To wonder if our children would be the ‘poor’ ones at private school

[Changethefloorthroughout]

DH and I have a good joint income of over £100,000 and I’m seriously considering private school for our children.

A worry for me is if they are surrounded by children from much wealthier backgrounds if they would feel ‘poor’. I’m just posting for thoughts from people who know a bit more about the independent system than me.

I've met many families who earn that and send their kids to private. Their lives are pretty minimalist the rest of the time. You have to be in the £250k + bracket so have the posh school and accompanying swank lifestyle. We earn together a bit more than you but have no desire to live like monks so ours go to a decent (but not amazing) state. We spend our cash on holidays, clubs, activities and tutors if necessary.

I know several people who keep their income under a certain threshold so they can nab a bursary place. Or could do what loads on here and in RL do and get grandparents to pay for it!

Well how about if your kids (or you, again) ever bitch and moan about being poor on 100k, you all go and volunteer somewhere. Find a local food bank and meet people who are the poor ones at state school. What a bloody incendiary thread title!

[quote OnceuponaRainbow18]@Changethefloorthroughout

Because talking about earning more than £100k a year and using the word poor in the same sentence is ridiculous.[/quote]
'Poor' was in quotation marks in the title so wind your neck in and go and find something else to be outraged at.

@WombatChocolate
This is my experience too.

I didn’t ask if we could afford it, @Keke94LND

@Ijustreallywantacat

Well how about if your kids (or you, again) ever bitch and moan about being poor on 100k, you all go and volunteer somewhere. Find a local food bank and meet people who are the poor ones at state school. What a bloody incendiary thread title!

You have completely misunderstood the op’s post. She knows she is not poor.

OP, rather than inciting all the inevitable speculation and sweeping statements, why not just state how much the fees are and roughly where you live? Why all the mystery?

There’s a massive difference between eg. the London Day Schools wharf the fees will be £9k per term, and a sleepy little private school in the countryside where it might be £4k per term.

It totally depends in the school and location. This is obvious

Who are all these people who talk about how much they earn??

Crude and vulgar. Yuck.

If my child were to be made to feel uncomfortable by others because we didn’t earn above a certain level of income, then I wouldn’t want my child to make friends with these other kids anyway.

I have, pilar I’ve said exactly how much the fees are!

In my experience this doesn't happen. I have 2 dc at 2 different private schools and neither have had experience of this, although our financial situation is different to yours.
That being said I hate materialism and will not enter into a 'keeping up with the jonses' type behaviour, and I think I've brought my dcs to be similar. All their friends are lovely, down to earth with perfectly normal parents. Dc1 school has a few billionaires children (particularly the Chinese borders) but also many boys on burseries. Those boys that try and boast about money get laughed at, it just isn't a thing, but who knows maybe in some schools it is?
When I was at private school (centuries ago) it was actually 'cool' to put on a cockney accent and pretend you werent an over privileged idiot, we sounded like wannabe eastenders actors!

@pilar3

OP, rather than inciting all the inevitable speculation and sweeping statements, why not just state how much the fees are and roughly where you live? Why all the mystery?

There’s a massive difference between eg. the London Day Schools wharf the fees will be £9k per term, and a sleepy little private school in the countryside where it might be £4k per term.

It totally depends in the school and location. This is obvious

I believe Op already stated fees were circa £28k for two children and she does not live in south east.

You have completely misunderstood the op’s post. She knows she is not poor.

It says the word in the title. OP then goes on to use the word 'poverty'. I don't care if its in quotes or not, I think a lot of people here could gain some perspective. I work with people who are actually, properly 'poor' every day. I've had mums faint on me because they haven't eaten for a week to ensure that the kids do. OP, watch your language. Go volunteer somewhere.

My apologies, I missed that it was £28,000 per year for two. I assume this is a quite rural location?

Just be careful OP. Some independent schools are money for old rope frankly, especially at the less expensive end of the scale.

I’m sure you have looked into it, but what are the results at GCSE, A-level? Are they actually better than the local state school?

Is this school selective at all?

I don’t think it’s particularly rural. I mean, Not London, but still a smallish city. We live fairly rurally, which is one reason I’m giving serious consideration to private schools, as the private schools are actually close to the (state) school I work in which would help with pick ups and drop offs. That’s a fairly minor reason but is still a reason.

Similar income to us, our daughter went through private school, which was 90% funded from government as oh in the military.
Yes, she mixed with friends a lot lot wealthier than us, didnt make a blind bit of difference though. She was judged because she was lot from a wealthy family.

