To wonder if our children would be the ‘poor’ ones at private school

[Changethefloorthroughout]

DH and I have a good joint income of over £100,000 and I’m seriously considering private school for our children.

A worry for me is if they are surrounded by children from much wealthier backgrounds if they would feel ‘poor’. I’m just posting for thoughts from people who know a bit more about the independent system than me.

That’s good to know Pudds, thanks.

Looking at the website it doesn’t appear to be a drastically expensive uniform, either. Normal looking skirt and blouse / trousers and shirt and tie.

I think you/your DC would be ok for all the reasons already posted, but what's your Plan B in case you or your partner are made redundant/get sick/want to change career and retrain?

@Changethefloorthroughout

Pumper but it’s like you’re reading a different thread.

So we have an annual income of £115. In real terms, that’s more like £83,000.

83 minus 28 still leaves us with £55,000 net. Even taking ten thousand a year away (mortgage) leaves us over forty thousand for gas, electric, broadband, shoes, clothes, washing machines, holidays and hobbies.

Is it enough for a lavish lifestyle the queen would envy - of course not, but that’s not the sort of lifestyle we have or tbh want.

Don’t get me wrong here. I want to hear the realities of life at private school. But the sharp intakes of breath and the ‘how can YOU afford THAT’ are just daft. Because 115 minus 28 equals 87. That’s how!

I’m not reading a different thread - you said if you died your husband would still have 45k after school fees, remember? You were being pedantic at the time. But he wouldn’t - because he’d still have loads of other outgoings. I was responding to your scenario.

Again: what are the state schools like?

My DC go to them and there’s a broad range of incomes. Surprisingly so.

There are Lamborghinis in the car park. And there is a significant cohort of kids from families who tighten their belts to go there.

@Pumperthepumper but why would the OP not have life insurances & death in service benefits & hopefully she won't die.

I had a full scholarship to a private school.

I had several friends with huge houses, tennis courts and swimming pools - it was always fun to visit them.

Mu house was small but I had access to oven chips and frozen burgers which I was allowed to cook and a garden which we dug up to build an underground camp.

We all had bikes.

I really didn't think about relative wealth - I just had friends and we did different things according to where we were.

"No one is saying an income of £100,000 + is poor. I’m really wondering about comprehension skills on here!

It iscomparativelypoor: in other words, would everyone else have much more money than you"

Nobody, whether they earn ten times that or a fraction of it would consider 100k poor. If they did, I would consider them to be the one's experiencing comprehension issues to be honest.

[quote gattey]@Pumperthepumper but why would the OP not have life insurances & death in service benefits & hopefully she won't die. [/quote]
Again; I was responding to the OP’s scenario. So maybe you’re best asking the OP.

Go for it OP, I have two children in private school.

@Motheroftigers

Think you are right re envy! Why else

I wouldn’t do it unless you could comfortably afford all the extra curricular activities, holidays etc too. In my experience, these can easily add thousands over the school year - then times this by multiple children

If you base all your life decisions on ‘but I might die’, you might as well become a recluse.

Situations change. Most people have enough cop on to realise that, and make adjustments as needed.

What with being adults who live in the real world, and all that.

My experience of the private secondary school my nephew attends on an academic scholarship is that a lot of the children are not remotely in the mega-rich bracket, but comfortably off with very hard-working parents from an assortment of walks of life. I have not noticed any hint that friendships are made or broken based on wealth. They either get on or they don't. Visits to the homes of those who are either more or less well off results in no remarks whatsoever.

My dd has recently changed to a private school. She chose a small school, which has a similar feel to her former primary. She’s actually asked me how come she didn’t go on a bursary and is a bit jealous of the kids, whose parents don’t pay. 🙄

Her new bestie obviously comes from quite a bit of money, lives in a house worth a few million. I’ve met her parents briefly. They seem absolutely lovely. Then there are those on bursaries. I imagine their home life is very different again.

