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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

No school for you today then?

331 replies

DinosaurStompGrrrr · 15/12/2021 21:59

Today in the bank I was waiting with my DC and the man in front of us turns round to us and says to us ‘No school today for you then?’

DC term has finished (yes, private school) but when I said they were on holiday, I was told that it was ‘generous’ of the school. Innocuous comment on the one hand but I still responded ‘no work for you today then?’. I just felt he would not have said this to a man on his own. It felt like he wanted to just put his view even if unwelcome or unnecessary…

OP posts:
Hadjab · 16/12/2021 07:38

Just leaving this here, as I’m not sure OP is clear on the definitions of the word ‘challenge’

challenge

noun
noun: challenge; plural noun: challenges
1.
a call to someone to participate in a competitive situation or fight to decide who is superior in terms of ability or strength.
"he accepted the challenge"

a call to prove or justify something.
"a challenge to the legality of the banning order"

dispute the truth or validity of.
"it is possible to challenge the report's assumptions"
.
4
invite (someone) to engage in a contest.
"he challenged one of my men to a duel"

WhatIsThisPlease · 16/12/2021 07:40

Why do people try so hard to look for offence when clearly none was intended?

StarfishDish · 16/12/2021 07:40

@MandalaYogaTapestry The Op sounds the same tbh!

username1293948 · 16/12/2021 07:42

Ffs get over yourself he was only making polite conversation Hmm

CinnamonJellyBeans · 16/12/2021 07:42

It was a challenge.

The man clearly thought that the child should be in school. hence the "no school today for YOU". This sentence shows that as far as the man is concerned, school is on and the kid is not there.

Now, if school is indeed in session and a child is not there, the reason for non-attendance is invariably personal and never something pleasant: medical appt, bereavement, illness, family emergency. I would suggest that most of the time there is a valid reason and this is no one's business but the parent and school.

The man was either expecting the OP to make her excuse to him for her child's non-attendance, or wishing to assert himself by making her feel she he's caught her out.

I wonder if that nosy prick would actually step up to the plate and intervene if there was a genuine need: Kid half dressed in winter, parent with child showing no road safety, parent shouting at child in street. Probably not. He probably (like most people) thinks he's being a useful citizen with his passive aggressive challenge.

If he was just trying to make conversation, there are many easier and more polite ways.

In case it's not clear by now, I'd have gone nuts.

PinkWednesdays · 16/12/2021 07:43

@WhatIsThisPlease

Why do people try so hard to look for offence when clearly none was intended?
This! Wonder if OP would have had the same reaction if a woman said it.
MandalaYogaTapestry · 16/12/2021 07:46

[quote StarfishDish]@MandalaYogaTapestry The Op sounds the same tbh![/quote]
She was giving back on what she was getting from him. Since he sounded judgmental, it was her choice to either be nice and kind regardless, or not.

Notonthestairs · 16/12/2021 07:47

@CinnamonJellyBeans it's the week before Christmas. I imagine he was expecting the Op/child to say broken up for the holidays. Shocking I know.

PinkWednesdays · 16/12/2021 07:49

@MandalaYogaTapestry Or maybe, just maybe, OP misunderstood his tone and was unpleasant in return. She’s already got an issue with him being a man who said this, so it’s possible she was immediately on the defensive because he has a penis?

MissMinutes24 · 16/12/2021 07:50

@Hercisback

Of course they'd say it to a man. It's just chit chat. It was said to the kids really.
No, they wouldn't
gogohm · 16/12/2021 07:53

Making conversation no more no less. People seem to get offended at anything!

OnlyheretovoteonAIBU · 16/12/2021 07:58

@DinosaurStompGrrrr

But why do older men need to challenge younger women? Would they say that to a man?
Why do you think this has anything to do with your gender or age? Sounds like it was just small talk and you’ve interpreted it as a misogynistic slur on your parenting.

What a sad world we now live in.

Nishkin · 16/12/2021 08:01

Grateful I didn’t send my children to private schools to mix with rude people

ClaudiaJ1 · 16/12/2021 08:03

I wasn't there and even I can tell from the OP that he sounded quite snarky. It's the " ‘generous’ of the school " bit, that sounded like he was saying kids get too much holidays and don't deserve it and he should be at school.

I 'get it' OP, even if many others on here don't. Just reading your OP it's clear that he thought children should be at school, out of his site, and Christmas holidays are 'too generous'. Your retort was excellent, and I would love to know what his reaction was to that, @DinosaurStompGrrrr

thewhatsit · 16/12/2021 08:04

In these Covid times I always feel awkward when I have my DC with me during what is still term time for state schools and I always want to produce a sign saying “Term is over. They don’t have Covid.”

ClaudiaJ1 · 16/12/2021 08:04

*sight

Hoppinggreen · 16/12/2021 08:06

@DinosaurStompGrrrr

But why do older men need to challenge younger women? Would they say that to a man?
I’m as feisty as they come when men say something to a woman that they would never say to a man but this isn’t such a situation, the man was just making conversation
lollipoprainbow · 16/12/2021 08:06

@CinnamonJellyBeans you sound a delightful person now he's a 'nosy prick'. I despair of the human race sometimes.

FissionMailed · 16/12/2021 08:06

I haven't seen anyone ask a simple question...

Would op have responded the same if it was an older woman that had spoken to her child?

Original poster
DinosaurStompGrrrr · 16/12/2021 08:07

Wow! Thank you all so much for commenting. I haven’t had time to read through to respond to any particular points yet but one thing does strike me about some posts.

My comment to him is rude and insensitive even though he was in a bank (looking by all accounts doing a pretty big transaction as it goes) as it’s insensitive because he might not be able to work (implication I was picking on the poor). However, his comment to me considering he didn’t know anything about me either (I could have just been through a bereavement or not been able to afford to get my child to school that day) wasn’t insensitive but making chit chat.

One has to ask if such double standards in the way this conversation is dealt with on this thread is actually yes, because my child was off due to a private education.

I get if I was sensitive. I don’t get your double standards.

OP posts:
Fetchthevet · 16/12/2021 08:07

@DinosaurStompGrrrr

But why do older men need to challenge younger women? Would they say that to a man?
Oh FFS.

Don't analyse every throw away comment. Your life will be miserable.

DroopyClematis · 16/12/2021 08:09

Many shops, banks etc used to get told term dates so as to keep an eye out for truants.
Maybe the man was just doing that.

Outdated , I know but I remember that our McDonalds used to check term dates and would refuse to sell to a pupil during term time during the day.

lollipoprainbow · 16/12/2021 08:10

@DinosaurStompGrrrr no one gives a shit about your child's private education. You are way too oversensitive!

PinkWednesdays · 16/12/2021 08:11

@DinosaurStompGrrrr

Wow! Thank you all so much for commenting. I haven’t had time to read through to respond to any particular points yet but one thing does strike me about some posts.

My comment to him is rude and insensitive even though he was in a bank (looking by all accounts doing a pretty big transaction as it goes) as it’s insensitive because he might not be able to work (implication I was picking on the poor). However, his comment to me considering he didn’t know anything about me either (I could have just been through a bereavement or not been able to afford to get my child to school that day) wasn’t insensitive but making chit chat.

One has to ask if such double standards in the way this conversation is dealt with on this thread is actually yes, because my child was off due to a private education.

I get if I was sensitive. I don’t get your double standards.

Oh FGS. You definitely sound very very sensitive and prickly! There are no double standards at all!
Clymene · 16/12/2021 08:11

He was making conversation. It used to be a thing.

I doubt he'll bother again though so go you!