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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I being ungrateful about flowers

94 replies

ncnewbaby · 19/12/2021 11:42

OK I probably am.

But I have 2 kids, single parent, and a chronic illness, and I'm feeling really run down atm.

I recently had a big birthday and my parents said they would like to get me something I would really like to mark it. So at first I said no it's fine but they insisted so I said I would really like one day of a babysitter so I can relax and have a day to myself. They said yes.

And then on the day I got a bouquet of expensive flowers delivered and they said did you like your present.

I said yes...but flowers are actually just kind of pointless effort for me, washing a vase, putting them out, cleaning the fallen petals, throwing them away again...sounds like not a lot but with a chronic illness it actually is a slog. And I didn't get my day off which is what I really wanted. I don't think anyone would really want flowers even if they're nice.

I know it's a present anyway...but AIBU?

OP posts:
DifferentHair · 19/12/2021 12:43

Oh wow- my people!

I hate receiving cut flowers.

I see them and think:

a) they have a massive carbon footprint

ideas.ted.com/the-environmental-impact-of-cut-flowers-not-so-rosy/amp/

b) they equate to more housework for me.

I'd much rather a living potted plant or literally nothing.

But I'm also excruciatingly polite so I thank everyone and say I love them. It feels so good to express my opinion for once, even if it's only anonymously online.

larkle · 19/12/2021 12:44

I agree with @Blossomtoes. So many posts on here from women who are disappointed with gifts given with generosity of intention. The gifts are always wrong.
These posters who claim to give really thoughtful gifts themselves tp partners or family. Sometimes I ask about the really thoughtful gifts (hoping to steal ideas) and they always seem to be a framed photo or an album of photos.
Thank your parents then ask them if they are still on to give you a few hours break.
Perhaps there should be an MN official gift list in case anyone needs directing to a suitable and desirable present.

larkle · 19/12/2021 12:45

Funny video about unwanted presents

girlmom21 · 19/12/2021 12:46

My only vase broke so I'd be annoyed by flowers too!

I agree they're an expensive waste of money but id also ask your parents when they're having the kids.

Tiptoearound · 19/12/2021 12:46

I hate getting cut flowers too. It isn’t really much effort for the sender either, I would have expected something more thoughtful for a big birthday. Just tell people you have an allergy to them so you won’t get them again

Bubblty · 19/12/2021 12:47

I hate flowers as have similar issues to you OP so it's like..Great.. you've given me something else to do.

ParkheadParadise · 19/12/2021 12:57

I used to love flowers in the house until my dd died. Honestly, we must have received 100+ bouquets.
They were absolutely everywhere one of my sisters was in charge of watering them. I hated the sight of them.
The funeral flowers were also a waste of money ££££'s for a wreath.
I do buy fresh flowers every week for the cemetery but I don't like them in my house only at Christmas time.

StrangerThanSpring · 19/12/2021 12:58

I think for anyone struggling with money, flowers are a thoughtless gift.

When my kids were small and i didn't have a lot of money, my MIL sent me a gift voucher. Sure I spent most of it on food shopping but it was such a wonderful feeling not to worry about money that week. It was a really great present. A friend got me flowers but with a newborn and a toddler, I just didn't have anywhere to put them that was safe from the toddler, so just put them outside in the end. It was just such a waste.

Comedycook · 19/12/2021 13:02

@StrangerThanSpring

I think for anyone struggling with money, flowers are a thoughtless gift.

When my kids were small and i didn't have a lot of money, my MIL sent me a gift voucher. Sure I spent most of it on food shopping but it was such a wonderful feeling not to worry about money that week. It was a really great present. A friend got me flowers but with a newborn and a toddler, I just didn't have anywhere to put them that was safe from the toddler, so just put them outside in the end. It was just such a waste.

It's true. My friends are are fairly well off. I knew my eight bunches of flowers were expensive and would have been about £50 per bunch. Honestly, a ten quid supermarket voucher would have been much more welcome!
WaltzForDebbie · 19/12/2021 13:03

@IAmMeThisIsI

I was planning on having flowers delivered to my MIL for Christmas. Guess that's off the agenda now. I don't know what to buy her. She's always REALLY spoiled both me and my husband too. I don't want to get her flowers if they'll inconvenience her.

OP YNBU because they promised you one thing and then snatched it away. That's cruel. I wouldn't be happy if my own parents did this to me.

Does she like house plants? You can get some really nice ones with pots now Smile
Nomorecoco · 19/12/2021 13:04

I'm the same, I have cats and have had arrangements which are either poisonous to them or they just eat the leaves and make them sick so I have to hide them away in rooms they don't (and I rarely also go in) just annoys me, I've told people before not to get them but they don't understand. Angry

KirstenBlest · 19/12/2021 13:05

I don't think that flowers are a present, they are a token of appreciation.

goingtotown · 19/12/2021 13:09

Recovering from Covid my MIL sent me a Cornish Cream Tea, 4 fresh scones jam clotted cream tea bags & biscuits beautifully presented.

seven201 · 19/12/2021 13:10

I'd message your mum and say "can we book
in that day of babysitting for my birthday present? I'm really looking forward to it. How about x date?"

Comedycook · 19/12/2021 13:15

Actually the more I think about it, the only time I've enjoyed getting flowers is when they are from a romantic interest....if you receive them from a man you're interested in or dating, it's a really nice, romantic gesture that makes you feel special... otherwise I think they're a crap thoughtless waste of money.

Luredbyapomegranate · 19/12/2021 13:15

It’s bizarre, you asked for a day off and clearly need one, and they gave you flowers…

Flowers are for people you don’t know, people you know really like them, or people who really don’t need anything. They aren’t a present really.. more like an jazzed you version of a card.

I would actually tell your parents that you really needed and were looking forward to a day off, so please could you have that next year. I’d rarely suggest criticising a present but here I would - they are lazy and shit.

And I like flowers..

Luredbyapomegranate · 19/12/2021 13:16

@seven201

I'd message your mum and say "can we book in that day of babysitting for my birthday present? I'm really looking forward to it. How about x date?"
Yes! Do this -
Iluvfriends · 19/12/2021 13:17

I'm not a flower person so i wouldn't appreciate flowers as a gift. I would rather have something useful.

icedcoffees · 19/12/2021 13:18

I would take the flowers as a token gift so you have something on your birthday, say thank you, and speak to your parents separately to arrange a day for them to have the DC.

Maybe they assumed you were going to arrange the day as you know your schedule for work, childcare etc?

shouldistop · 19/12/2021 13:18

I love flowers. Did you arrange the day for them to babysit? It sounds like they say yes and they're waiting for you to arrange the date. Communication is all that's needed here I think

SoSickOfItNow · 19/12/2021 13:34

YANBU @ncnewbaby

I posted on a thread last night about how - unless you unwrap, trim the flowers arrange them in a vase, tidy the mess -then all you are gifting is a chore.

My heart sinks when I get flowers but I also have a chronic illness and it’s hard work carry out extra tasks you don’t have enough spoons for!

InconvenientPeg · 19/12/2021 13:54

I love getting flowers bit not when I've asked for something else! Maybe they were just an extra, and they'll still do the babysitting?

Also I rarely buy them for someone else, because multiple bouquets are a nightmare. If I buy them, I tend to get them a couple of weeks after someone's birthday and always use Scilly isles suppliers in a small mitigation of the carbon footprint!

HestersSamplerofCarrots · 19/12/2021 13:55

I’m completely with you. They are very pretty but, unless they come pre-arranged in a container with water, they are a gift that involves the recipient doing work. And they don’t last.

They’re a crap birthday present really.

Ok for Mother’s Day, anniversaries, ‘thinking of you’, ‘just because (but only subject to the condition of not needing any effort), but rubbish for a birthday.

turnaroundtime · 19/12/2021 15:53

That's the epitome of a thoughtless gift. If you love cut flowers then they are a lovely gift. You made it very clear that what you wanted was time not flowers. They took the easy option of spending money. It's the thought that counts and they didn't think of you at all. They thought if what they wanted. But you.

eightmaidsamilking · 19/12/2021 15:58

I hate fresh flowers around the house for many of the same reasons as you OP. Everything from having to find the right shaped vase to the slimy water and having to change it.