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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to give presents away?

82 replies

Antsinmypantsneedtodance · 12/12/2021 13:42

So for various reasons my inlaws have turned up today with presents for christmas.

In October I gave them a list of present ideas for DD (18 months) to ensure she'd get toys she'd use and no duplicated. Including things in a mix of prices that they could easily get. So no online retailers. They bought 3 items off it and told us about these. Great. She has too many toys anyway and the 3 they got were more than enough. In late November i asked if they were done with the list and they said yes they were and I could buy anything else off it they hadn't bought.

Today they have turned up with a sack of presents and i mean a sack. Quick look there's about 12 reasonable size gifts in there.

Now here comes the crunch. WIBU to go through it when they've gone and donate at least some to our local baby bank who are collecting christmas gifts? We do not need loads of presents and I'll probably end up giving some away after christmas anyway.

They won't be here on christmas day itself. But may come over new year instead. But I don't think they'll actually notice.

OP posts:
shouldistop · 12/12/2021 13:44

What does your dh think? They're his parents so I'd let him deal with it.

poopfgdj · 12/12/2021 13:44

Could you not let your DD open the presents and play with them. Then in January donate any that she hasn't showed an interest in? Seems a bit miserable to give away her Christmas presents to be honest.

frazzledasarock · 12/12/2021 13:45

I’d do it, it’s not being horrible you don’t have the space (well I wouldn’t). And the gifts will go where they are hugely appreciated.

WorraLiberty · 12/12/2021 13:47

I agree with @shouldistop

Leave it to your husband to deal with

ChuckMater · 12/12/2021 13:47

I think yabu. You provided a list, they chose from it. They've also bought some gifts that they saw and wanted her to have. Some people really enjoy choosing a gift themselves rather than from a list. I think you should let dc have the presents and then in the new year have a clear out and send unplayed with toys to charity. You might be surprised what she plays with.

Mrsjayy · 12/12/2021 13:48

How would you feel if someone regifted your presents you had bought what does your husband think ? The grandparents are excited let the baby have them and maybe give some of the used toys to charity shops. I certainly never regifted any presents my children got fromGp.

NotAshamedToFancyTheGrinch · 12/12/2021 13:48

I would donate some of the gifts. She has lots of gifts and she’s 18 months old. She won’t remember any of it. My 2 yo prefers the wrapping paper to the toys.
Someone will be along to call you a Puritan in a minute though.

Original poster
Antsinmypantsneedtodance · 12/12/2021 13:49

To clarify they asked for a list as they didn't know what to get her and they claim she has too many toys.

They're very much a quanity over quality family.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 12/12/2021 13:50

You could also donate some of what you've bought for your baby, if you feel she now has too much?

frazzledasarock · 12/12/2021 13:53

I’d donate the IL’s gifts, unless your DH objects and I’d do it before Christmas to a place like refuge etc so children will have new presents to open.

At 18 months mine were not interested in playing with toys much they wanted to climb and reach high places and sit in boxes and tear wrapping paper.

mumonthehill · 12/12/2021 13:54

My dm has always asked for a list then gone and topped up with extras that she thinks dc would like. I have no issue with it at and yes sometimes they have not quite been right but she has enjoyed giving them and I think that it is important to remember this.

TheSmallAssassin · 12/12/2021 13:54

I think it's good to have presents you haven't chosen yourself, a diversity of influences is always good. And I think it's mean to give away soneone else's presents! Why not put some away for a bit after Christmas and bring them out throughout the year?

I wonder if you truthfully would be asking the same question if it was your parents?

Mrsjayy · 12/12/2021 13:54

I don't think you need to clarify anything posters have understood your original post does it really matter if they have gone overboard and maybe not bought things you approve of.

TisTheSeasonToBeVegan · 12/12/2021 13:55

I’d let her open them and if there’s any she doesn’t take an interest in over the next couple of months, then donate them. Why do it now before she’s had a chance to see what she likes. She may play with them all.

Incywinceyspider · 12/12/2021 13:55

Are you sure it's all toys? It could be clothes etc.

WorraLiberty · 12/12/2021 14:03

@TisTheSeasonToBeVegan

I’d let her open them and if there’s any she doesn’t take an interest in over the next couple of months, then donate them. Why do it now before she’s had a chance to see what she likes. She may play with them all.
Yes, I think this is the perfect solution.

There may also be things the OP has bought her that she takes no interest in.

Bhappy12 · 12/12/2021 14:18

Of course you aren't being unreasonable. Your baby has enough toys, by donating now (rather than after they've been unbixed/played with) babies who don't have enough toys will get some lovely, new gifts on Xmas day. How could that be unreasonable? Hmm

minipie · 12/12/2021 14:24

Absolutely YANBU, I think your idea is excellent.

If you let her play with them first they will be much harder to regift.

If I’d given a gift to a family member who didn’t want or need that gift I would be very happy for them to give it to charity.

Uninterested · 12/12/2021 14:24

Leave it up to your husband.

Pinkchocolate · 12/12/2021 14:25

@TisTheSeasonToBeVegan

I’d let her open them and if there’s any she doesn’t take an interest in over the next couple of months, then donate them. Why do it now before she’s had a chance to see what she likes. She may play with them all.
Exactly this! Let her have a chance to enjoy them before deciding. Personally I think it’s lovely that your child’s grandparents love her that much that they want to spoil her, they may also enjoy playing with her with some of the things they’ve got her.
noottersontheflightdeck · 12/12/2021 14:30

I think it would be a bit mean to give away your DD's presents, and I think your ILs would be hurt that they went to a special effort to show they love your DD and you junked half of it without letting your DD even see them.

It wouldn't be unreasonable to quietly donate half of it to charity in January when your DD has shown which ones she has no interest in. As to their value having dropped through being played with - this is a windfall anyway. You haven't lost anything because you didn't spend anything.

I do sympathise with having your house filled with clutter but wait until after New Year to preserve good relations.

Capricopia · 12/12/2021 14:31

YANBU. At 1& months she will be overwhelmed by too many gifts. It would be kind for you to share some of them with kids who are less fortunate.

Babyg1995 · 12/12/2021 14:35

No I wouldn't give away your child's presents I don't see an issue .

minipie · 12/12/2021 14:36

I do think that for the sake of tact it might be better to donate a mix of things ILs have bought and things you have bought. At that age you can’t really tell what the hits will be anyway.

Pixiedust1234 · 12/12/2021 14:42

How about letting her have the IL gifts and you donate YOUR gifts instead? Your daughter might actually prefer theirs to yours.