Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sex talk at work

131 replies

user9087890 · 14/12/2021 19:41

Colleague has a new boyfriend and she is enjoying over sharing at the moment. Other colleagues have been joining in today.
Some examples of comments, she was eating a quality street and asked if someone else could answer the phone as she was sucking on a sweet to which a colleague replies bet thats not the only thing you have been sucking on recently.
Later in the day she is kneeling down sorting some stuff, when she gets up moans her knees are hurting to which colleagues reply I bet they are after this weekend.
AIBU to think this is a bit OTT?

OP posts:
hotmeatymilk · 15/12/2021 09:38

@worriedatthemoment OK? I’m not sure what you want me to say; it’s not my OP. Clearly the OP preferred to gauge opinion before speaking up, which is her right. Possibly because I’m an environment where people are making lewd jokes, it’s incredibly difficult to be the one to say “I’m uncomfortable”.

worriedatthemoment · 15/12/2021 09:39

@penguinwithasuitcase but thats you and your friends , other people have different types of friendship groups
And may find these comments funny or a joke , your not superior becAuse your friends wouldn't , I may be offended by things your friends laugh about at times for all you know
GenerAlly its about knowing your audience like a joke my ds finds funny my nan prob won't
Workplace more tricky as obviously could be consequences
Op maybe needs to speak to someone so that everyone is reminded of whAt office talk needs to be if she doesn't want to take it further or elSe reports to HR

worriedatthemoment · 15/12/2021 09:44

@hotmeatymilk i answered you as you replied to me and it was my opinion what i wrote or think
We don't have to all agree and can have different experiences
The OP does seem to think its OTT as opposed to looking for people to be sacked , so maybe their best case is to go to hr and say office talk has been getting out of hand could a reminder be sent to all to remind them of appropriate conversTions .

penguinwithasuitcase · 15/12/2021 09:50

Precisely, @worriedatthemoment. Exactly as you say: joking like this in the workplace is tricky, because not everyone wants to hear about blow jobs at the office, and there may well be consequences for this kind of behaviour.

That's exactly what most of the people you seem to be trying to argue against are saying.

You weren't quite so 'open to everyone's experiences' while you were calling everyone stuck up and too easily offended upthread, were you?

Careful backpedaling too quick – you'll get stuck in the mud.

rainbowandglitter · 15/12/2021 09:51

Pretty standard conversations from when I was in the office

worriedatthemoment · 15/12/2021 09:57

@penguinwithasuitcase im not back peddaling at all some of the comments Are stick up by the tone they use alone and dismissing everyone who said they wouldn't be offended as childish , immature etc
Typical mumsnet some very judgemental people
Many of us said in out workplaces this would be ok and people jumped on that as wel

Foolsrule · 15/12/2021 09:58

Disciplinary offence where I work. Those being subject to hearing this shouldn’t be.

MenopauseSucks · 15/12/2021 09:59

Her over sharing is gross as are the comments.
If you can get some noise cancelling headphones, I would!

worriedatthemoment · 15/12/2021 10:00

@penguinwithasuitcase i simply stated that not all people will be offended and not all workplaces would have employees who would take this to a disciplinary ,
The stuck up comments were to those who were like i would never joke like this even with friends. Anyone who does is inmature , childish etc etc

Bookworm20 · 15/12/2021 11:37

I think it really depends how close every one is in the office. and how familiar. If its a more of good friends, worked together ages, type atmosphere its not near as bad as an office where people barely know each other.
The odd innuendo is fine, if not a bit eye-rolly. Constant innuendos would do my head in though.

Miraloma · 15/12/2021 15:19

No wonder Boris wants you all back at home... sucking sweeties and smutty talk

WhatdoImean · 15/12/2021 15:30

Does it make any difference if the office is all women? Or worse if it is mixed and it is the men making such statements?

On one hand, with just women, it can (not saying it should!!) be classed as "banter"; if it is a mixed office, with ment joining in, it then can become sexual harassment.

If true.... can be a double standard.....

WhatdoImean · 15/12/2021 15:30

men*

Frazzledmummy123 · 15/12/2021 16:40

Cringey and childish, and also very irritating, however I am not sure if it would annoy me too badly unless it was constant.
I used to work with a guy who used to make constant references to his sex life, give inappropriate info about his boyfriend and make constant reference to blow jobs. He would turn everything into a sexual connotation and people including myself started to get sick of it.

Eventually someone reported him and the management had a word. He went very quiet and went sulky on everyone. I almost felt sorry for him, but there is a time and place for everything and a few jokes is fine, but going into detail about your sex life and turning every conversation into sex talk is just crass and inappropriate.

Grandadwasthatyou · 15/12/2021 18:08

I know of at least 2 men in my workplace who have been dismissed for the very same. They thought it was " banter" but complaints were made. Some people thought it funny and joined in. Others not so. Hence the sackings.

TheShoeFits · 15/12/2021 18:15

Working in tech industry, if someone made such comments, and it was reported to HR, it would be considered a very serious offense. At least a formal warning, probably more than that.

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 15/12/2021 18:54

YANBU. I don’t want to hear see smell or hear about other people’s sex lives.

Does she think she’s the only person in the world having a shag everyday.
Not that there’s anything wrong with not getting any, but I often think the more people talk about it the less likely they are to be getting it.

gogohm · 15/12/2021 20:23

Sounds pretty tame to me, I certainly got comments back when I first got together with dp (and worse when I was going old). I work for a very "proper" organisation too, they certainly aren't prudes though

Mommabear20 · 15/12/2021 20:35

Are people seriously bothered by people having a laugh?
If you don't like it, don't join in!

IsThePopeCatholic · 15/12/2021 20:47

Boring, inappropriate, and not funny. That kind of banter can so easily degenerate into harassment. Straight out of the jimmy saville school of ‘comedy’.

CoffeeMuggins · 15/12/2021 21:33

@Mommabear20

Are people seriously bothered by people having a laugh? If you don't like it, don't join in!
But sexual innuendos and jokes have no place in a professional setting. Is someone really bothered about Bill having the page 3 girl taped to his cubicle? Yes, actually.
FrancescaContini · 16/12/2021 05:25

@Mommabear20

Are people seriously bothered by people having a laugh? If you don't like it, don't join in!
I think you’re failing to understand what many posters here are (clearly) saying: it’s not a question of simply ignoring it or not participating in it; they don’t want to have to LISTEN to it. It makes them deeply UNCOMFORTABLE. They want to WORK, not be subjected to details of their colleagues’ sex lives.

Your sex life is private - don’t bring it into your workplace, FFS. Stop trying to erode other women’s boundaries.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 16/12/2021 05:40

You'd hate my workplace OP! I'm in a factory where 90% of the staff are men. I hear sex talk daily. The women are just as bad. I'm used to it!

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 16/12/2021 09:08

It's inappropriate and unprofessional, can be misconstrued, and can turn into harassment.

Blossom64265 · 16/12/2021 15:40

There is a difference between being bothered by it, which I am not, and recognizing that the employer would consider it a disciplinary offense.

Swipe left for the next trending thread