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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Turned my daughter away at nursery

122 replies

TiredoutMum93 · 13/12/2021 11:39

I can’t believe I’ve been treated like this. My two year old has just been told she can’t come in to nursery because the bill (paid by funding universal credit) is a week late. Bare in mind the evidence I uploaded was incorrect because the new manager gave me it wrong, I’ve had to resubmit everything again and it’s still incorrect. I’ve had no phone call this morning to let me know she’d be turned away. All the nursery nurses cowarded away from the door except her main one who turned her away after I showed her on my phone evidence that it’s being sorted out… the boss didn’t even come to tell me. No one let me know Friday. It’s a week late for one month and it’s not even my fault. They were fully aware and as far as I knew they had no issues. I’ve phoned them and the boss was like we can sort this out and I’ve told them I’m moving her as they’ve treated her this way. I understand bills but a week late for some bill that wasn’t even my fault because it was incorrect. Im so upset and more so because my daughter loves it there. I feel like it’s so harsh.

OP posts:
saraclara · 13/12/2021 12:49

You have absolutely over-reacted.

Of course they should have given you warning. But it's your daughter, who loves her nursery and has a best friend there, who is going to lose out because you've lost your shit at the manager (who was planning to help you out!)

You need to phone and grovel. Apologise for your 'fat' email and say you were distressed and regret what you said, but your DD is so happy there you felt terrible having to lead her away this morning, and let your emotions get the better of you.

Comefromaway · 13/12/2021 12:51

No way should the OP grovel. They should apologise to her. It is not cutting your nose off to spite your face deciding not to send your child to place who treats her and her child like that without assurances that things will be put in place to ensure it does not happen again.

Hoppinggreen · 13/12/2021 12:51

@TiredoutMum93

But then I’ve already made up my mind Sad
It sounds like a mess and they have acted badly but you need to rise above it if your daughter is happy there
spinachpie · 13/12/2021 12:51

You can't move your daughter away from her best friend and something she loves. It's not fair. Don't put your pride before your daughter's well-being and development.

Agreed they've not dealt with it well but two wrongs don't make a right.

Seedandyarn · 13/12/2021 12:56

She's two she will make a new best friend and will likely love the new setting too. The nursery she is at the moment clearly has Zero respect for you turning you away at the door for their mistakes.

Babyroobs · 13/12/2021 13:02

is it the first time you've been late paying nursery fees ? if so yes I would be annoyed.

NotQuiteUsual · 13/12/2021 13:03

That is shocking behaviour. I can't believe they didn't call you asap when they knew what was happening. They have made a commitment to look after your daughter and they can't even handle basic communication. It shows a lack of respect in my mind. One week late, with a parent on UC in December, is hardly surprising. Late payments happen all the time and the fact it was due to their error makes this even worse.

She will settle no problem in a new setting I'm sure. But I doubt you can trust this one again.

Original poster
TiredoutMum93 · 13/12/2021 13:04

Thank you for all your advice. The owner and previous manager have apologised. I agree with most who have said it is a reflection as it has been handled harshly of the care for my daughter: I am not tantrumming to those who are saying I am. My daughter is the one who will be missing out. Sending an fat email meant stating the facts not my emotions. I’d upload but it’s a big read as it has dates etc they turned her away- after showing them the evidence on my phone which I think is wrong. They should of asked us in, to resolve and go forward with this issue. They were fully aware from last week.
I’m trying to resolve now as I don’t want to move her. It is very upsetting. Her needs come first.

OP posts:
Original poster
TiredoutMum93 · 13/12/2021 13:05

Sad The owner has replied to say she’s very sorry and since she has taken a step down clearly the service has shown it has gone down too.

OP posts:
AndTime · 13/12/2021 13:05

I get help towards childcare from universal credit and I always have to pay upfront and claim the costs back. They will only reimburse me if I can prove that the nursery have been paid.

I think it is absolutely disgraceful that they turned you away at the door and didn't email or call you to let you know the situation.

Arethechildreninbedyet · 13/12/2021 13:05

Forgive me I’m a little confused. You say they turned her away at the door and that the staff cowarded away?

Does this mean you turned up to drop her off and the manager stopped you both at the door or that you dropped her off and they wouldn’t let her in and made you come back?

