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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder if our children would be the ‘poor’ ones at private school

658 replies

Changethefloorthroughout · 11/12/2021 19:56

DH and I have a good joint income of over £100,000 and I’m seriously considering private school for our children.

A worry for me is if they are surrounded by children from much wealthier backgrounds if they would feel ‘poor’. I’m just posting for thoughts from people who know a bit more about the independent system than me.

OP posts:
LoveGrooveDanceParty · 11/12/2021 21:10

@Pumperthepumper - did you go to private school, or are you kids at a private school?

Pumperthepumper · 11/12/2021 21:11

[quote LoveGrooveDanceParty]@Pumperthepumper - did you go to private school, or are you kids at a private school?[/quote]
Neither. I worked in one.

MsSquiz · 11/12/2021 21:11

@Bojoohnono it's money awarded to a student to allow them to attend a school/education when they otherwise could not afford it

Mine was technically called an "assured place" which meant I was provided with a free place under a government scheme based on my passing the entrance exam. I was awarded my place in the last year the were available, before they were considered a waste of public funds

CayrolBaaaskin · 11/12/2021 21:11

Your costs are otherwise low and outside the south east it is affordable for you to send your dcs to private school. Probably the same for others at the school I would assume

Toastfiendish · 11/12/2021 21:11

Just on the uniform point, not all private schools have eyewateringly expensive uniform. I guess it's worth checking, but the one I went to didn't have blazers etc - st Paul's girls is ridiculously expensive and I don't think they wear a uniform! And lots of state schools in non wealthy catchments have hideously expensive uniform - there are threads complaining about it every August!

roastedcabbage · 11/12/2021 21:12

We are in a similar position OP, with similar salaries and commitments.
I'm still not sure what to do, despite the fact that our DD passed the 11+ entrance exam.

Not only the money or the affordability, but more the completely different world...

Comedycook · 11/12/2021 21:12

Really does depend on the school and area

AutumnLeaves21 · 11/12/2021 21:13

@gojoroyco “bingo” and sneer all you want, it’s the truth and you know it.

@FreedomFaith absolutely 👏

@notanothertakeaway excellent point!

MsSquiz · 11/12/2021 21:13

[quote MsSquiz]@Bojoohnono it's money awarded to a student to allow them to attend a school/education when they otherwise could not afford it

Mine was technically called an "assured place" which meant I was provided with a free place under a government scheme based on my passing the entrance exam. I was awarded my place in the last year the were available, before they were considered a waste of public funds[/quote]
*assisted place, not assured place!

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 11/12/2021 21:14

Just remember the quote from desperate housewives (that classical font of wisdom)
“Mum, are we poor?”
“Only financially”

Wtf is with the posters trying to pick holes in you being able to afford private school.

Beachbreak2411 · 11/12/2021 21:14

Oh you poor thing. £100k a year. My £10k a year heart bleeds for you. Ffs.

speckledcat · 11/12/2021 21:15

I think you'll be fine. I sent 3 to private school on a similar salary. I'd say we were pretty average income wise. The state school I attended had skirts, blazers etc you could only buy in one particular shop and were expensive even when I was a child and still are. We had hockey sticks, mouth guards, shin pads too. These are things many schools have not just private.
I would go for it if you like the school.

Ringshanks · 11/12/2021 21:16

I went to an extremely expensive boarding school on a scholarship. Most of the other students had parents who were too wealthy to work (family money ) and some had celebrity or aristocratic relations . Nobody seemed to care a fig that I was not from a moneyed background because I was good at hockey and smuggled vodka into the dorm . Kids are just kids .

LoveGrooveDanceParty · 11/12/2021 21:16

So then you know full well that there is a range of incomes at private schools, and it’s not only the very wealthy who send their kids there.

Original poster
Changethefloorthroughout · 11/12/2021 21:17

Pumper but it’s like you’re reading a different thread.

So we have an annual income of £115. In real terms, that’s more like £83,000.

83 minus 28 still leaves us with £55,000 net. Even taking ten thousand a year away (mortgage) leaves us over forty thousand for gas, electric, broadband, shoes, clothes, washing machines, holidays and hobbies.

Is it enough for a lavish lifestyle the queen would envy - of course not, but that’s not the sort of lifestyle we have or tbh want.

Don’t get me wrong here. I want to hear the realities of life at private school. But the sharp intakes of breath and the ‘how can YOU afford THAT’ are just daft. Because 115 minus 28 equals 87. That’s how!

OP posts:
Motheroftigers · 11/12/2021 21:17

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

Just remember the quote from desperate housewives (that classical font of wisdom) “Mum, are we poor?” “Only financially”

Wtf is with the posters trying to pick holes in you being able to afford private school.

Envy...
OppsUpsSide · 11/12/2021 21:17

Maybe? But I know a number of children who are at private school due to Grandparents paying rather than parents, they seem to be doing just fine 🤷🏻‍♀️

Fomofo · 11/12/2021 21:17

I agree it's an insensitive post

Motheroftigers · 11/12/2021 21:17

@OppsUpsSide

Maybe? But I know a number of children who are at private school due to Grandparents paying rather than parents, they seem to be doing just fine 🤷🏻‍♀️
I know a fair few too!
Original poster
Changethefloorthroughout · 11/12/2021 21:18

@Beachbreak2411

Oh you poor thing. £100k a year. My £10k a year heart bleeds for you. Ffs.
I’m not asking your heart to bleed for me. How silly.
OP posts:
Pumperthepumper · 11/12/2021 21:18

@LoveGrooveDanceParty

So then you know full well that there is a range of incomes at private schools, and it’s not only the very wealthy who send their kids there.
I’ve already said that. But it’s absolutely true that very few people are paying school fees when those fees are 30% of their household income. Some are. Many are not. So the answer to the question ‘would our kids be in the less wealthy sector?’ the answer is: yes.

What’s your experience of private schools?

Original poster
Changethefloorthroughout · 11/12/2021 21:18

@Fomofo

I agree it's an insensitive post
Rather than divert the thread, I would strongly suggest reporting it. MNHQ are very good about removing offensive and insensitive material, I find.
OP posts:
Puddstalk · 11/12/2021 21:18

If you are looking at a normal local independent school I can say with confidence that your DC will not be “the poor kids” probably someplace in the middle.

Toastfiendish · 11/12/2021 21:19

Your financial assessment is that you can afford it - I don't think your thread was really supposed to be about whether you could afford it so I'm not sure why that has become a focus.

I completely agree with the other posters here who have emphasized that it's about how they felt and reacted to the situation rather than the way they were treated by others at school. Realistically only you know how your children are likely to feel about this.

I also really agree it depends on where you live. In my neck of the woods it is fashionable for wealthy teenagers to eg buy their clothes from charity shops and for wealthy parents not to drive necessarily but I can see that wouldn't be the case everywhere!

Tal45 · 11/12/2021 21:20

From what I've heard from 'poor' people who've sent their kids to private school it's the holidays and birthday parties where it really becomes apparent.