My experience of this, is it is largely determined by the attitude and confidence of the parent themselves, not their income.
I’ve known families with impressive incomes who ‘feel poor’ in the context if their independent school. They notice what others have all the time and constantly compare. They vocalise their feelings about money and talk about the price if everything people have from houses to shoes to cars. Their kids quickly take this on board too and notice what other kids have and what they don’t have and it becomes an issue. This is often at attitude from those who lack confidence. For whatever reason the parents have a bit of ‘imposter syndrome’ and feel they don’t belong or fit in or deserve their place at the school. It might occur because of their own background which really wasn’t well off or their education level or job, or just general lack of confidence.
Equally I’ve known others who really did have much lower incomes than most, for whom this really wasn’t an issue at all. The parents were bright and confident. They would talk to anyone and held their own socially. Money wasn’t something they constantly thought about and they were happy in their own skins. They understood their own financial position, didn’t aspire to do things (trips) they couldn’t afford and weren’t ashamed of their financial position. Consequently their children didn’t think of money as a big thing. That doesn’t mean they had no awareness of differences, but it wasn’t a big deal. These kids had loads of friends….they were likeable children that other kids were drawn to some were good at sport or another activity and honestly money wasn’t an isssue.
As for other families, in my experience of several schools, most people aren’t as crass as to talk about money or to leave people out. Where it has been the case or where individuals have, it’s not usually the top or most affluent schools, but the ones people choose precisely because the fees are lower, and hardly anyone is exceptionally well off. Often it’s those people who are most aspirational and compare most, because for many of them, fees are a struggle and a big deal.
The bigger the name and longer the history of the school, the. Ore likely it is to have a big foundation behind it which funds substantial bursaries. There will be more children on bursaries from a wider range of backgrounds. There are always staff children in discounted places and in many big schools up to 25% or more are receiving some form of fee discount, even if it’s a small scholarship rather than large bursary.
In the end, parental attitudes rub off on kids. If you are someone who compares and will feel worried about it or inferior in any way because you have less money or a smaller house, then maybe it’s not for you. That would be a shame because this stuff is mostly in peoples heads rather than reality.