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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sex talk at work

131 replies

user9087890 · 14/12/2021 19:41

Colleague has a new boyfriend and she is enjoying over sharing at the moment. Other colleagues have been joining in today.
Some examples of comments, she was eating a quality street and asked if someone else could answer the phone as she was sucking on a sweet to which a colleague replies bet thats not the only thing you have been sucking on recently.
Later in the day she is kneeling down sorting some stuff, when she gets up moans her knees are hurting to which colleagues reply I bet they are after this weekend.
AIBU to think this is a bit OTT?

OP posts:
Doingtheboxerbeat · 14/12/2021 20:48

Do you work with Chubby Brown?

godmum56 · 14/12/2021 20:57

I'd be doing mental eyerolls and thinking "oh grow up'

housemaus · 14/12/2021 21:05

@thepeopleversuswork

I really couldn’t get overly upset about this. They’re just letting off steam.

I dislike the fetishisation of “professionalism” in many walks of life these days. People are absurdly straight laced.

It’s massively important to be professional and respectful to clients and colleagues and to project a good reputation for your organisation.

It’s not necessary to expect people to be ludicrously po-faced and uptight in private conversations in the workplace as long as they don’t upset others or drain too much time.

Agreed. As though being at the workplace must equal a complete lack of personality.

These were pretty mild, joking remarks, made between colleagues who seemed comfortable to joke that way to each other, presumably not in earshot of clients. If you don't like them OP, or don't like that kind of discussion in the workplace, that's your prerogative but it doesn't seem they were doing anything wrong to me.

Blossom64265 · 14/12/2021 21:09

I have never once heard a co-worker make a comment like that. If they did, I would HR to intervene swiftly and harshly.

GTAlogic · 14/12/2021 21:09

It wouldn't bother me at all; in fact, I'd probably join in!

RoastedParnsip · 14/12/2021 21:12

YANBU, I hate stuff like that.

RobotValkyrie · 14/12/2021 21:23

It's the kind of shit that can get someone sacked for sexual harassment. Not clever of them.

snowmansballs · 14/12/2021 21:26

Me and my colleagues had some really in depth conversations in the office, I learnt a lot Grin
But we are friends as well as colleagues. I suppose it depends on the dynamic of your office and the nature of your relationship with these people. I would probably find it a bit weird if I wasn't close to them.

Justsotirednow · 14/12/2021 21:26

Strongly disagree that not wanting to hear sex talk makes anyone uptight or straight laced or whatever.

That attitude just proofs even more of your immaturity.

CurbsideProphet · 14/12/2021 21:27

I once worked in a team like that and hated it. We were in a big open plan office and there were some complaints from other teams.

I remember on a team night out a discussion of favourite sex positions. I really didn't want to know that much about colleagues.

carlyswirly · 14/12/2021 21:29

My job involves dealing with the aftermath of these kinds of comments. It's never the case that everyone is ok with it, nor should they have to pretend to be. You never know people's circumstances or triggers so it's just safest to steer well clear of anything like this in the workplace.

My team and I laugh a lot at work but I can't ever recall anyone ever talking about their sex lives. It would just be really odd if they did.

Outside work, and with close friends, I am very happy to talk filth.

jellyxat · 14/12/2021 21:38

Hang on, but the colleague with the boyfriend hasn't said anything inappropriate in either example?

blueshoes · 14/12/2021 21:47

This is inappropriate. Akin to 'bantz', which is used to excuse language which is sexually harassing. The people in the immediate circle might be able to see the humour but if overheard would create a hostile atmosphere for others who do not get the joke.

If I was HR or senior management, I would clamp down on this and send those people for some sexual harassment training.

thepeopleversuswork · 14/12/2021 21:52

@blueshoes

But this isn’t “bantz” of that kind. There’s no suggestion of sexual harassment or anyone being made uncomfortable. The OP is just being a pearl clutched about other people talking (consensually) about sex. It’s totally different.

blueshoes · 14/12/2021 22:16

Just to fact that she is overhearing these conversations is unappropriate, particularly if these conversations are in the workplace. I would be careful even if they were in a pub because a social environment can in certain circumstances be seen as an extension of he workplace.

I take it from your characterisation of OP as a 'pearl clutcher' that you are a 'banterer'.

I work in compliance/legal and would definitely address this situation and the people involved. No company would want to take the risk of others being offended or creating a sexualised atmosphere int he workplace.

Yeswhatno · 14/12/2021 22:18

Gross!

YANBU.

Side note: Really hate that some people need to resort to name calling the second someone doesn’t like this kind of ”banter”.

AdaFuckingShelby · 14/12/2021 22:20

Not acceptable IMO. I hate to hear people going on about sex at work. Shut the fuck up and get on with your job you immature knobheads.

Got that off my chest.

Suspiciousmind20 · 14/12/2021 22:22

I second the ‘we’ above.

Suspiciousmind20 · 14/12/2021 22:23

The ‘ew’ that should read!

CraftyGin · 14/12/2021 22:24

@user9087890

Colleague has a new boyfriend and she is enjoying over sharing at the moment. Other colleagues have been joining in today. Some examples of comments, she was eating a quality street and asked if someone else could answer the phone as she was sucking on a sweet to which a colleague replies bet thats not the only thing you have been sucking on recently. Later in the day she is kneeling down sorting some stuff, when she gets up moans her knees are hurting to which colleagues reply I bet they are after this weekend. AIBU to think this is a bit OTT?
Definitely unreasonable.

We would not have been allowed this conversation in the office 35 years ago.

NovemberNovemberDarkNights · 14/12/2021 22:30

@Blossom64265

I have never once heard a co-worker make a comment like that. If they did, I would HR to intervene swiftly and harshly.
What??

Oh Ffs

TokyoTen · 14/12/2021 22:31

Immature but standard for our office.

Fatgalslim · 14/12/2021 22:36

@Blossom64265

I have never once heard a co-worker make a comment like that. If they did, I would HR to intervene swiftly and harshly.
Oh unclench
NightOwlWoes · 14/12/2021 22:42

@thepeopleversuswork

I really couldn’t get overly upset about this. They’re just letting off steam.

I dislike the fetishisation of “professionalism” in many walks of life these days. People are absurdly straight laced.

It’s massively important to be professional and respectful to clients and colleagues and to project a good reputation for your organisation.

It’s not necessary to expect people to be ludicrously po-faced and uptight in private conversations in the workplace as long as they don’t upset others or drain too much time.

Sex talk has no place in the work place. None. It's the sort of stuff that gets people fired, and rightly so. If you must make juvenile and gross jokes, do so on your own time. HTH
FrancescaContini · 14/12/2021 22:44

@GoodVibesHere

Totally and utterly inappropriate in the workplace.

Maybe the sort of thing someone might say on a night out with a bunch of friends, but even then it would be 🤮

Agreed