SIL and Nephews Christmas Presents

[quicklybeingdrivenmad]

Every year my SIL sends me a list with ideas of what to get my two nephews, normally spend about £75 on them each, normally the list has one biggish present and few bits on it.

This years came with about 7 items on all ranging between £5-£15, thought nothing off it and my budget bought all the presents on the list, because I like to be organized (which she knows) list got sent end Oct beg Nov.

Fast forward to today, just got a new list because she made a mistake and sent me the one meant for her family (as there are 6 siblings they spend less per child with there being so many) with a note saying sorry her family have bought the gifts so could I just return mine and buy from the amended list, as when she sent it to them it last week realised she had sent me the same one.

AIBU in the fact that

1. mine were bought over a month ago so probably cannot return all of them and get a refund, so she should get her family to do the returns as they should get a refund because only bought recently.

2. Why should I start Christmas shopping again, hunting down presents which may not even arrive for Christmas.

Just to add we do have a decent relationship and my brother is my last close living family, and this year will be hard for me and him as we lost our mum 2020, part of me thinks I should just buy from the new list and return what I can, but part of me is a bit annoyed that she knows me and my brother struggle at Christmas having buried our dad 2016 and this being mums anniversary and she should have just done a new list for her family,

I agree with others, just tell her it's too late to return them

She sounds cheeky messing you about like this - you've bought yours from the list she sent and now you're expected to run around finding alternatives and trying to get refunds and all the while you usually get sent the list with expensive items and her family get the cheaper list......

I'd be sending money or vouchers next year or, depending on the age of the kids, suggest it's time to stop doing presents

@dancemom

Just say, sorry no it's too late to return mine as it's past the return date, hope your family can return theirs and leave it with her to deal with

This.

Unbelievably rude.🙄

I would just say really sorry i have already purchased and can’t return as it was ages ago so her family will need to return theirs

Why do they ask for so much?

Do they get you presents too?

@dancemom

Just say, sorry no it's too late to return mine as it's past the return date, hope your family can return theirs and leave it with her to deal with

Absolutely.

Does the list she gives you have higher priced items than the one she gives her family?

I ask because you specifically mention the list this year has gifts from 5-15 and you thought nothing of it. Which sounds like you did think something of it because they are lower value than other years. 😁.

That is so unbelievably rude, I can hardly believe people behave like that. Absolutely don't exchange the gifts and going forward just make it clear you will be giving something towards their savings - or premium bonds - they sound as if they get far too many presents anyway.

I'd say no, give her the gifts and let her sort out swapping the duplicates.

And she has a bloody cheek to a) ask for so much and b) ask you to buy more expensive stuff than her own family!

What's your brother's opinion?

I'm gobsmacked that you get asked to spend seventy flipping five British pounds on your nephews! Some kids don't get that much from Santa!!!!

@Ragwort

That is so unbelievably rude, I can hardly believe people behave like that. Absolutely don't exchange the gifts and going forward just make it clear you will be giving something towards their savings - or premium bonds - they sound as if they get far too many presents anyway.

This. If the kids want the £75 gifts, she will have to fork out for them. Her mistake. She won’t make it again if she has to clear up the ‘mess’. She can sell any duplicates to offset the cost. Otherwise ask her family for cash. Rude rude rude.

I’d text back and say sorry, I’m all organised and gifts are bought and wrapped, ready for the big day.

Not your problem that she made this mistake.

Her error that she seems to be looking to make you out as being unreasonable to her family if you don’t agree (which you shouldn’t if you’re finished shopping) very generous budget for your nephew, hope he loves all the gifts 🎁

Ah if you have the receipts etc... I’d give her them and say that you don’t have time to return the items and buy the new ones however she could if she wanted, I’d also advise that they possibly won’t let you refund.

Just to throw in a curveball/go against the grain. Isn't it considerably easier for you to be given a list every year rather than having to think what to get for yourself?

This is inconvenient but how much convenience have you gained over the years from getting specific lists?

Selling your gifts to her family sounds like a good option though.

You're incredibly generous with the amount you spend, and generous in spending time, energy, thought and money on gifts. Just explain it's too late to return, since you were prompt in responding to the list when it was sent. I would be ever so grateful that someone had gone to all that effort for me and my children, so I can't sympathise or understand her response.

So she wants you to buy her kids bigger budget items and lets her family buy the smaller budget stuff?

Wow. Grabby!

Her problem, not yours. Next year, just send her the money.

She made a mistake. Is it worth arguments and bad feelings?

Next year stick £50 in a card each

I would just say “hi sil, oh no this is a problem as I bought mine over a month ago and can’t return them plus I’m crazy busy the next couple of weeks - do you have any other ideas?”

Or…if I was feeling extra nice id sell on the gifts to her family and buy new. Bit of a faff but might be worth it? She could pop round and collect them and give you the money - then they could buy them off her instead of from a shop? But then you would have to insist that the new presents are ones you can order online as you don’t have time to go shopping. I know it’s a faff but as you’ve said they are really important to you then it might be worth the effort xx

It’s her mistake and agree with others, she needs to sort it. I’d definitely say you’ve already wrapped yours, as that makes it even more reason you shouldn’t be expected to unwrap, return, buy new list and wrap again. What a hassle!
She needs to get newest list back from other relatives quickly.

Agree with others it's her mistake to sort.

I give my.family lists (which they ask for) if I did this no way would I ask people to run around returning and buying new gifts

She's made a mistake, shit happens!

Your brother couldn't have made that mistake as he doesn't deal with Christmas.

To err is human, if you can help them do, if you. can't then explain

The difference in cost between families is irrelevant IMO. Some sides of families spend more or less than others!

I think it depends on how possible / difficult it is for you to return / get money back

Yes, she's cocked up, as most of us humans do from time to time. She hasn't done anything on purpose, and it does seem easier to ask one person if it would be possible to help her out, than get 5 different lots of people to.
If it were me, and there's no other back story, but just a mistake this year, then, if I could, I'd try and help out.