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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU DH to write own Christmas cards?

84 replies

LovingLivingLife · 16/12/2021 18:33

AIBU to insist my husband to write his own Christmas cards for his friends & his side of the family?

We both work full time, and we have a DD2. We share fairly equally the work load at home, even if not the mental load.

I do the vast majority of Christmas preparations including decorating the house, buying gifts, wrapping, food planning, shopping & cooking, and getting ready for both sides of the family being with us for a few days. I don't mind doing all this, I love Christmas! 🎄🎅

The only thing I insist on is that he does a small share of the Christmas cards; his side of the family, his mum's family friends (at his mum's constant request!), and his close friends (not the mutual ones).

He kicks up such a fuss every year and his mum looks at me like I have grown a second head when I said it was up to DH or it wouldn't get done. So I am starting to doubt myself...AIBU?

OP posts:

Bigfathairyones · 16/12/2021 18:33

You know you're not BU.....

Frenchfancy · 16/12/2021 18:35

Stop worrying about what MIL will think. Just stop sending Christmas cards. The world will not end and you might save a few trees.

Wigglegiggle0520 · 16/12/2021 18:36

@Bigfathairyones

You know you're not BU.....

Yep this.

If he can work a full time job he can sort a handful of Christmas cards at the very least.

NorthSouthcatlady · 16/12/2021 18:36

What did his last slave die of?! I do my family and friends, my fiancé dies his. Why do some people think Christmas is about women running themselves ragged and chasing round after everyone else?

Snowmanuel · 16/12/2021 18:39

Are you unreasonable for asking a grown man to not have a tantrum and take responsibility for the most minute element of the extensive christmas preparations? No. You’re not.

He’s a lazy twat who likes you doing everything and throws childish strops to try to break your spirit so you do it instead and let him off.

Elfonthesofa · 16/12/2021 18:39

MIL pulled this stunt with me once.

I told her that I wasn't the one who brought him up to think it was acceptable to not be arsed to send his family cards.

He still doesn't send them now 15 years later. MiL is probably still silently seething but she knows better than to ask me where the cards are now.

DroopyClematis · 16/12/2021 18:42

We now only send to elderly family and friends.
When we write cards, husband writes inside them, I write the envelopes.

PinkArt · 16/12/2021 18:42

Ask him what he's finding so hard about them and ask him why he thinks writing to his family and friends should be your job? And leave the manchild to it!

Howshouldibehave · 16/12/2021 18:43

He kicks up such a fuss every year

Why?

Do your cards and don’t do his. It’s his problem if they don’t get done. I wouldn’t even mention it, then there’s no fuss.

How does the fuss manifest itself-are you hassling him to do them?

FlorenceWintle · 16/12/2021 18:45

I told her that I wasn't the one who brought him up to think it was acceptable to not be arsed to send his family cards.

This would be a good response the next time your MIL looks at you like you’ve grown a second head.

trumpisagit · 16/12/2021 18:46

Does he actually want to do Christmas cards?
They are not compulsory.
If his family and friends don't get Christmas cards that's up to him.

luverlybubberly · 16/12/2021 18:48

Of course yanbu
Where does he think we'll organised Christmases come from?

Bubblty · 16/12/2021 18:48

I let him use the ones I buy every year as he forgets to get any. Then he forgets to write them until a few days before and thinks its OK to post them on like the 23rd 1st class..

Bubblty · 16/12/2021 18:48

@FlorenceWintle

I told her that I wasn't the one who brought him up to think it was acceptable to not be arsed to send his family cards.

This would be a good response the next time your MIL looks at you like you’ve grown a second head.

I might steal this

TheCatterall · 16/12/2021 18:50

You know you aren’t BU. It’s the bare minimum he could do towards the Christmas burden/tasks.

Basically if he wants his friends and family involved in Christmas I’d have him wrapping the pressies as well. Who gives a monkeys how far his Mumsies eyebrows travel up her forehead at this? She should have trained him better to begin with…

Let them have a year with nothing. Don’t ask or nah him. Just leave it to him. He’s a grown adult capable of this if he puts his mind to it.

Blossom64265 · 16/12/2021 18:50

If I left cards to DH, there would be no cards for his family. He is fine with that, I am not, so I do the cards.

If your DH actually cares about cards going out, he definitely should be willing to do them himself. He could also offer to take a chore off your list in exchange for you doing his share, if this would be mutually beneficial.

WorraLiberty · 16/12/2021 18:53

@Bigfathairyones

You know you're not BU.....

Exactly

I don't believe for a second you're beginning to doubt yourself OP

Just ignore him and if it doesn't get done it's not your problem

Iloveacurry · 16/12/2021 18:54

A fiver says his mum was a stay at home mum who did everything! And that’s why she thinks you should be doing it.

My DH does his family and friends cards himself.

PuppyMonkey · 16/12/2021 18:56

He sounds like a knob end.

(The way forward is for both of you to not send Christmas cards at all to anyone ever, life changing).

AnneLovesGilbert · 16/12/2021 18:59

YANBU. Obviously. Why do you tolerate a strop every year?

Summerrain123 · 16/12/2021 19:01

It's really no drama. If he doesn't do them, that's totally ok. If MIL has a problem with it, ignore! Not your problem.

Original poster

LovingLivingLife · 16/12/2021 19:01

@Howshouldibehave

He kicks up such a fuss every year

Why?

Do your cards and don’t do his. It’s his problem if they don’t get done. I wouldn’t even mention it, then there’s no fuss.

How does the fuss manifest itself-are you hassling him to do them?

He kicks up a fuss because I have been asking him to do it. Perhaps I shouldn't bother. I just hate thinking his family just think I can't be bothered...

OP posts:

IgneousRock · 16/12/2021 19:02

YANBU to refuse to write them for him, but YABU to insist he writes them. If he doesn't want to, just don't send them. Lots of people don't these days.

Wombat69 · 16/12/2021 19:02

My DH did his own & then offered to write the addresses on mine, as I have arthritis.

Look vague & wander off if he mentions cards. 😁

IgneousRock · 16/12/2021 19:02

Cross post!

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