AIBU to give presents away?

[Antsinmypantsneedtodance]

So for various reasons my inlaws have turned up today with presents for christmas.

In October I gave them a list of present ideas for DD (18 months) to ensure she'd get toys she'd use and no duplicated. Including things in a mix of prices that they could easily get. So no online retailers. They bought 3 items off it and told us about these. Great. She has too many toys anyway and the 3 they got were more than enough. In late November i asked if they were done with the list and they said yes they were and I could buy anything else off it they hadn't bought.

Today they have turned up with a sack of presents and i mean a sack. Quick look there's about 12 reasonable size gifts in there.

Now here comes the crunch. WIBU to go through it when they've gone and donate at least some to our local baby bank who are collecting christmas gifts? We do not need loads of presents and I'll probably end up giving some away after christmas anyway.

They won't be here on christmas day itself. But may come over new year instead. But I don't think they'll actually notice.

@Pixiedust1234

How about letting her have the IL gifts and you donate YOUR gifts instead? Your daughter might actually prefer theirs to yours.

This is the thing.

I remember when my DS was given a tiny secondhand toy rabbit (the type from a claw machine), by my MIL's elderly friend.

It was filthy and threadbare in places

Yet it turned out to be his very favourite toy that he went everywhere with

He's 19 years old now and it still sits on his bedroom windowsill.

OP, your comments sound a bit snobby .... very much quantity over quality.... I’d suggest you let you partner deal with his parents and listen to his views. They must have been good parents to bring up the person you love to be the man he is. Only on MN are people pilloried for kindness and generosity.

However well intentioned, I think it would be incredibly rude to give away the grandparents’ presents. It’s their money spent, their choice of gifts, for your child.
How would you feel if you gave someone a gift and they gave it straight to a charity collection with no attention to given to it at all?
Have a clear out now of your child’s existing toys and give away some that are not played with anymore. Do the same in a few months when they might have lost interest in some more.
If the volume of presents is overwhelming, spread them out over the Christmas period, they don’t all need to be opened on one day.

If you don’t want your child to have the presents, then tell your inlaws this now and give them back so that they have a chance to return them, or keep them at their place for when you visit. Or else you’ll have a repeat next year.

@Pixiedust1234

How about letting her have the IL gifts and you donate YOUR gifts instead? Your daughter might actually prefer theirs to yours.

You're assuming I've actually bought anything.

I tend to buy a tiny number of quality small or second hand toys. I think what frustrates me is the amount of waste when if donated prior to christmas it could give someone a lot of joy. Whereas here it causes stress. My MIL has an obsession with cuddly toys. Last christmas she gave her 4.

As for those that asked if I'd be the same if it were my parents. Yes I would be. Mine have bought 1 gift. They have a budget and stick to it. They also understand that time and memories are the best gifts of all. My inlaws come 2 times a year, 3 at most. They stay 48 hrs. Sadly they barely know their granddaughter.

It’s very rude to give them away straight away.

My inlaws come 2 times a year, 3 at most. They stay 48 hrs. Sadly they barely know their granddaughter.

In fairness though isn’t it just as much up to you to visit them, so your daughter gets to know her grandparents?

**I tend to buy a tiny number of quality small or second hand toys. My MIL has an obsession with cuddly toys. Last christmas she gave her 4.

But maybe your child will grow up loving cuddly toys too? That’s the thing with gifts. It’s other people’s thought that goes into them. You children can’t and won’t always receive what you want them to.

DD is a bit older now, but we have always done the pre-birthday and pre-christmas toy clear out. Anything that isn't really loved goes to the bin or the charity shop. That leaves us plenty of space when Father Christmas is a little more generous than we anticipated. We then do a mini clear out at about Easter to remove the less loved items (whoever bought them).

As others have said, sometimes the carefully selected, traditional, wooden, educational (expensive) toys I think are 'best' have gone quite quickly whilst the plastic Pudsey ring that came on the top of a Gregg's fairy cake lives to fight another day. Curse that ring... I think we're on three years and counting.

I think you need to be at least aware of what was in the gifts, and maybe keep them all for a short time before donating some to charity. Donating them as new just now would be a lovely thing to do but might end up getting you in a difficult situation with the gift givers! I know it's a pain, many parents have been there with the excessive gift giving of relatives (and the excess of plastic) but it's very hard to stamp it out completely at times!

YANBU,I'm planning on similar, but I'm going to wait until after Christmas. In laws dump mostly huge, expensive plastic toys that our kids lose interest in after a couple of days max, if they even bother to play with them. I still have a big bag of age-inappropriate toys that the kids can't be bothered with to donate from last Christmas and birthdays. 🙈
Disclaimer: we always say thanks and don't tell them all this, but they also never bother with the kids outside of Christmas and birthdays to drop presents off then scarper, despite our best efforts to see them more.

As others have said, sometimes the carefully selected, traditional, wooden, educational (expensive) toys I think are 'best' have gone quite quickly whilst the plastic Pudsey ring that came on the top of a Gregg's fairy cake lives to fight another day. Curse that ring... I think we're on three years and counting.

So true! 😂 The most played with toys here have been real empty (washed obviously) food cartons like milk, butter, baking powder, juice etc. The wooden pretend food was never looked at.

And not to forget empty ketchup bottles, used as water pistols in summer or in the bath!! They are so much better than the real ones! 😂

I think it’s really rude to donate presents that someone has taken the time and effort to buy and wrap.
You sound snobby OP, maybe your DC will love the presents more than the old toys.
What’s wrong with cuddly toys?

If they're cuddly give them away straight away as they're a nightmare to give away/charity shop secondhand...no one wants them!

If you don't think they'd notice I'd have no qualms about this. Someone less fortunate benefits and less clutter to deal with in a few months. My mother always buys me terrible gifts so I just donate them immediately. She's never noticed, to my knowledge. I'm not living with clutter I don't need out of politeness.

You sound like a bit of a fun sponge OP, who doesn’t really like the in-laws.

Funny it is always the in-laws that buy the wrong or too many gifts. These surely aren’t your things to give away and it is for your husband to deal with anyway.

You're assuming I've actually bought anything.

Well have you or not?

If not, then you don't have to now.

They probably don't stay very long as their prescriptive DIL isn't very welcoming.

Put it this way how would you feel if your DH cleaned out your wardrobe and gave things away.
I bet you wouldn't like it.

Just save some things, for later birthdays and such, or give a few to someone, who you think may be a bit hard up for money , and can't buy much for their little ones.

Donate them - to you they are an inconvenience, your DD won't miss them as she has plenty of other gifts - but think of the difference they could make to someone else who has nothing to give their baby at Christmas.

Yes do it op, let some deprived dc benefit.
You've been kind and clear and they have gone agaisnt you. They could have stuck to the gifts and put money into they bank instead.

@BorderlineHappy

Put it this way how would you feel if your DH cleaned out your wardrobe and gave things away. I bet you wouldn't like it.

How is that comparable?

If your DH is happy enough, then I'd donate most of them. Even if you keep 3 or 4, that's loads. Donating them now still gives time for an organisation to use them for Christmas.