Page 4 | To not make DD rewrite her cards for her teachers?

ChristmasCardDyslexia · 2021-12-13T17:42:40+00:00

DD is 7, year 3. She is quite badly dyslexic and struggles with reading and writing. She’s tried really hard to write her Christmas Cards this year (last year I wrote them and she signed then she wanted to do them all this year). The last two she did are for the Deputy Head/Senco and her class teacher. Her writing is wobbly, bigger and smaller in some parts but she worked so hard on them and is really excited to give them out tomorrow. ExH thinks I should make her re-write the teachers cards “neater” because it shows I don’t care or watch her writing (I did, I helped her spell names and words). I think they won’t care and will see how much effort she’s put in. When she finished she looked exhausted but was so proud of herself – we’ve been writing them in batches of 3-4 cards for over a week. So AIBU? Or do I need to make her rewrite them?

Holothane · 14/12/2021 00:04

Let her enjoy giving them he’s an idiot.

Luredbyapomegranate · 14/12/2021 00:05

Of course not. They are her teachers they will know where she is.

tallduckandhandsome · 14/12/2021 00:09

I’d ignore him and not ask for his input again. Does he take any responsibility or is it all left to you?

Original poster

ChristmasCardDyslexia · 14/12/2021 09:13

DD gave her card to the DHT as we walked in, DHT gushed at it told DD she'd done really well with it and it was going to go into her office and sit on top of her filing cabinet (she shares an office with the head) for the whole school to see when they go in.

DD was thrilled.

Dropped her at the classroom and as I was about to walk passed the HT she called me over and invited me to the Christmas Assembly tomorrow (all outside) as DDs been given a Headteachers Award for her efforts this term.

I can't believe it, she's never in 3.5 years had a Headteachers Award, she's going to be so happy. And I might cry a lot a little too

OP posts:

motherrunner · 14/12/2021 09:19

@ChristmasCardDyslexia

DD gave her card to the DHT as we walked in, DHT gushed at it told DD she'd done really well with it and it was going to go into her office and sit on top of her filing cabinet (she shares an office with the head) for the whole school to see when they go in.

DD was thrilled.

Dropped her at the classroom and as I was about to walk passed the HT she called me over and invited me to the Christmas Assembly tomorrow (all outside) as DDs been given a Headteachers Award for her efforts this term.

I can't believe it, she's never in 3.5 years had a Headteachers Award, she's going to be so happy. And I might cry a lot a little too

This has absolutely made my day! Well done to your DD!

I’m a teacher and I would be thrilled if I knew a child had done to that effort despite it being difficult.

M own son has ASD. He hates writing. This year he wrote a card to his TA and at the bottom he wrote ‘I love you’. She told me it made her cry.

motherrunner · 14/12/2021 09:22

Also my DD is her bright (mastery, taken 11+). Her cursive is ugly. She writes much neater in print.

I’ve told her I much prefer to read print (sec English teacher). I struggle to read cursive and I’ve taught for over 20 years!

minimadgirl · 14/12/2021 09:24

Please don't get her to redo them.
My husband is dyslexic and can't write, to the level he can't spell my name. The best thing he could ever give me is a card written by him , as I know the effort he has put into it, and your daughter's teachers will as well.

pastypirate · 14/12/2021 09:25

I think the moral of this story is stop asking exh opinion. Or got any input!

Your dd and the school staff sound great though.

MyCatEatsPrawnCrackers · 14/12/2021 09:27

@Theunamedcat

My son can't really write so I bought him a stamper with his name on it and he stamped his cards with massive enthusiasm

You do what's right for you

That's genius!

ErrolTheDragon · 14/12/2021 09:43

@ChristmasCardDyslexia

DD gave her card to the DHT as we walked in, DHT gushed at it told DD she'd done really well with it and it was going to go into her office and sit on top of her filing cabinet (she shares an office with the head) for the whole school to see when they go in.

DD was thrilled.

Dropped her at the classroom and as I was about to walk passed the HT she called me over and invited me to the Christmas Assembly tomorrow (all outside) as DDs been given a Headteachers Award for her efforts this term.

I can't believe it, she's never in 3.5 years had a Headteachers Award, she's going to be so happy. And I might cry a lot a little too

That's lovely. And not too surprising!

And hopefully will remind you in future not to question your own judgment if your ex comes out with more undermining, counterproductive advice in future.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 14/12/2021 09:48

Oh my goodness no, definitely don’t make her re-do them! Her teacher(s) will know just how hard she worked on those, and will appreciate the effort and give her the credit she deserves.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 14/12/2021 09:49

Ahhh just read your last comment! How wonderful.

MeltedButter · 14/12/2021 09:50

Your husband is classic ableist.

mynameiscalypso · 14/12/2021 09:53

@ChristmasCardDyslexia

DD gave her card to the DHT as we walked in, DHT gushed at it told DD she'd done really well with it and it was going to go into her office and sit on top of her filing cabinet (she shares an office with the head) for the whole school to see when they go in.

DD was thrilled.

Dropped her at the classroom and as I was about to walk passed the HT she called me over and invited me to the Christmas Assembly tomorrow (all outside) as DDs been given a Headteachers Award for her efforts this term.

I can't believe it, she's never in 3.5 years had a Headteachers Award, she's going to be so happy. And I might cry a lot a little too

Oh this made me do a little cry. Well done to your amazing DD. She sounds brilliant.

CeratopsofthePharoahs · 14/12/2021 09:54

Sounds like the teachers at your daughter's school are brilliant.
Both my children struggle keeping their handwriting neat enough to read. Over lockdown my oldest child's teacher said he was happy to have some of his work typed as it meant ds1 could actually produce the volume of work he needed and it be decipherable!

