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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being ungrateful about flowers

94 replies

ncnewbaby · 19/12/2021 11:42

OK I probably am.

But I have 2 kids, single parent, and a chronic illness, and I'm feeling really run down atm.

I recently had a big birthday and my parents said they would like to get me something I would really like to mark it. So at first I said no it's fine but they insisted so I said I would really like one day of a babysitter so I can relax and have a day to myself. They said yes.

And then on the day I got a bouquet of expensive flowers delivered and they said did you like your present.

I said yes...but flowers are actually just kind of pointless effort for me, washing a vase, putting them out, cleaning the fallen petals, throwing them away again...sounds like not a lot but with a chronic illness it actually is a slog. And I didn't get my day off which is what I really wanted. I don't think anyone would really want flowers even if they're nice.

I know it's a present anyway...but AIBU?

OP posts:
TulipCat · 19/12/2021 15:58

@KirstenBlest

I don't think that flowers are a present, they are a token of appreciation.
Exactly this I love receiving flowers but not in lieu of a day of me-time.
MerylSqueak · 19/12/2021 16:04

Yanbu. I would like a day to myself more than anything. I'd be gutted.

daisypond · 19/12/2021 16:08

I like flowers, but in your situation I’d be disappointed and a bit annoyed. Of course a day’s babysitting is much more of a present, and one you asked for.

Bimblybomeyelash · 19/12/2021 16:09

I think I’d assume that babysitting was part of the present! I mean they could hardly wrap a babysitter up and give it to you. You asked, they said yes, so I’d assume that they are waiting for you to say the day.

Otherwise I don’t think you can moan about having expensive flowers when there are other things that you’d prefer - seeing as you didn’t ask for any of these other things.

IWentAwayIStayedAway · 19/12/2021 16:18

I think you need to message your parents to book your day

Frankley · 19/12/2021 16:27

I have a chronically ill relative, she can not deal with cut flowers. She is just too tired. I once sent her some silk flowers, which l think she liked.

Chely · 19/12/2021 16:32

A bunch of flowers instead of a much wanted day off, yeah I'd be pissed off too.

Bluntness100 · 19/12/2021 16:35

They said yes to the baby sitting, maybe they got the flowers too, why not just ask to book the date in.

I like flowers. But only unexpectedly. I am not a fan of them for birthdays as I think they are a lazy gift.

Hankunamatata · 19/12/2021 16:38

Have you given your parents dates that they could babysit to see if they are free?

CrimbleCrumble1 · 19/12/2021 16:42

I’d also ask outright what day can they babysit?
I like to receive flowers, I get excited when they turn up and I feel special.

PussyCatEatingPigsInBlankets · 19/12/2021 16:44

They're such a waste.
I throw flowers straight into the garden waste bin, and have done a few times.
They always seem to have a sodding lily and I have 2 indoor only cats.
I cut the plastic etc off and dump them.

fourminutestosavetheworld · 19/12/2021 16:47

I don't really understand why you haven't asked them what day they're babysitting.

I would have said 'the flowers are lovely but I'm most excited about my day off, when are you able to have the kids for me?'

They are your parents. Surely you can just ask?

MrsMoastyToasty · 19/12/2021 16:56

I don't like getting flowers either. I have bad hayfever and certain plants like lilies, daffodils and others with visible pollen on them really set me off.
My next thought is why am I being given something that is already dying?

KateyKontent · 19/12/2021 16:57

I would ask about the day to yourself. They may well want to offer to help without actually helping. Asking a direct question puts it out there in reality. You can be assertive without being aggressive. Ask when not if.

Kite22 · 19/12/2021 17:04

I don't think anyone would really want flowers even if they're nice.

YABU with this.
I love flowers. I appreciate anyone who buys me flowers, and I will buy them for myself every now and then.

YANBU to be disappointed in them asking what you wanted, agreeing to what you wanted, and then not delivering what you wanted.
Although, I don't know how fit and well they are and how much of a challenge your dc are, as to if this was a reasonable request or not.

Topseyt · 19/12/2021 17:05

@seven201

I'd message your mum and say "can we book in that day of babysitting for my birthday present? I'm really looking forward to it. How about x date?"
That would be my approach too.

I am not big on flowers at home. I can't put my finger on why because they do look lovely, but I wouldn't see them as a birthday present or anything. That said though, if I am sent any I am suitably gracious and look after them to the best of my ability.

When my Dad died earlier this year I remember the house being overwhelmed with flowers. They were lovely of course, and we were grateful for people's kind thoughts but there was the tinge of sadness too. We did of course also purchase a large wreath for the top of his coffin. I think I now unfortunately associate cut flowers in the house with that time. It isn't yet long enough ago.

Ask your parents when they will babysit.

Personally, I guess if they really wanted you to have something for yourself they could have arranged to babysit for the day and given you some money or a voucher to take shopping with you.

irregularegular · 19/12/2021 17:08

If that is instead of the babysitter for a day off, then YANBU. If it is in addition, then YABU. Unless you have told them before that you really don't like receiving flowers.

They said yes to the babysitter for a day off. If I were you I would politely ask when they/you can arrange that for.

Emerald5hamrock · 19/12/2021 17:11

I love a random bunch of flowers normally but they are not what you asked for.
Yanbu, if they'd have done the baby-sitting too I'd say you were a little ungrateful.

DappledThings · 19/12/2021 17:14

I hate flowers. They are a pain to deal with when they first arrive and when you have to get rid of the slimy water. I don't think they look sad but they don't give me any joy either. I'm neutral about how they look and very much pissed off with the work they create for me.

CrimbleCrumble1 · 19/12/2021 17:16

I spend about three minutes filling a vase with water, opening the sachet of flower food stuff and putting them in the vase.

ginslinger · 19/12/2021 17:21

message your parents and ask them when they are having the children as agreed

AskingQuestionsAllTheTime · 19/12/2021 17:34

maggiecate
And no lilies.

Even apart from the danger to cats, all that pollen! The stain never comes out. And yes you can cut off every stamen or whatever they are called before you put them in the vase, but that's just another layer of faff.

DifferentHair
I'd much rather a living potted plant or literally nothing.

That is how I feel, with the sole exception of tulips. Only one of my family has ever grasped this, possibly because she is the only one of them who really listens to me. She buys me tulips occasionally: not for birthdays, just because she sees some and is going to be visiting me later, as far as I can make out.

RuthW · 19/12/2021 17:37

I hate flowers too. I haven't got time to arrange, maintain and throw them away.

ChampagneLassie · 19/12/2021 17:40

Ask them for the day's childcare, they're your parents this only costs them their time surely they'd enjoy doing this. I'd assume the flowers were an extra cause they wanted to send something and didn't know what.

GemmaRuby · 19/12/2021 17:41

I do like flowers but it’s not a suitable present for a big birthday.

To clarify, were you asking your parents to pay for a babysitter as the present. Or were you asking them to babysit themselves?

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