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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think health professionals shouldn't shame people

526 replies

EmmaGrundyForPM · 11/12/2021 14:45

My son did not get a Covid jab. His rationale was that his risk of serious illness was very low even if he contracted it, and that all those who are at high risk have now been jabbed. I don't agree with that argument, and have had all 3 jabs myself, but respect that that is his view. He also suffers from anxiety and panic attacks.

He finally decided to have the vaccine, as he realises that various restrictions might impact on him (Covid passports etc) if he remains unvaccinated. So he went off yo the walk-in centre to get one this morning.

He's just got home fuming. When he presented himself, the person registering him asked him why he hadn't had his jab earlier. Why would that be any of their business? He then went through to the vaccinator who asked the same thing. He did explain that he had changed his mind because he wants to go to concerts and to visit his grandparents abroad. The vaccinator then said "that's a very selfish attitude, you won't have a vaccine to prevent people dying but you will to go on holiday".

Surely Health Professionals ought to be encouraging people to get vaccinated, not shaming them? I've given him grief about not getting vaccinated but I'm his Mum and he lives with us. I volunteer in a vaccine clinic and have always made a point of being really positive towards everyone who comes for their vaccine. AIBU?

OP posts:
viques · 11/12/2021 17:02

@TractorAndHeadphones

They shouldn’t have said it but they’re right. This just proves the effectiveness of non-vaxxed restrictions
Precisely, it’s only when not being vaccinated starts to impinge on their activity that the anti vaxxers , spreaders of rumours, internet surfers, and can’t be arseders realise that actually, yes please they will have that perfectly safe for 99.9 % of the population , free and available vaccine that could both save lives and get us out of this global predicament. I live in an area where only 60% of the population have had their first dose, and that is since they started vaccinating school kids. I am fed up with other people’s ignorance and apathy compromising my health, my life and my freedoms.
shouldistop · 11/12/2021 17:02

@Aprilx

That’s not shaming him. That’s giving your selfish son a few home truths. Sometimes health workers have to do this.

Shaming him would be standing up and shouting across the hall “look at this guy he is only having his vaccination because he wants to go to a concert”.

What rubbish. How did their comments help anyone? He might not go back for his next vaccination now.
ancientgran · 11/12/2021 17:03

[quote amusedbush]@LostForIdeas

I've honestly never seen a nice dentist in my life. My childhood one was a patronising creep who made my skin crawl (asking when I was about 7 if I'd lost another tooth because I'd been kissing boys Envy), the one I saw as an adult when I moved to Edinburgh was a rude cow, then I've had two since moving to Glasgow in 2013 and they've both been cold, dismissive and pretty rude.

I'm guessing being an arsehole is not a prerequisite for dental school so I must just have rotten luck! The dream would be a female dentist who understands ASD but I'm probably hoping for too much.[/quote]
We have a lovely female dentist, my husband was really phobic about seeing a dentist but he actually likes her. If you live in Devon I'll give you her details.

XenoBitch · 11/12/2021 17:03

@Aprilx

That’s not shaming him. That’s giving your selfish son a few home truths. Sometimes health workers have to do this.

Shaming him would be standing up and shouting across the hall “look at this guy he is only having his vaccination because he wants to go to a concert”.

And so his mates now think they will get given grief when they get the jab, so they don't bother going.
Original poster
EmmaGrundyForPM · 11/12/2021 17:03

@Derbee he's not an anti-vaxxer, he has no issues with the safety of the vaccine and has never said anything to suggest otherwise.

OP posts:
amusedbush · 11/12/2021 17:04

@ancientgran

I'm heartened to hear that they exist! I'm willing to travel but I'm in Glasgow so that would be pushing it Grin

shouldistop · 11/12/2021 17:05

@amusedbush my dentist in Milngavie is nice Smile

nokidshere · 11/12/2021 17:06

They should have kept their thoughts to themselves but then he didn't need to be sharing his reasons either.

Such is life 🤷🏼‍♀️

amusedbush · 11/12/2021 17:07

[quote shouldistop]@amusedbush my dentist in Milngavie is nice Smile[/quote]
Ooh, Milngavie is more doable!

So sorry OP, I've derailed your thread Blush I didn't mean to make this The Amusedbush Show!

IncyWincyGrownUp · 11/12/2021 17:08

He is selfish, so why is he surprised that people see him as such?

nettie434 · 11/12/2021 17:08

@chesirecat99

I agree. But I doubt very much that the person who registered him was an HCP and there is a good chance that the person vaccinating him wasn't an HCP either.
I must admit that I wondered that too. I'd expect a HCP to inwardly eye roll but say nothing. However, as this thread shows, HCPs do not always give advice in a way that helps the patient.

