To wonder if our children would be the ‘poor’ ones at private school

[Changethefloorthroughout]

DH and I have a good joint income of over £100,000 and I’m seriously considering private school for our children.

A worry for me is if they are surrounded by children from much wealthier backgrounds if they would feel ‘poor’. I’m just posting for thoughts from people who know a bit more about the independent system than me.

@Changethefloorthroughout exactly!

Colleague was seriously well off with a DH who earned upper 6 figures

Where do you women find these rich men?!

Op, I'm not sure on a public forum you get to direct which way the conversation goes

[quote Changethefloorthroughout]@Pumperthepumper yes, I remember.

In this hypothetical world, I am dead and my £40k salary is no more and all DH has his his - 75000.

and he has no life insurance

or pension payout

or death in service benefit for me

all he has is his own salary, of £75000 or £54,000 in real terms.

54 minus 28 is 26.

then the mortgage which is £10000

so £16,000 left.

so even though I have died so thoroughly that he hasn’t been able to access any of the hundreds of thousands of pounds he’d actually get if I died, he could actually still manage to afford it, pay the mortgage, and have £1300 for other bills and so on, and you’re still adamant this is unaffordable.

It’s getting really daft now and it’s distracting me from other helpful posts.[/quote]
I know its bonkers

To be fair to @icedcoffees she did say she misread the title.

Pumper is probably best ignored, I must admit I don’t know what the particular axe is but she definitely has one!

'absolute poverty', 'poor', 'inadequate' - your choice of words is grotesque

@gattey

OP asked if she could afford it - it's right there in the title

Not the one I read...

Yes, and as I said, I'm tired and misread the title, I've admitted that :)

@PWYP76

Colleague was seriously well off with a DH who earned upper 6 figures

Where do you women find these rich men?!

I know I am interested too!

@Changethefloorthroughout and again, I’m not saying you can’t afford it. Hang on, I’ll write it out properly:

YOU CAN AFFORD PRIVATE SCHOOL FOR YOUR TWO CHILDREN

But you asked if they’d be amongst the less wealthy, and with 30% of your combined salaries going on school fees, they would be.

I’m not trying to do that @Fomofo, but I don’t think there’s anything to be gained by endlessly posting facts and figures over and over and then ‘yes but what if …’ - it gets silly. And distracting.

I have been the poor one at private school and it was horrible. Not because the pupils were mean or anything. It's hard to explain.
However you are far better off than my family were

[quote Changethefloorthroughout]@Pumperthepumper yes, I remember.

In this hypothetical world, I am dead and my £40k salary is no more and all DH has his his - 75000.

and he has no life insurance

or pension payout

or death in service benefit for me

all he has is his own salary, of £75000 or £54,000 in real terms.

54 minus 28 is 26.

then the mortgage which is £10000

so £16,000 left.

so even though I have died so thoroughly that he hasn’t been able to access any of the hundreds of thousands of pounds he’d actually get if I died, he could actually still manage to afford it, pay the mortgage, and have £1300 for other bills and so on, and you’re still adamant this is unaffordable.

It’s getting really daft now and it’s distracting me from other helpful posts.[/quote]
Your hypothetical sadly widowed DH who inexplicably hasn't been able to access your death in service payout etc has more money left after he's paid the school fees and mortgage than I have before I've paid any bills! So I think you'll be fine.

I've got friends who were the "poor ones" at private school. They were fine. Maybe because being friends with even less well off people outside of school (ie me) let them see their relative privilege.

@time2tork

In my experience, barely any private school mums work, they are hugely involved with the school, always volunteering and making things amazing for the children.

If your the parent who is busy with life or working then in my experience I was made to feel like I didn't care about my kids!!

All the other Mums LIVED at the school.

Just thought I'd mention if your having to work to pay for the school.

This couldn't be further from the truth. The vast majority of the mums at my DDs school are professional women with busy careers who 'share' parenting - the school facilitates working parents with flexibility and amazing extra curricular programmes.

No I know what you mean Sleepy. I’ve experienced similar. It’s a feeling of being out of sync or out of place, I think. I’m sorry you went through that

But you asked if they’d be amongst the less wealthy, and with 30% of your combined salaries going on school fees, they would be.

It depends on the school & location imo.

"Because it’s too high a percentage to make the risk worth it. For example, what happens if one of you can no longer work? What happens if one of you is made redundant?"

This certainly implies that you don't think the OP can afford it.

Gross salaries are helpful as a ballpark, but don't deduct fees from them to give your remaining income; you won't be paying fees from gross pay (exception below!)
Fwiw my DH worked at a fab indie school near us with similar fees; we also have a similar income to you (135k ish) and we'd look at sending ours there. Would be a squeeze paying both sets for five years when they overlap but our mortgage is quite low so it's doable. If I could get him to go back and teach there, the fees would be paid from his gross pay!

@gattey

But you asked if they’d be amongst the less wealthy, and with 30% of your combined salaries going on school fees, they would be.

It depends on the school & location imo.

"Because it’s too high a percentage to make the risk worth it. For example, what happens if one of you can no longer work? What happens if one of you is made redundant?"

This certainly implies that you don't think the OP can afford it.

That was in response to a pp saying loads of people on that income send their kids private. They don’t.

'Silly and distracting', sorry ma'am

@icedcoffees I can't keep up!

That was in response to a pp saying loads of people on that income send their kids private. They don’t.

Don't they, based on what? The private schools I've worked in have had a real mix, the majority imo aren't multi millionaires.

Honestly, this forum is ridiculous.

@Girlmum2020

Depends a lot on where in Uk you are, and what the school is like. There is a lot of variety!! We have similar income level to you and our dd goes to local independent in the north. We don’t live in a mansion and she does visit some amazing houses which doesn’t bother us. I think it’s not bad for her to understand that everybody has different backgrounds. We always emphasise to her that we are much better off than a lot of people so it’s all relative. A lot of the families at the school are hard working professionals who are not from wealthy backgrounds originally (often offspring of immigrant parents) so actually she sees a lot of inspirational people which I think is healthy. We are not alone, there are others in similar houses/ jobs to us and we haven’t found anybody looking down at us.

Love this

@gattey

That was in response to a pp saying loads of people on that income send their kids private. They don’t.

Don't they, based on what? The private schools I've worked in have had a real mix, the majority imo aren't multi millionaires.

Which private schools have you worked in? I doubt you’ve worked in many with a majority of parents having an income of 110k combined.

How do you KNOW parental income just from working there though Pumper?

Actually don’t tell me … I don’t think I want to know! I’m smelling something goady.