 replies

ncnewbaby · 19/12/2021 11:42

OK I probably am.

But I have 2 kids, single parent, and a chronic illness, and I'm feeling really run down atm.

I recently had a big birthday and my parents said they would like to get me something I would really like to mark it. So at first I said no it's fine but they insisted so I said I would really like one day of a babysitter so I can relax and have a day to myself. They said yes.

And then on the day I got a bouquet of expensive flowers delivered and they said did you like your present.

I said yes...but flowers are actually just kind of pointless effort for me, washing a vase, putting them out, cleaning the fallen petals, throwing them away again...sounds like not a lot but with a chronic illness it actually is a slog. And I didn't get my day off which is what I really wanted. I don't think anyone would really want flowers even if they're nice.

I know it's a present anyway...but AIBU?

OP posts:
maggiecate · 19/12/2021 11:56

Flowers are lovely but unless they come pre-arranged in a vase/container I’m a bit like you. There’s always an element of “sigh, got to find a vase, and trim the stems, and arranged them and mop up the spilled water.” If I’m sending on behalf of work for new babies/off sick etc I always send ones that don’t require any arranging. And no lilies. The smell - ugh. I’d rather have a nice box of chocolates tbh.

MrsSkylerWhite · 19/12/2021 11:57

My heart sinks when I receive flowers too. Love plants and our garden, but cut flowers to me are sad.

129orbust · 19/12/2021 11:59

Gosh I have found my people - cut flowers make me sad too.
I love to grow things so plants and fruit bushes yes please.
Cut flowers not so much.

Anordinarymum · 19/12/2021 12:02

What is it with presents that people think you would really like !

I like flowers so this would be a nice thing for me to receive, but if you think about it, they are not really personal in that everyone else gets to enjoy them so - flowers yes - but something else as well just for you is a perfect combination.

AnneLovesGilbert · 19/12/2021 12:04

I love flowers, I’d have fresh ones every week if I could afford them.

But you were clear about what you wanted and you didn’t get it so of course you’re upset.

Do they usually babysit for you or is it something they’re uncomfortable doing?

Aprilx · 19/12/2021 12:05

I find it nice enough to receive flowers. But in this case it is odd as it is not a particularly special present to mark a major birthday and isn’t what you requested when they asked! Are you sure you didn’t miss a note or something on the enclosed card? 😁

UnsuitableHat · 19/12/2021 12:05

Not unreasonable, and you said thanks. Maybe ask them (next year?) not to send flowers tho.

IAmMeThisIsI · 19/12/2021 12:06

I was planning on having flowers delivered to my MIL for Christmas. Guess that's off the agenda now. I don't know what to buy her. She's always REALLY spoiled both me and my husband too. I don't want to get her flowers if they'll inconvenience her.

OP YNBU because they promised you one thing and then snatched it away. That's cruel. I wouldn't be happy if my own parents did this to me.

midlifecrash · 19/12/2021 12:06

If you’d said, oh I don’t really want anything, then flowers would be nice - but they asked, you suggested, they didn’t get it

StrangerThanSpring · 19/12/2021 12:06

I'm another one who doesn't really like cut flowers. They are such a waste of money. I'd much rather something practical and useful.

Comedycook · 19/12/2021 12:08

Yanbu...I don't really want flowers either.

I recently had a big birthday...on the day, I received eight bunches of flowers....I imagine over £400 worth in total. I only have two vases!

I thanked everyone but I was hugely pissed off. I'm not especially well off...I'd rather have had anything else but that... seeing hundreds of pounds worth of flowers dying in my kitchen at the same time was miserable.

fitzbilly · 19/12/2021 12:09

Presumably you well also get your day to yourself as they agreed to this?

RomeoMcFlourish · 19/12/2021 12:13

My MIL sends flowers for all significant events in my life. It comes from a good place but my heart sinks when another bunch arrives; cut flowers make me sad and although I’ve received them for happy events, I’ve received them for sad events too and I can’t shake off that association when we have them in the house. Also, we have four children and maintaining some state of cleanliness and order is a daily battle, I don’t need anything extra to look after/clean up! I’d much rather a nice rose bush for the garden or something that gives me pleasure in the long term.

Original poster
ncnewbaby · 19/12/2021 12:14

@Comedycook yeah exactly! I'm not well off either, and it sounds really spoiled but there are things I would really appreciate and flowers are just an expensive waste! And it is depressing to just get something to watch it die.

@fitzbilly it was over a week ago and no mention of it, only the flowers mentioned as a present, so I don't think so

OP posts:
Gomorrah · 19/12/2021 12:16

I'm with you, flowers are not for me. I can't deny they look beautiful displayed around a home but I think it's a bit sad that they're cut down just before their prime.

Amymamabear89 · 19/12/2021 12:16

I’d just drop a message asking to sort what day is best for them and for you for your day of so you can get it planned. They may well have forgot or just wanted you to have something physically aswell. I’m not a huge fan of flowers unless spontaneously romantic- as gifts for birthdays etc it’s just more hassle than it’s worth

Blossomtoes · 19/12/2021 12:19

What a lot of miserable buggers you are.

MrsSkylerWhite · 19/12/2021 12:20

Or just like different things?

AmIAGrinchx · 19/12/2021 12:27

I would say to them "soo when are you having the kids so I can have my day of rest?" Sometimes you just have to be blunt. Grin

Miggymoggymugwumps · 19/12/2021 12:31

Whilst a bouquet of flowers is lovely I always feel it is a 'lazy' gift because the giver can't really be bothered to ask what you'd really like!!!
Four people bought me bouquets for my last landmark birthday and I couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed...I know that's really shallow!

ittakes2 · 19/12/2021 12:33

I am exactly the same as you.
Once my friend brought me a lovely bunch of lilies - which my cat then got hold off and it cost us so much money in vet fees.
I am tempted to tell people pl don't bring flowers!

Warblerinwinter · 19/12/2021 12:35

Gosh, anyone would think that cutting flowers kills the plant and therefore you’re mourning it. Quite the reverse in most cases. Cutting flowers encourages the plant to create more flowers. It needs to reproduce so if you take away it’s flowers containing it’s reproductive organs it shoots new ones. It’s great to grown cut flower plants if you can- an ever ending supply of flowers inside.

babouchette · 19/12/2021 12:36

I love getting flowers, but I'd have been annoyed too. Why did they ask you what you wanted if they were just going to ignore you and get flowers?!

billy1966 · 19/12/2021 12:43

I love flowers but in your situation I would describe them as a shit, lazy gift.

Very disappointing.
Flowers

MindyStClaire · 19/12/2021 12:43

I would just assume it's because they wanted you to have a physical present on your birthday - I know they're hated on MN but in real life most people like getting flowers and recognise the gesture of "here's something lovely to show I'm thinking of you".

Just text "so does next Saturday suit you for my day off? Grin "