Either way I would take her out. I appreciate it is a business but a nursery should be client centric. They were informed of your circumstances and had no reason to believe you wouldn’t rectify the situation. You were not given ample warning and to do this IN FRONT of your daughter is abhorrent. Look somewhere else.

Comefromaway · 13/12/2021 13:06

@Babyroobs

is it the first time you've been late paying nursery fees ? if so yes I would be annoyed.
The Op has not been late paying fees. The new manager gave her the wrong information so the payment (via universal credit) did not go through in time.
Original poster
TiredoutMum93 · 13/12/2021 13:06

Also to those assuming I’m in the wrong and need to grovel when the manager had admitted fault I mean come on.. be a bit kinder

OP posts:
Original poster
TiredoutMum93 · 13/12/2021 13:08

Also for clarity the owner/ex manager emailed me first. After I rang the manager

OP posts:
Letsallscreamatthesistene · 13/12/2021 13:10

I defo wouldnt move her. Id sort the issue out and carry on if they've been previously very good.

You sound angry and caught up in the moment. Never a good time to make important decisions.

Original poster
TiredoutMum93 · 13/12/2021 13:11

Anyway thank you for all your advice. And for making me feel a bit better about her being turned away. This is my only child and I feel like I’m new to this and was asking if anyone else had experienced this before.

OP posts:
Tal45 · 13/12/2021 13:13

You're cutting off your nose to spite your face. It's very upsetting that your daughter hasn't been able to go in today but pulling her out because of it when she's really happy there and her best friend is there is very childish and a huge over reaction.

Comefromaway · 13/12/2021 13:14

Two year olds don't have best friends!

7eleven · 13/12/2021 13:15

Having originally thought you shouldn’t move your daughter, I’ve changed my mind. I’ve worked in early years and to turn a little one away from the door is so heartless. I don’t think it does indicate they out the needs of the child first. Never in a million years would I do that. If anything, I’d pay the blinking fee for that day.

ChangeChingyChange · 13/12/2021 13:16

@OneRuleForThem

I’ve phoned them and the boss was like we can sort this out

What is the problem? It’s not your fault nor the nursery’s fault. And the boss has told you they can sort it out. And now you’re tantrumming and saying you are going to take your daughter away even though you’ve said she is happy and has made a friend there because they won’t let her attend for free. Stop overreacting and listen to what they actually have to say first.

This. Don't move her.
ChangeChingyChange · 13/12/2021 13:16

@Comefromaway

Two year olds don't have best friends!
Mine did and still has the same one years later. We're as surprised as you!
7eleven · 13/12/2021 13:20

They are responsible for the way they handled the situation though. The little girl should never have made it to the door.

Thirtytimesround · 13/12/2021 13:23

I'm sorry that happened and that you were treated that way.

People make istakes. You can forgive and work together to find the best solution that works for you, or you can adopt a 'never forgive a mistake' attitude that means your daughter is stuck in a second-best nursery without her best friend.

Seems to me like your pride was hurt, which I totally understand, but whether or not your daughter stays there with her best friend shouldn't depend on whether or not the manager apologises to you.

Personally I would always, always prioritise my daughter's happiness over my own hurt pride, but if you're not able to do that and prefer to go through the stresses of settling her all over again at a new nursey, I guess that's up to you. Just bear in mind: the new nursey won't be perfect either. They will make mistakes too.

Foolsrule · 13/12/2021 13:26

I sympathize to some extent but nurseries are not charities. They run on tiny margins and many have been severely impacted by Covid. Lots have closed permanently. If you haven’t paid, your child can’t attend. If the third party who pays for your child, UC, hasn’t paid, you can’t attend. That’s not your child’s fault but it’s not the nursery’s fault either. They can’t pay their staff if parents don’t pay. Now, as the UC error appears to have come from incorrect info being given by the nursery manager, I can see why this is galling and you’re annoyed. BUT - if I was a nursery owner, I’d much rather take money from parents directly in the same way that landlords don’t like to accept benefits because of situations like this. Why should their cash flow be interrupted? Some simply can’t afford for this to happen.

Original poster
TiredoutMum93 · 13/12/2021 13:27

You are right I completely agree with your comment. Thank you

OP posts: