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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sex talk at work

131 replies

user9087890 · 14/12/2021 19:41

Colleague has a new boyfriend and she is enjoying over sharing at the moment. Other colleagues have been joining in today.
Some examples of comments, she was eating a quality street and asked if someone else could answer the phone as she was sucking on a sweet to which a colleague replies bet thats not the only thing you have been sucking on recently.
Later in the day she is kneeling down sorting some stuff, when she gets up moans her knees are hurting to which colleagues reply I bet they are after this weekend.
AIBU to think this is a bit OTT?

OP posts:
Blossom64265 · 15/12/2021 01:51

I’ve been in the workforce for more than 25 years and none of those comments were acceptable 25 years ago, at least not at the types of places I was working.

Reading this discussion, I’m starting to wonder if some of you have never had to sit through annual sexual harassment training?

LobsterNapkin · 15/12/2021 02:00

Generally speaking I think this is inappropriate.

For the same reason having a calendar with pin up girls on it is inappropriate. Personally, I don't give two hoots about seeing such a think, but many people do, and even if it was only a minority, that's enough. A workplace typically has people with a lot of different backgrounds and values.

And the people who are made to feel uncomfortable - usually they don't say anything so you can't assume you'd know.

Now - not all workplaces are created equal, I think if you are working at a lumber camp in the bush, or are in the military off living in tents, etc, you may find that there is more of this kind of things especially if it's mostly young people. But it's still easy for it to make people really uncomfortable.

thepeopleversuswork · 15/12/2021 07:00

@blueshoes

Just to fact that she is overhearing these conversations is unappropriate, particularly if these conversations are in the workplace. I would be careful even if they were in a pub because a social environment can in certain circumstances be seen as an extension of he workplace.

I take it from your characterisation of OP as a 'pearl clutcher' that you are a 'banterer'.

I work in compliance/legal and would definitely address this situation and the people involved. No company would want to take the risk of others being offended or creating a sexualised atmosphere int he workplace.

@blueshoes

I'm not a "banterer" at all: I hate the way "bantz" is used to cover unpleasant and threatening behaviour towards women.

I just don't think this is the same thing at all. As someone else pointed out its all about the audience and context.

FrancescaContini · 15/12/2021 07:50

@Flowers500

Unless you work at Catholic Grannies R Us, that's within the bounds of normal between colleagues at an office. Yeah a bit boisterous maybe but we spend a lot of our lives working, no need to martyr ourselves!
Good God Confused How old are you?

So many issues in your message I wouldn’t know where to start…

CounsellorTroi · 15/12/2021 07:57

Gross and unprofessional.

Franca123 · 15/12/2021 08:00

I do think people should be careful in offices as what you think is light humour might upset a colleague. And it's their workplace, where their choice to be there or not is a little limited. I remember a guy I worked with looking at a page 3 girl and I just hated it. It made me very grossed out and uncomfortable. But I didn't want to quit. I have a potty mouth, love the c word. But I basically never swear at work as I'm conscious that quite a few people don't like swearing. I think we all need to soften our personalities a bit at work. Smooth off the rough edges for the sake of harmony. And in context, this could amount to a real HR / legal problem.

worriedatthemoment · 15/12/2021 08:05

Some real stuck up people on here , people are allowed to laugh and joke with each other , if they know its not offensive to the person the jokes etc about
Lighten up people lifes too short way too much people get offended by now

worriedatthemoment · 15/12/2021 08:06

@Blossom64265 bet your well liked in the office , there obviously colleagues who know each other and their personalities

FrancescaContini · 15/12/2021 08:10

@worriedatthemoment

Some real stuck up people on here , people are allowed to laugh and joke with each other , if they know its not offensive to the person the jokes etc about Lighten up people lifes too short way too much people get offended by now
Stuck up?! Because I couldn’t tolerate knowing the details of my colleagues’ sex lives??

It’s about being professional, and having respectful boundaries. And keeping personal information private. Etc etc.

Some of you must work in the equivalent of a sixth form common room, maturity-wise. It must be absolutely intolerable, all that “bantz”.

Glassofshloer · 15/12/2021 08:30

Some of you must work in the equivalent of a sixth form common room, maturity-wise

Sounds great!

worriedatthemoment · 15/12/2021 08:45

@FrancescaContini but it wasn't really details wAs it just a few comments from colleagues who know each other and obviously don't mind
Some people need to lighten up ,

worriedatthemoment · 15/12/2021 08:47

@FrancescaContini middle age women using bantz has me more concerned , very inbetweeners
Sorry but in general i find people are often looking to be offended other something
You talk about a steak you had for tea , you offend a vegetarian
Your kids - offends those who don't like them etc etc

hotmeatymilk · 15/12/2021 08:49

Grim and amounts to harassment

worriedatthemoment · 15/12/2021 08:51

@Blossom64265 not the same as sexual harassment though is it if the colleague is joining in ?
People can laugh and joke about things as well in life
Harassment is different
If the comments being made were offending who they were about then yes and technically they were innuendos

worriedatthemoment · 15/12/2021 08:51

@hotmeatymilk how if the person it was about was joining in

penguinwithasuitcase · 15/12/2021 09:01

Even outside of work, if one of my close friends made those kinds of juvenile jokes they'd get a weird look from the rest of us.

"Uuuuh, blow jobs, hahahaha"

Grow up. You can tease your friends about being newly loved-up without resorting to the comedy of a 14 year old boy.

There's no mention of the sex of these colleagues – were they women or men? Were there men in the room?

Because implying to men - by doing it themselves - that it's ok to make comments like this is equally shit behaviour by the women in question.

And the 'it's just a joke - you can't say anything these days!' brigade could do with taking a quick look around your average schoolyard.It's a bully's defence.

CaMePlaitPas · 15/12/2021 09:02

Do you work in the 1970s OP?

hotmeatymilk · 15/12/2021 09:28

@worriedatthemoment Harassment for the person or people having to overhear it. Glad I work with grown-ups tbh.

user478932071 · 15/12/2021 09:31

[quote worriedatthemoment]@Blossom64265 not the same as sexual harassment though is it if the colleague is joining in ?
People can laugh and joke about things as well in life
Harassment is different
If the comments being made were offending who they were about then yes and technically they were innuendos [/quote]
It’s classed as sexual harassment if other colleagues are able to hear the conversation and are uncomfortable with it.

user478932071 · 15/12/2021 09:31

This is a standard policy in many workplaces.

worriedatthemoment · 15/12/2021 09:31

@hotmeatymilk really ? Then the op should report rather than ask on here or tell colleagues she finds it offensive , maybe that would work as maybe there unaware as lots of people wouldn't be offended

hotmeatymilk · 15/12/2021 09:33

@worriedatthemoment We could say this about most MN threads, really: the OP should do something in real life rather than come on here. But most of us come on here to seek views/reassurance/see if we’re overreacting, etc

ChristmasRobins · 15/12/2021 09:33

@Wheresmywoolyjumpers

Gross and would be a disciplinary offence where I work.
Same.
worriedatthemoment · 15/12/2021 09:34

@user478932071 but they were comments that were innuendos, why can't people just say if they are offended as opposed to go to HR first stop , maybe others don't realise
In some work places i have been this would of been laughed at and no one offended in others not , maybe in this case the others have misjudged the op take on it

worriedatthemoment · 15/12/2021 09:36

@hotmeatymilk but already she has got lots of opinions all different
Surely its about how you feel , for me it wouldn't bother me in the least , clearly for others it would
Many of us know our work colleagues very well so know what they will or will not find acceptable