Anyone else financially support their in-laws?

[Olinguita]

And if so, how do you manage?
Any positive stories??

its the lieing that would get me not the actual fact of helping them out

why should you work more though why cant he

Sounds like your DH has duped you as he knew telling you the truth would probably end the relationship, I would definitely be questioning the relationship if he has done this to you, this is money that you could be spending on you and your family's future, instead he has roped you into his family troubles

Yes, DH is Indian. He supported them before we met and will continue to support them. I'm more than happy with the situation and he's had always been honest. We can afford what we send and it's certainly given us some piece of mind over the last two years when we have been unable to visit.

@Olinguita

No siblings, MIL from a country with no pension, has no assets, DH was not entirely honest about the situation at the time of marriage. I will do everything I can to help because she can't meet her basic needs alone. But we will have to do some serious belt-tightening and it places a lot of pressure on where we can afford to live, means I have to work more and in a type of job I wouldn't necessarily have chosen in order to be able to provide rather than say, being part time to spend time with kid...

Not quite as drastic, but one of my SIL's had a similar experience with her DH, who announced after they were married that they'd have to help out his parents financially - they were still working, but needed some extra help. She was pretty annoyed as you can imagine!

I don't know exactly how they worked it out, but I think they've kept their finances separate (except for joint purchases and bills). I know he's bought his parents a car and paid for various items.

If your DH wants to support his mother, he should definitely do so out of his own salary - of course it will still impact you. Does he have any siblings? That was an issue with my BIL, he's one of three, but the only one who really helped their parents....

this is difficult for me to understand, my mum worked until she was 73 and would HATE handouts from us! but in our culture wealth is more usually passed down the generations, helping younger / working couples get a better start; I can see that in others this is reversed.

It depends if you can afford it. FIL expects DH to pay for lots of things but FIL spends his money carefree and on things which are luxury items so that’s where our resentment kicks in. If he genuinely tried to save and couldn’t cover the basic necessities we would be more willing to help.

Where do you live? Where does she live? How old is she, does she work, has she ever worked, have you met her? Questions, questions ...

My husband bought his mother a house, one sister and her family lives rent-free in another property we own, and another sister has her rent paid. People think we are insane, but it’s a complicated tale, husband is a very high earner, and I think it’s nice to help out family.

My parents are from a country where there is no pension or healthcare. My grandmother would be dead if my parents didn't pay for her heart medication, food,etc. I am not exaggerating. When my parents are older and cannot make an income anymore, I will be supporting them 100% with everything they need, at my own sacrifice. They are wonderful parents who gave me everything. This is the arrangement and my English partner understands it. If my partner ever tried to stop me supporting my parents, I would leave said DP. No doubt about it.

However my parents are my responsibility. You need to decide whether you are happy with this or not and leave if not. You cannot continue to let resentment build up or pay for your in laws at your own detriment, this is no way to live. It sounds like he was not honest with you or he didn't realize how much money they would need. Life is too short to live with an arrangement that does not work for you.

@GarlandsinGreece I think it's different if you're a very high earner and being so generous doesn't really impact your spouse and children's standard of living. That's not the case in the OP's situation, though, they'll have to really tighten their belts.

@WhatToDo1988WhatToDo1988 Exactly, you've clearly been honest with your DP and he's accepted your decision. It's quite different to have it sprung on you.

I'd be outta there tbh.

My inlaws are crap with money, no way would we help them out financially on a regular basis. We're comfortable but not in a position to fund others who should have planned their own finances.

I agree with PP about the dishonesty. When I met my DH I was not in a good place financially. When things got serious we had a talk and I disclosed everything. He was very understanding and helpful in getting it all sorted. I can't imagine having deceived him about something that consequential.

I live in a country with no state pension or healthcare, hence I am working hard to save and invest so I have enough to retire on and not be a burden to my kids.
I am really shocked here at how many people support their parents, it even has a jokey name referring to the extra tax you pay to support your parents and your younger siblings and extended family. It’s basically seen as a way to pay back the money they paid to raise and educate you.

Blimey I’m quite stunned by this!

When we were young we were very poor and my Mil used to buy a summer wardrobe for my kids and buy them each a winter coat and boots. She was a life saver.

She never had much money so this was very generous of her.

When she retired from her tea lady job she had very little. By then I was working so I bought things that helped her to make life easier. I Replaced her television, put in central heating, a new kitchen and generally replaced things as they wore out. Because she had always had to live frugally, she never spent money on herself apart from food.

She always gave my kids money whenever she saw them, would always baby sit if asked. She could be an odd old bird but was always grateful

We just transferred £500 to DH's sister who is doing an overseas unpaid internship. She said she would pay us back but not yet (to be fair she did pay us back last month when we wired her £500 to another sister's account; this SIL has an issue where she hasn't figured out how to change GBP to other currencies for her living expenses; she ran out of money and I suggested this method as a stopgap, now she seems to be relying on it).

For this SIL, we have paid for her council tax, her laptop and also a new phone. .

I think she would pay us back. Eventually. DH suspects that MIL is providing the money therefore the lag but I am not so sure. Either way, she was on benefits in the UK so I am not keen to push her either but at the same time, am not sure I really want to be supporting her while she is in the most expensive city in the world. For now we are a credit line but this is only the second month of the internship what if we become the source of finance?

@CurtainTroubles in my home country, Singapore, it is normal for parents to get about 10%-15% of their adult children pay. In return their kids pay no rent. However, the allowance continues even when children have left home and bought their own homes. The elderly parents often provide free childcare.

In my country, there isn't a fixed pension, there is a forced savings scheme where everyone has to save 20% of income plus employer contributes 16%. This is for retirement, property and healthcare. Really good if you are a young Singaporean in your 40s in a professional job. Unfortunately for my grandparents' generation, they were working adults in the 1960s and 1970s when Singapore was a third world country, and many did ad hoc manual labour jobs or were hawkers. Hence they couldn't save. Under the British colonial government, unemployment was 40%. So while Singapore has become rich, they are unfortunately not the beneficiaries, but their children have far better lives. Hence their kids are supporting that generation. It is different for my generation (I am in my 20s); I don't give my parents anything as they are far richer than me.

@CurtainTroubles my cousin bought a million pound condo for her parents to live in. One of my aunts had cancer twice and can't work anymore, so she lives with her son and rents out her apartment. Another of my aunts relies on her children giving her money. It is the norm in Asia to depend on your kids. Not an ideal but very normal.

I expect it would be normal in this country especially for those who rent as they wouldn't be able to afford rent in their old age. I am expecting to support my DH's mum (who does own a house in London but has only state pension) as well as his sister who doesn't work. Thankfully my parents back home are rich so I don't need to worry!

I'm financially supporting my Dad. And it's through gritted teeth..... he's not remotely grateful, thinks he is entitled to it as DH and I run a successful business. I'm guarantor on his flat; have had to buy him a washing machine and a mattress this year and his TV is on the way out so that'll be next. His microwave has also broken but I'm resisting.

I have to break the cycle before it breaks me, in honesty. But I feel too guilty even though it's his life choices that have left him in this situation.

@CurtainTroubles she doesn't have anything but state pension. She can't afford to move to Israel where property is even more expensive..I don't think she would move to Manchester if she has kids there. I would rather support her if it meant she could stay in London and hopefully provide some childcare even if occasional. My parents are overseas, I hope my future child would have at least 1 grandparent around!