AIBU DH to write own Christmas cards?

[LovingLivingLife]

AIBU to insist my husband to write his own Christmas cards for his friends & his side of the family?

We both work full time, and we have a DD2. We share fairly equally the work load at home, even if not the mental load.

I do the vast majority of Christmas preparations including decorating the house, buying gifts, wrapping, food planning, shopping & cooking, and getting ready for both sides of the family being with us for a few days. I don't mind doing all this, I love Christmas! 🎄🎅

The only thing I insist on is that he does a small share of the Christmas cards; his side of the family, his mum's family friends (at his mum's constant request!), and his close friends (not the mutual ones).

He kicks up such a fuss every year and his mum looks at me like I have grown a second head when I said it was up to DH or it wouldn't get done. So I am starting to doubt myself...AIBU?

@LittleMy77

I used to charge dh £25 an hour to write his; he’d happily pay it and I came away £50 richer!

Haha that's a good way to handle things too. Perhaps I could charge a spa day 😜

But getting pressure from other women with the subtext that I am being lazy/ bad wife / petty is different. I guess I kinda think MIL has reasons for her opinion (precious only son, was a single mum herself, etc...) but I wonder if the other women that wouldn't get a card from us would think it of me too

So what if they do? Their opinion is stupid and therefore not valid. In situations like this, it's often useful to turn the situation around. You're tying yourself in knots about writing cards for your inlaws.

Would your DH ever take charge and get on with writing cards for your DM, DSis etc etc without any prompting from you? Of course he wouldn't. There's probably almost no men who are in relationships with women who have done this. So why should you give this headspace simply because you are female? If he wants his family to get cards from him, he will sort it. If he's not bothered, why should you be?

@BettyfromBristol

I think not taking on the card writing was on a par with not taking on ironing the shirts in my ILs eyes. I think I was seen as slightly rebellious and too "modern". If his family don't get cards it's absolutely not my problem, I don't even know most of the addresses.

You hit the nail on the head here.

MIL is still of the opinion a man's shirts should be ironed, clothes washed & put away, home cooked dinner every night and DHs involvement with DD should be no more than Saturday/ Sunday days out.

Our equal split of chores, childcare and financial contribution is 'too modern' to put it politely.

Thanks everyone, your funny responses have given me a giggle and there has been some solid advice too.

This evening I let my husband know where the cards, address book and stamps are and told him that I would not be reminding him. If they go, they go. If not then 🤷🏻 I have also given him the option of 'paying me' with a spa day or chore swap but funnily enough he didn't bite on that one!

And great advice also if someone asks I will look pointedly at DH until he answers.

Usually I do it, I have better handwriting.
My friend has a stamp that says Merry Christmas, love from X&Y.

This evening I let my husband know where the cards, address book and stamps are

That you bought, no doubt? And have always been in the same place, but he required pointed out to him? Also, please note, that was reminding him.

This is such an odd thread to me. It’s like a time warp. You seem lovely, OP, but I’ve RTFT and still really don’t understand your thought processes around this. Thinking you might be unreasonable in this context seems genuinely bizarre to me.

YANBU to not do it, if you don't want to

BUT

I don't think every job / task in the house has to be split 50:50
There are some jobs that one of us hates and the other one doesn't mind, and even some that one of us quite likes and the other doesn't like.
I tend to write nearly all of the cards we send, as I don't mind that as a task - sitting in the warm watching a Christmas film and keeping in touch with people I like, so I do it. There are other things that I don't like doing, that he cracks on with, without being bothered by it.

Of course, if someone else started telling me I had to, or even 'ought to' write cards to a particular list of people, then all goodwill would be withdrawn instantly. As an adult, I think I can make my own decisions about who I do, and don't send cards to.

Who cares what your husbands mother thinks? Direct her concerns to the man she bred. Why is it your job to write on paper for his relatives?
If his handwriting is shit he needs loads of practice. If it’s his penis that’s stopping him from writing on bits of paper he needs loads of practice. None of your business.

Well, if there’s one thing I’m taking out of this thread it’s that I’ll be charging my DH for all the Christmas wifework. Thanks ladies