Prívate vs state Primary education

[ClumpyMascara]

DH wants to send twin boys to private Primary school - he was privately educated and I wasn’t, he feels very passionately about it.

While I have no quibble with them going to private secondary, where I do believe you can see the benefits, I don’t see the point in private primary? We have great state primaries near us and the education they will get won’t be that different?

It just seems like a waste of money - we aren’t super well off but his parents are going to help (and agree with him)

Most of our friends have done state primary, private secondary with their children

If grandparents are paying the lot & you want to increase work hours & money isn't an issue at all, then yes private will tick a lot of boxes for you.
If money was no issue at all for me, I might choose private. The only other downside I see is no local best friends. This I see quite a bit.
Private school Yr6 don't get to just walk home alone and hang out with mates. No one lives close.
When they get to high school, no going independently to school on public bus / bike etc. No all going somewhere straight from school etc. They tend to exist in a bubble.
I know Yr7s at private schools that never see mates outside as too far away and they all get school buses etc

@DeepaBeesKit love the vitamin C analogy! I often thin my of it as a ready meal v’s a locally sourced organic homemade meal. Very tempting to have something oven ready but very satisfying to DIY and source different tutors/ experiences/travel/sports depending on the individual child.

And if I went private I'd only choose a larger all through school with a prep that was also Coed. I'd want it to have more than one class in primary years and a decent size high school - and be local. (Then it's more like state lol)

[quote GratS]@DeepaBeesKit love the vitamin C analogy! I often thin my of it as a ready meal v’s a locally sourced organic homemade meal. Very tempting to have something oven ready but very satisfying to DIY and source different tutors/ experiences/travel/sports depending on the individual child.[/quote]
That is such a clever analogy! The private school package is M&S ready made fancy food vs excellent state school home grown and home made interesting food!

@AngelicaElizaAndPeggy

I'm sorry but just re-read your sentence again and tell me you aren't a crashing snob:

"They are more confident, have wider interests and, in my experience, are usually more accomplished due to the huge amount of experiences they are exposed to."

Perhaps you don't mean to, but you come across as hugely offensive and exactly the type of private school cliché that puts so many state parents off private education.

Since the PP is only seeing children from her area it could be that state schools there are crap, or external activities limited. Although it must be acknowledged that this is area specific. DP grew up in a semi-rural area where music, drama etc was only offered at private school, a little out of the way. Not enough children to justify any other providers in the nearby locality as the majority were farming families and had the kids at home, helping out rather than doing any other extracurriculars.

If you can do it and afford it, then yes, absolutely.

If I had the choice I would most def had chosen private. My DC ago to a state primary and my older DC agora to state High. We live in a fabulous area and the schools are classed as outstanding but no way are they on par with my friends DC private school. It seem to me the best state primary are still not as good as a basic private. Your DH wants to go down this route and his family what to help. Go for it. Give ur DC a the best start you can.

The best start can be in state education

I would strongly suggest you look around the schools that are feasible for your children to attend (private and state) before writing any off. Don't fall for slick marketing at any of them (and yes state schools engage in this too!). For the private primaries, look at their leavers' destinations.

Also when you say private secondary, are you think more independent local year 7-13 school, or more like public school year 9-13? The entrance requirements might be quite different even for a local day place.

Also you might want to consider something like state infants followed by 7+ private entry.

I would have a look at the different schools, the ethos, the attainment, the facilities, the distance from home etc. Keep and open mind and ask your husband to do the same. You might both be surprised by which school(s) stand out to you.

Three of my kids went private primary. We then moved into the catchment area of a excellent primary in an expensive suburbanised village. The local secondary school gets at least a quarter of it’s A level students into Russell group universities.

Private primary will help with wrap around care, it will provide all the extra curricular activities on tap, (although not necessarily at highest level without extra support and opportunities), music and dance lessons and vast opportunities to gain confidence. You will need to pay for that if you go state, as well as have time for. However I think few activities done well due to interest is far superior to lots done just because it’s available. My older kids main progress in a sport was due to attending national lottery funded countywide sports club.

With kids doing uni applications - I know universities want to know if you did private at ANY stage- it potentially acts against you.

I think the main thing is how much education is valued at home and what opportunities you can provide.

I will start my 4th in the local primary- hopefully DC will get a place. I know what I think would be good enough and we will see how it goes.

Private all the way.
More opportunities and breadth

State all the way, all successful, level headed and happy

This is so area/child/school dependent. My area has a number of outstanding state and private primaries. The intention was state primary follows by with state or private secondary.

We have just moved the eldest from state to private as they entered year 3. We are really pleased that we did, despite agonising over it. But my child has had gaps because of COVID and is the type of child that loves all the extra curricular/broad curriculum that they now have access to. We couldn’t fit all that in around a state education. All very well saying you can get tutors/take them to clubs but there are only so many hours in the day - they understandably only wants to do a small amount when home from school.

Having said that, we were happy with the state Infant that they attended but it has become clearer as time has gone on that the gap gets bigger between sectors once you hit junior school, then senior again. At least that is the case round here.

The advantage of the state Infant they attended, which we were happy with is that they met lots of different children from a range of backgrounds and could find out who they really got on with. She also learnt about how to handle bad behaviour in others. They also gave them a good basic academic grounding. Her current school definitely feels like a bubble which is lovely, and increasing their confidence, but it also isn’t the real world.

