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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being ungrateful about flowers

94 replies

ncnewbaby · 19/12/2021 11:42

OK I probably am.

But I have 2 kids, single parent, and a chronic illness, and I'm feeling really run down atm.

I recently had a big birthday and my parents said they would like to get me something I would really like to mark it. So at first I said no it's fine but they insisted so I said I would really like one day of a babysitter so I can relax and have a day to myself. They said yes.

And then on the day I got a bouquet of expensive flowers delivered and they said did you like your present.

I said yes...but flowers are actually just kind of pointless effort for me, washing a vase, putting them out, cleaning the fallen petals, throwing them away again...sounds like not a lot but with a chronic illness it actually is a slog. And I didn't get my day off which is what I really wanted. I don't think anyone would really want flowers even if they're nice.

I know it's a present anyway...but AIBU?

OP posts:

HelloDulling · 19/12/2021 17:47

it sounds really spoiled but there are things I would really appreciate and flowers are just an expensive waste

But you told them you not to buy you anything! Why didn’t you ask for one of things you would like?

Pyracanth · 19/12/2021 17:50

@Comedycook

Actually the more I think about it, the only time I've enjoyed getting flowers is when they are from a romantic interest....if you receive them from a man you're interested in or dating, it's a really nice, romantic gesture that makes you feel special... otherwise I think they're a crap thoughtless waste of money.

Exactly this. At the beginning of a relationship when it’s all exciting, receiving flowers from a man I really like as a sign he really likes me is amazing! Any other time I feel it’s a huge waste but irl you have to pretend you absolutely love them and they’re soooo beautiful when in fact you’re thinking what a pain you’ve got to try and cram all that cardboard in your bin.

Suzanne999 · 19/12/2021 17:51

Yanbu at all.
What was the point of your parents asking what you’d like and then sending something else?
I agree with you, flowers are hard work and when you’ve got a chronic condition it can feel like climbing a mountain just to find the right size vase.

Gravatar · 19/12/2021 17:54

I would love flowers if they were to my taste, but that wasn't what you wanted! I would have felt really unheard and like my wishes weren't important. And if money was an issue I definitely would feel like it was a wasted extravagance. I'm sorry this happened to you.

Blossom64265 · 19/12/2021 17:54

I love receiving arranged flowers.

Flowers I have to arrange myself just make me feel inadequate.

Singleorigincoffee · 19/12/2021 17:56

Personally I love flowers around festive season and get a bunch weekly from supermarket.

My MIL hate them which makes me like them more 🤣🤣

MerryMarigold · 19/12/2021 17:58

I voted YANBU. Personally, I love flowers - but people know this about me. I think it's odd to give flowers as a special birthday present unless someone really loves them, especially when you've already asked and they said something which wasn't flowers. Very odd. I guess it's an easy option. Are you close to your parents?

50ShadesOfCatholic · 19/12/2021 18:02

Oh I hear you! My heart sinks when I am presented with flowers.

Basically it's another task... Find a vase blah blah, keep cleaning up then chuck them out. And all the crap they're wrapped in.
I much prefer flowers in the garden.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 19/12/2021 18:08

You're not being unreasonable at all. They asked you what you wanted. You asked for something that for one day will make your life easier. They chose something that makes your life prettier. Not even close for what you asked for. If you're not going to bother listening to the answer then don't ask the question and raise expectations. Yanbu to be disappointed

JennyForeigner · 19/12/2021 18:14

I worked in human rights around the cut flower farms in Kenya and won't have overseas bouquets in the house now. It's not miserabilism, it's ethical.

cleanasawhistle · 19/12/2021 18:36

I am not keen on receiving flowers either.......and I don't like house plants.
This week I have been given flowers and house plants by some lovely friends,but at Christmas especially they are just in the way.
Not that I would ever say and offend anyone.

So sorry your parents are so thoughtless OP

BritWifeInUSA · 19/12/2021 18:38

I love flowers from the garden. Bouquets are nice but can be a lot of money for what they are.

Do they know the full details of your illness and what impact it has on your life? I remember your previous thread where you still having tests to find a diagnosis and your parents thought you were lazy. I assume you now have your diagnosis. Have you sat down with them and talked them through what it means? Maybe they thought you were joking when you said you wanted a day off for your birthday.

invisiblereally · 19/12/2021 18:43

Yanbu OP. Flowers really are the "no idea what you like" presents, just like candles or expensive shower gels.

I also don't want flowers - but worse can't have them in the house (respiratory problems) - so they stay on the porch for neighbour/friend I ring up ask to collect- if they fancy them. The giver might as burn the money, as it's not a present for me.

I think flowers are a terrible cop out.

Original poster

ncnewbaby · 19/12/2021 19:00

@BritWifeInUSA Thinking about it I think the context is a lot to do with why the flowers hit a nerve.

I was actually diagnosed with ME (chronic fatigue) years ago due to process of elimination but they never really accepted it as legitimate (they never mention it or ask how I'm doing, if I ever say I'm not feeling well they ask Why and act like they don't know what I'm talking about).

I think this situation is a combination of honestly not liking flowers and not feeling understood by them - the fact that flowers make my life harder, the fact that I'm tired and in pain a lot of the time and they have always ignored it. And the fact they said yes to the babysitting and then ignored it, when it's something that would actually help me.

Sorry just felt like a rant!

OP posts:

EKGEMS · 19/12/2021 19:28

Can you not message your parents what you've said here or talk to them? Even if it changes nothing you've said your peace? Btw I've gotten shit from my parents for years now-birthdays and Christmas zilch. It sucks

Christmascakecakecheese · 19/12/2021 19:33

I love flowers but I'm not in need of a well deserved day off like you are! I'm sorry you didn't get it. Definitely bring it up though, maybe frame it as that is all you want for Christmas and emphasise how much you need a break.

Restart10 · 19/12/2021 19:36

I Hate flowers too, too much hard work. Remembering to water them, clear away dried leaves and I don't feel this is a gift. I would prefer something practical, instead of something imo is pointless and will be thrown away after a short while.

TractorAndHeadphones · 19/12/2021 20:29

YANBU. It’s a thoughtless gift from people who know you!

Level75 · 19/12/2021 20:38

Could you mention the babysitting to them with a date in mind - eg 'you know you agreed to babysit for a birthday present-can you do x day?'

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