@Ijustreallywantacat

You have completely misunderstood the op’s post. She knows she is not poor.

It says the word in the title. OP then goes on to use the word 'poverty'. I don't care if its in quotes or not, I think a lot of people here could gain some perspective. I work with people who are actually, properly 'poor' every day. I've had mums faint on me because they haven't eaten for a week to ensure that the kids do. OP, watch your language. Go volunteer somewhere.

No need to be so aggressive in your post. Op uses the word poor, but has stated numerous times she know an income of over £100k is not poor. She is asking about comparative wealth levels. Instead of criticising the op’s language, why not read through the thread?

@Changethefloorthroughout

I didn’t ask if we could afford it, *@Keke94LND*

Fair enough you're right you didn't, but I don't really understand why you care if your kids are going to be the 'poor' ones at a private school? What are you worried about? Are you worried they're going to feel hard done by? Because if so then just teach them how privileged they are to have parents that can afford to send them to private school? Are you worried they're gonna be bullied? What is it you're actually concerned about?

@pilar3

My apologies, I missed that it was £28,000 per year for two. I assume this is a quite rural location?

Just be careful OP. Some independent schools are money for old rope frankly, especially at the less expensive end of the scale.

I’m sure you have looked into it, but what are the results at GCSE, A-level? Are they actually better than the local state school?

Is this school selective at all?

Location is key with regard to fees imo. My dd attends a selective school in the south west and fees are circa 15k per year. School has excellent results. We are not in a rural location.

OP, fair enough, but I would say really look at the outcomes and the management before you choose a school. A lot of smaller independent schools are run by “governors” who feel they answer to nobody.

Really look at whether you are getting value for money here. Smaller class sizes mean nothing if the teaching is crap. Also, a non-selective school will not produce better outcomes than a non-selective state. Finally, some independents are brilliant with SEN, but others offer nothing and they can get away with offering nothing in a way that state schools would not be able to.

Is it a selective school and how selective?

Depends on the school. 2 in our city are full of billionaires kids, and kids of Russian Oligarchs and ‘famous’ world wide. The other 2/3 are full of kids from MC/upper MC families and less elitist though it’s still all ski-ing at Easter
Etc
We chosen not to send or kids to private school - we want them to know they’re privileged and learn how to get on in the world with all
Sorts of people. Both brought up WC with little money.
But that being said because of our income oir kids already have advantages of sports clubs, private music lessons, and if they struggle
in a subject at school when older we could afford tutors.

It is incredibly shit to be the poor one in any school. For private secondary, if you can't afford the lifestyle that goes with it, don't put your kids in that position.

OP - one thing I’d say is do a thorough check on the school’s finances.

Lots of smaller standalone schools are often in financial difficulties and you will see the effect if that trickle down to education.

Class sizes and ratios will be pushed, lots of staff on temp contracts, people withdrawing children etc.

We are a small standalone (with an exceptional Balance Sheet) and other local well thought of preps have really suffered, especially lately.

We were approached by one to discuss merging. It wasn’t for us but we’re seeing lots of kids on our waiting list who are currently there.

Just a practical note.

Well, yes, but the schools been up and running for some 150 years. Never say never but it’s fairly well established.

Both kids have a huge range of other kids at their private schools, the eldest went to stay at his friends who live in a mansion in St John's wood last weekend, he mentioned their house being amazing, bigger and more luxurious than ours and ours would be amazing to those on a lower income but it means nothing to the kids, they're just friends.

The youngest has a kid at their school who arrives by helicopter and a fair few are house hold name celebrities but they're all just school kids to each other who seem to get on and don't think about the disparities in their parents income. DC doesn't think about how much a helicopter must cost just that it's a helicopter and is v cool.

Of course their just 2 kids out of thousands but it hasn't been an issue for us.

I’m in a similar boat OP. DH and I combined salary would easily afford a private school for our one DC. I’m thinking about it for secondary. If one of us lost our jobs we should be able to get another quickly due to the sectors that we work in, both in short supply.

I’m concerned that we would stick out a bit. Other families would have holiday homes in the Caribbean and probably the DC have been skiing every year etc, we haven’t. Also both DH and I went to state schools, I’m sure some/a lot of the cohort will have multi generational history at the school.

I think you need a good slush fund for school uniform and kit etc. Also if you have savings some schools offer a discount to pre pay years in advance.

The fees for private school seem to be on par with what we paid for nursery fees tbh, also what we will likely pay in accommodation costs if they go to Uni.