I too love the M&S ready meal analogy. You get it. It's good. It's quality. But if you are in it from age 4-18 maybe you don't get the eclectic variety that state offer. There are some really good points on here about quality of extra curricular if all done via school.
Is it a bit samey. Can you swop and change as DC grow and change?
Can they mix and meet other players.
Can they try lots of different ones with different teachers and kids and levels. Can they try an advanced class or different style of dance / drama / sport.
My DC have tried loads, progressed to very high level in some etc
But yes, two very active kids and two busy parents facilitating it all.
(state schools in our area all have full wrap round and there's tons of holiday clubs for every interest within a mile so that's not an issue in citys)

Purely going on my DD's State Primary the only benefit to a Private school would be smaller class sizes as far as I can tell. She is in a class of 28 with one teacher and one TA (Y5) - there were 2 TAs in Infants.

They have fantastic facilities. All proper gymnastics equipment. They get taught all sorts of different sport by specialist teachers. They have an allotment for gardening and a woodland area for outdoor learning. There is an outdoor pool that they swim in Autumn 1 and all Summer term. Large grounds with lots of play equipment. They have specialist Music and French teachers and Musical instrument tuition offered. Good wrap around care and Holiday club. The lessons are interesting and engaging and prior to Covid lots of opportunities for parents to come into the classroom/class plays to watch etc. They do lots of Art, Science and History. The school meals are reasonably healthy. The pastoral care is outstanding. There is a whole range of before and after school clubs all free of charge.

So much better than when I was at school.

Yes to private if you can. Small classes (7 for my DS) chatting to staff every day, lots of enrichment and opportunities that simply wouldn't exist in the state sector. No stress about hot-housing for SATs. Just an absolutely lovely experience. Don't hesitate for a moment.

A class on 7 would be my DC worse nightmare. It's very limiting friendship wise. Cute at age 4. Hideous by Yr3

@PurplePeculiar but how do they field a sports team or perform a nativity play etc. What if the kids fall out.
How do they run a jazz band etc ?

@explodingeyes

Sports teams are 2 year groups so 1 & 2, 3 &4 and 5 & 6

Orchestra and ensemble - we managed a choir, a brass ensemble, strings, woodwind, piano, guitar, drums and ukelele! So not bad.

The school was very small so friendships were school-wide, not class-based.

The nativity was whole school and delightful. Performances were usually lower school together and upper school together.

As DS's class could fit in the school mini-bus - whenever opportunity arose, they'd pop out for extended learning. The library, museums, beach, park etc - not a massive project - just in the minibus and drive.

It's always about what's best for the child and depends on the school. But this was the most brilliant thing I could ever have done for DS. I just wish I'd done it sooner.

We've now relocated so he could go to an independent secondary with a similar ethos. Again - a fantastic opportunity. But without his stint at the independent primary, he wouldn't be the confident, happy little boy he is.

As others have said, it is very area specific.

Where we are DC generally only go to private secondary if they don't pass the 11+.

The Prep schools start 'prepping' from Y3 whereas our state primary only did weekly prep before school in Y5. Some got in with that alone, others (including us) paid a tutor for a year.

If you're set on a private secondary in a competitive area then private primary might be a must. I have friends in London and it sounded like an absolute rat race getting into the really top schools.

For local Grammar Schools like here the preps aren't really necessary.

The state primaries are good. Possibly not as glossy as the prep schools but I don't think my DC have missed out on much.

DS learned piano at primary school and continued up to Grade 8 with the same teacher. All DC got to learn to play an instrument for free for a year. They had an orchestra and played at various local events. He did rugby at primary school and continued into secondary - and played against the private schools from further afield. There were lots of cheap after school sports clubs (some free). The primary school took them to the theatre termly and had regular music groups in. The preps probably did more, but our state primary did more than enough.

[quote explodingeyes]@PurplePeculiar but how do they field a sports team or perform a nativity play etc. What if the kids fall out.
How do they run a jazz band etc ?[/quote]
They put classes together eg kindergarten and reception, year 1&2, 3&4 ect or all lower junior, all upper junior.

dd2 tiny Indi did a whole junior nativity where each class had a theme with in the navity. Out little reception kids were stars and had their own lines. Its not that much of a hardship

What if the kids fall out It gets squished very quickly plus there is always more kids to play with at break.

This always happens to these threads.

OP asked for positive experiences from proper who have kids in private school.

Yet like moths to a flame posters can not help coming in to say how much their DC would hate private school. Every. single.Time.

Agree Angelica - Banana sounds like the worst sort of dreadful snob and a good reason to avoid private school. We are state educated as are our children and there is no discernible difference between us and our many privately educated friends! Knowing many teens as my two are teens and they all hang out together private and state - anecdotally the state schools ones have better social skills!

My child is in state, my friends child in private both hfa my child receives better care and support hands down.
It depends what you want and also how good your local primary is.

I looked into this quite a lot a few years ago when my eldest nephew was starting school and I was wondering about it for my kids when they were school age.

It's actually the other way around - primary is where it makes all the difference.

The difference in confidence between the kids who started private school / prep school very young and those who started as young teens is vast.

But obviously a lot of other factors come into play, such as the actual schools involved and how it will impact on your finances. It's not a "better at all costs" option.