In your position, EmmaGrundyForPM (good sentiment by the way), I'd try and emphasise the stress clinic staff will be under as they try to keep up with all the people needing a booster and all the people for whom vaccine passports are the decider in deciding to have the vaccine. The bottom line is that he did the right thing in going. It will make his life easier. It's a shame the staff weren't more encouraging to him.

ilovesooty · 11/12/2021 17:08

My dentist is lovely. She remembers my cats ' names and asks after them.

visitingagain · 11/12/2021 17:09

It depends on your definition of HCP @XenoBitch but you need to undergo medical training to be a vaccinator - you are doing a medical job. I've just looked and it's a Band 3 and you're on the nursing and midwifery bank.

XenoBitch · 11/12/2021 17:09

@IncyWincyGrownUp

He is selfish, so why is he surprised that people see him as such?
What is to be gained by shaming him when he shows up for his vaccine?
Thinkbiglittleone · 11/12/2021 17:10

The problem is though@Thinkbiglittleone by being rude honest they could put some people off going back. As I said upthread if I don't like the way I'm spoken to on Tuesday I'll walk out as I won't be able to cope with their attitude.

That is your choice. But you are only doing yourself and the general public a disservice, not sticking one to them or teaching them anything, you then just appear ridiculous.

shouldistop · 11/12/2021 17:10

@amusedbush allander dental care, he's a man but is very mild, non arrogant and un threatening.

XenoBitch · 11/12/2021 17:11

@visitingagain

It depends on your definition of HCP *@XenoBitch* but you need to undergo medical training to be a vaccinator - you are doing a medical job. I've just looked and it's a Band 3 and you're on the nursing and midwifery bank.
Really? Someone from TOWIE is a vaccinator... are they an HCP? Countless St John Ambulance volunteers have also bee trained up to give the vaccine.. They are not HCPs.

HCP is a protected title.. there are several roles that fall under it.. and they all need university at least. Not a few online videos.

IVbumble · 11/12/2021 17:11

Assuming they were nurses they should be governed by their Code of Conduct now called 'The Code' which states - amongst other things:

  1. Treat people as individuals and uphold their dignity.
  1. Listen to people and respond to their preferences and concerns - & to achieve this they must respect, support and document a person’s right to accept or refuse care and treatment.

I don't see any of that going on with your DS's experience. Sorry OP.

HopefulHetty · 11/12/2021 17:11

Completely counterproductive.
My daughter was told off at A and E once. The person doing it jumped to wrong conclusion about how and why she'd ended up there, quite poorly and in need of medical attention. Been told off myself for asking for pain relief in hospital.
It's the underreported flip side of all the horrible members of the public stories.

amusedbush · 11/12/2021 17:11

@shouldistop thanks so much, I'll get googling now!

Bobsyer · 11/12/2021 17:12

I really have no sympathy for those that decline to have vaccines but don't expect any sort of criticism about that.

This whole attitude that making people feel a negative emotion when they've done a negative thing shouldn't be counterproductive, it's so bloody childish to expect to behave exactly how you want but not to have anyone else have an opinion and god forbid voice that to you!

And so his mates now think they will get given grief when they get the jab, so they don't bother going

What a bunch of absolute children.

I do think for the sake of getting more people to take the vaccine the HCPs should bite their tongues, but I am sick to the back teeth of the prevailing attitudes of today that if it doesn't affect me negatively, then I just don't care, but if you point that out I will get upset.

I hope that all makes sense I've got a bit of a headache and I can't quite word it the way I want to.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 11/12/2021 17:13

@Thinkbiglittleone

The problem is though@Thinkbiglittleone by being rude honest they could put some people off going back. As I said upthread if I don't like the way I'm spoken to on Tuesday I'll walk out as I won't be able to cope with their attitude.

That is your choice. But you are only doing yourself and the general public a disservice, not sticking one to them or teaching them anything, you then just appear ridiculous.

Well that's what comes with having a phobia. You may think it's ridiculous but I don't know how I'll react on the day - if DH isn't allowed to stay with me I won't even get through the door.
HopefulHetty · 11/12/2021 17:13

He'd decided to have it done though.

hotfroth · 11/12/2021 17:13

They were absolutely right to ask him why he hadn't already had the vaccine, because they needed to know whether there was a medical or other reason they needed to take account of.

I dare say that a lot of HCP's have witnessed the deaths, not only of members of the public, but their colleagues, so it is understandable in a way that one of them would lose their rag and comment like that.

They were right though - he is only getting the vaccine for selfish reasons, and not through altruism or for the good of the community at large - or indeed for the good of his own health and that of his family.

Thinkbiglittleone · 11/12/2021 17:14

Well that's what comes with having a phobia. You may think it's ridiculous but I don't know how I'll react on the day - if DH isn't allowed to stay with me I won't even get through the door.

No I accept not having it due to a phobia, not because someone said something true that you couldn't take.