Meanwhile your ex is demonstrating one of the reasons he's an ex and may find his daughter doesn't want much to do with him as she gets older.

Newrunner29 · 14/12/2021 09:54

Pleasr dont make her rewrite i am dyslexic and as a kid my dad did a few things that just made it worse like he writing my pen friend letters because i wasnt good enough and making me read a dictionary because they thought it would help, it just made me and still effects my confidence in writing.

littleowls83 · 14/12/2021 10:30

Eldest DS is dyspraxic and dyslexic and consequently hates writing and hasn't sent Christmas cards in years. I would only ask him to rewrite something if it is completely illegible. He physically can't write 'neatly' so thats not an option.

DS also self harmed before getting his dyspraxia diagnosis after being told for years at school he was lazy etc. If you know she has made a good effort, please don't make her write it again, that is a very bad path to go down.

Orangebonbon · 14/12/2021 10:34

ChristmasCardDyslexia Agree with everyone else, your ex is an arse, but how does he know that your daughter has written out the cards and her writing is not the best.

ChampagneLassie · 14/12/2021 10:47

@ChristmasCardDyslexia

DD gave her card to the DHT as we walked in, DHT gushed at it told DD she'd done really well with it and it was going to go into her office and sit on top of her filing cabinet (she shares an office with the head) for the whole school to see when they go in.

DD was thrilled.

Dropped her at the classroom and as I was about to walk passed the HT she called me over and invited me to the Christmas Assembly tomorrow (all outside) as DDs been given a Headteachers Award for her efforts this term.

I can't believe it, she's never in 3.5 years had a Headteachers Award, she's going to be so happy. And I might cry a lot a little too

This actually made me cry too! Even before reading the teachers' responses I was thinking any half-decent teacher will know how much effort this took and appreciate it. Shame on her father. He really needs to learn more about dyslexia. I'm dyslexic and I couldn't read or write till I was 10 (but undiagnosed until University!)... I was considered a bit dim through-out school. My dad thought University was a too ambitious. I've got a degree and 2 masters - one from Cambridge. I excelled at a highly numerate profession and been very successful when I play to my strengths. I've come to think of dyslexia as more of a superpower than a handicap. Dyslexic's think differently - and the world needs diversity and creative thinking. Encourage your ex to look at this www.madebydyslexia.org/ he needs to appreciate the amazing daughter he has

Original poster

ChristmasCardDyslexia · 14/12/2021 10:54

@ChampagneLassie she really is amazing, she tries so hard at school and really doesn’t always enjoy it due to her struggles. I’m so proud of how hard she tries with it though.

OP posts:

ChargingBuck · 14/12/2021 11:06

ExH thinks I should make her re-write the teachers cards “neater”

& how much writing practice does ExH do with his own child?
What services has he engaged with, to learn how to help DD?
Has he even bought a book, to teach him how to best help?
Had a consultation with the school, paid to see a private specialist?
AMAZING! - he's done bugger all except criticise from the sidelines, has he OP?

Who the fuck is he to tell you how to parent, & to undermine his own child by making her do her cards again?

Is he usually this negative, nitpicky, & unsupportive?

The teachers will be pleased & proud of DD's efforts. They won't be looking to find something 'wrong', & by extension have a not-very-subtle dig at your parenting ...

Stop telling ExH about stuff like this.
It sounds like you are handing him ammo & asking to get fired on. You don't need his approval, you don't need his permission, & I'm a little concerned that you needed to come here & ask if it's ok to ignore his twittery ...
But very pleased you did!

I hope this is the beginning of you feeling more confident in your own decisions. You've done a supportive, sensitive & creative job with DD & her cards. Take pride in that & enjoy it for what it is - & never ask your ExH for approval again.
And I hope his negativity isn't used against DD. It would be cruel & counter-productive to make her do her cards again. What an arse he is - he has a dyslexic child & appears not to have bothered to learn a single thing about how to encourage & support her with it.

Buy yourself an early Christmas present OP,
www.amazon.co.uk/Woman-Your-Own-Right-Assertiveness/dp/0704334208?tag=mumsnetforu03-21
& well done on not playing ExH's game. He is looking to undermine you, & doesn't care that his DD's feelings & confidence get dented in the process.
What made you feel that his opinion carried any weight at all - let alone more than yours? You are clearly caring & committed to DD - all that matters is that YOU (& she) know that.

ChargingBuck · 14/12/2021 11:10

he claims there's nothing wrong with her reading or writing and she can read and write fine with him, I and the DHT have asked for video evidence but it's never forthcoming

Yup. Competitive undermining arsehole.
So pleased to read your update about the Award OP.
That wouldn't have been on the radar if this had been left up to ExH. He'd like to pretend 1) there isn't a problem 2) if there is, only I know how to solve it.

I bet your headteacher thinks he's a pompous, bullshitting ass.

Nevertime · 14/12/2021 11:11

Of course you don't re do them. Well done you and DD

I used to get DS to do a few and then do the rest with my left hand

firstimemamma · 14/12/2021 11:21

I used to be a teacher and trust me being made to re-write the cards is the kind of thing that can really stick with a child for the rest of their life. Please ignore your awful ex and be proud your child had a go. No-one will care about the handwriting quality anyway.

NotTheOriginalFeargalSharkey · 14/12/2021 11:47

No. She has tried and is pleased with her work.
My dd is a year ahead and still has awful writing. I have had a few conversations with school. Please drop the cursive. Let her write normal printed letters. At least we have a chance of reading print!