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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sex talk at work

131 replies

user9087890 · 14/12/2021 19:41

Colleague has a new boyfriend and she is enjoying over sharing at the moment. Other colleagues have been joining in today.
Some examples of comments, she was eating a quality street and asked if someone else could answer the phone as she was sucking on a sweet to which a colleague replies bet thats not the only thing you have been sucking on recently.
Later in the day she is kneeling down sorting some stuff, when she gets up moans her knees are hurting to which colleagues reply I bet they are after this weekend.
AIBU to think this is a bit OTT?

OP posts:
carlyswirly · 14/12/2021 22:56

A single comment can constitute harassment (as determined by the complainant, whether directed at them or otherwise) and render both the offender and business vicariously liable. That's why you can't do it and businesses with decent compliance and HR take it seriously. It's potentially very expensive and reputation damaging.

Lawyer friend is currently working on 10 day timetabled tribunal which arose from what someone thought was innocuous banter between colleagues. It turned out it wasn't. Out of context the comments sound even worse.

Worth having a read of the acas view on it all if you want to know more.

Damnloginpopup · 14/12/2021 22:57

I'd tell mother superior and let her deal with it.

Tastyyellowbeef · 14/12/2021 23:02

I work with a few people like this, I find it cringe but I just don’t join in. They’re not really hurting anyone so it usually ends up like

Me: here we go Sharon lowering the tone again

Someone else: The pride has spoken

And it’s quite bantery/pleasant

Or are you not that friendly with them and that’s adding to the annoyance

I do however draw the line at really gory details about people’s raunchy weekend.. which is just unnecessary 🤢

Tastyyellowbeef · 14/12/2021 23:03

*the PRUDE has spoken

Sure you got my drift

feelsobadfeltsogood · 14/12/2021 23:22

We all get on very well in my office and we'd have a bit of a laugh and a chat about stuff but it would never get to cringe status
We're all usually dead interested if someone is dating or messaging someone to be honest we want our colleagues to be happy

WeasilyPleased · 14/12/2021 23:28

This is very mild compared to the "banter" in the office I used to work in. An all female staff where the manager was into hardcore s&m and was very into oversharing.
I'm no prude at all but it was yucky stuff and really hard to concentrate on work.

blueshoes · 14/12/2021 23:33

We're all usually dead interested if someone is dating or messaging someone to be honest we want our colleagues to be happy

Until someone is not happy to listen to this juvenile and offensive 'chat'. So if a colleague was not happy would you clam up for him/her? Or will you just exclude them from your chat.

Can you see why not everybody thinks the same way as you and how you are creating a toxic workplace and posing a serious risk to the company of someone bringing a sexual harassment claim.

AffIt · 14/12/2021 23:37

Where do you work?

In my workplace/industry, that sort of shit would be seen as absolutely verboten, and would get you a formal warning, at the very least.

Franca123 · 14/12/2021 23:49

YANBU but it is quite funny

LolaSmiles · 14/12/2021 23:56

It strikes me that this is a 'know your audience' situation.
It's not a conversation I'd want to be part of with colleagues, but wouldn't be upset if someone else happened to have that conversation in a room where I am (for example the staff room at lunch).

If colleagues are expecting others to join in, or it gets to the point where it's off-putting when working then it should stop because it's not appropriate conversation and it's stopping others working effectively.

Some people seem to delight in seeing how open and/line pushing they can be because it gives them an opportunity to claim they're so surprised when people don't want their morning low down on the state of a colleague's latest shag's pubic hair.

Shakirawannabe · 14/12/2021 23:56

Standard office banter, lighten up a little. Join in or ignore it

bubblesbubbles11 · 14/12/2021 23:57

Gross and totally inappropriate by all people involved.

RobertSmithsLipstick · 15/12/2021 00:00

The thing is, it's all the same jokes mixed and matched.
"Oooh, I bet you did!"
"Bet you said that at the weekend with your new bloke!"
"Ooh! I'm sure you've done that before!"
Nudge, nudge.
It's not even funny.

NightOwlWoes · 15/12/2021 00:13

@Shakirawannabe

Standard office banter, lighten up a little. Join in or ignore it
What kind of office do you work in? Not once heard anything like it in mine, neither has my husband who has been in his job for over 2 decades.
BigTwinkie · 15/12/2021 00:17

Sounds a bit Carry On humour but I'd just ignore it , bit ewww though

Flowers500 · 15/12/2021 00:23

Unless you work at Catholic Grannies R Us, that's within the bounds of normal between colleagues at an office. Yeah a bit boisterous maybe but we spend a lot of our lives working, no need to martyr ourselves!

ChampagneLassie · 15/12/2021 00:25

20 years ago in first office job I remember stuff like this. Im glad this is now generally outdated. Suprised by how many people here think light hearted fun, irrespective of whether you are personally amused others may feel very uncomfortable and this sort of "bantz" rightly has no place in a modern workplace. It's a HR/legal nightmare waiting to happen.

LovelyJubblyBubbly · 15/12/2021 00:26

Yuck yuck cringe cringe yuck yuck in the workplace Ick Ick Ick 🤮

RobertSmithsLipstick · 15/12/2021 00:39

It's not boisterous or risque though.
It's bleeding boring; that's what would get on my nerves, not because I'm a prude, just because it's quite unremarkable that someone has had sex in all different positions.

NightOwlWoes · 15/12/2021 00:41

@Flowers500

Unless you work at Catholic Grannies R Us, that's within the bounds of normal between colleagues at an office. Yeah a bit boisterous maybe but we spend a lot of our lives working, no need to martyr ourselves!
Nah, some of us are just, you know, professional.
user478932071 · 15/12/2021 00:41

If this is making you uncomfortable it can be classed as sexual harassment, did you not get a training at work? @user9087890

KingofQueens · 15/12/2021 00:43

It's grim and would be a serious matter at our work. Not everyone is okay with this type of talk and in an office environment they are being subjected to it without their consent. This was very much the way things were where I worked 25-20 years ago, but now it is just not acceptable.
If there is a group of friends in the office they need to save sexual talk and innuendo for outside of work.

steff13 · 15/12/2021 00:43

Eww

steff13 · 15/12/2021 00:44

It's inappropriate and where I work if someone complained to HR, the perpetrators would likely have to take a sexual harassment seminar.

RobertSmithsLipstick · 15/12/2021 00:47

It's the equivalent of being subjected to an album by the Nolans all day, day in, day out.

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