At the lower end of the paging spectrum, dd knows another girl, who goes to another private schools d lives in a very modest house. I imagine her parents move heaven and earth to send her privately.

You’ll probably be sitting somewhere in the middle in all honesty unless you go for an elite school.

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

Just remember the quote from desperate housewives (that classical font of wisdom) “Mum, are we poor?” “Only financially”

Wtf is with the posters trying to pick holes in you being able to afford private school.

OP asked if she could afford it - it's right there in the title.

People are allowed to give their own experiences of it, lol.

My thread isn’t about state schools. I don’t understand why you’re so determined to prove we can’t afford private school. We clearly can. We may not be as wealthy as some and the schools may not be as expensive as some, but it isn’t unaffordable!

Both of us do actually have good death in service benefits, to the point that we’d probably be better off if the other died, not that we want that

I didn’t ask if we could afford it, @icedcoffees. I know we can afford it. I’m asking about how my children would measure up in financial terms. It’s one thing to afford private school, another to feel like the poor relations.

@Changethefloorthroughout

My thread isn’t about state schools. I don’t understand why you’re so determined to prove we can’t afford private school. We clearly can. We may not be as wealthy as some and the schools may not be as expensive as some, but it isn’t unaffordable!

Both of us do actually have good death in service benefits, to the point that we’d probably be better off if the other died, not that we want that

People are just giving their experiences OP.

Private school costs are much more than just fees - there are lots of other aspects to consider. If you think you can afford it and want to send your kids, why would you let strangers' opinions change your mind anyway?

It isn't comparatively poor, it may be less wealthy but poor does not equal not being able to keep up with the ponsonby-smythes and not being able to afford the school skiing trips. Poor equals having to prioritise food or heating. Poor equals needing food banks and not being able to afford essential bills.

I hope this helps with people's comprehension.

Op, I didn't realise I was diverting the thread, but then maybe I've got really bad 'comprehension skills'

I'd be very surprised if many people with a joint 100k income could afford private school if they also had a mortgage, travel costs etc. In SE anyway it would be a huge stretch for most families on that income unless they had paid off their mortgage.

This. Our joint income is just shy of 100k and with mortgage, childcare, car, groceries, clubs, etc. a modest annual holiday and some savings for the kids we have naff all left.

@Changethefloorthroughout

That’s good to know Pudds, thanks.

Looking at the website it doesn’t appear to be a drastically expensive uniform, either. Normal looking skirt and blouse / trousers and shirt and tie.

No blazer? Have you looked at all the uniform btw? This is what I thought. But…. There’s PE kits (top, shorts or skort, trousers, base layers for cold weather, waterproof jacket, fleece), lab coat.

@Changethefloorthroughout

My thread isn’t about state schools. I don’t understand why you’re so determined to prove we can’t afford private school. We clearly can. We may not be as wealthy as some and the schools may not be as expensive as some, but it isn’t unaffordable!

Both of us do actually have good death in service benefits, to the point that we’d probably be better off if the other died, not that we want that

Do you remember saying your husband would have 45k left over? The pedantic post? Because this post would indicate you’ve no memory of it.

I’m asking about state schools because I think the best option with a combined income of 110k is state education with money put into music and sports, and plenty of out of school opportunities.

But I would change my mind if the state schools were so terrible that private was the only chance of a decent education.

@Changethefloorthroughout

My thread isn’t about state schools. I don’t understand why you’re so determined to prove we can’t afford private school. We clearly can. We may not be as wealthy as some and the schools may not be as expensive as some, but it isn’t unaffordable!

Both of us do actually have good death in service benefits, to the point that we’d probably be better off if the other died, not that we want that

And there will be plenty of others in exactly the same boat.

OP this is entirely dependent on where you are. If the state secondary schools are poor in your area you will find families of all walks of life in the classroom with your children - if the private school is nearby to an excellent school state system, potentially not so much.

My children attend private school in an area of fantastic primary and shocking state provision. The result is a huge intake at secondary.

Your salary, in the north for a good independent is fine. And your kids will be fine.