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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think health professionals shouldn't shame people

526 replies

EmmaGrundyForPM · 11/12/2021 14:45

My son did not get a Covid jab. His rationale was that his risk of serious illness was very low even if he contracted it, and that all those who are at high risk have now been jabbed. I don't agree with that argument, and have had all 3 jabs myself, but respect that that is his view. He also suffers from anxiety and panic attacks.

He finally decided to have the vaccine, as he realises that various restrictions might impact on him (Covid passports etc) if he remains unvaccinated. So he went off yo the walk-in centre to get one this morning.

He's just got home fuming. When he presented himself, the person registering him asked him why he hadn't had his jab earlier. Why would that be any of their business? He then went through to the vaccinator who asked the same thing. He did explain that he had changed his mind because he wants to go to concerts and to visit his grandparents abroad. The vaccinator then said "that's a very selfish attitude, you won't have a vaccine to prevent people dying but you will to go on holiday".

Surely Health Professionals ought to be encouraging people to get vaccinated, not shaming them? I've given him grief about not getting vaccinated but I'm his Mum and he lives with us. I volunteer in a vaccine clinic and have always made a point of being really positive towards everyone who comes for their vaccine. AIBU?

OP posts:
IVbumble · 11/12/2021 17:16

@supergloo

I'd be a tad anxious if someone was injecting me with malice.
Grin
Bobsyer · 11/12/2021 17:16

I won't be able to cope with their attitude

what does this even mean? If someone gives me a few home truths, it makes me feel uncomfortable so I'll cut of my nose to spite my face?

Introspection isn't supposed to be a comfortable experience. IMO a lot of people would benefit a lot from some guided introspection with a therapist.

BoredZelda · 11/12/2021 17:16

They were right. The healthcare professionals are getting pretty fed up with dealing with the consequences of people not getting vaccinated

They can think it if they like. I might even agree with it. But they absolutely should not have said it.

They might have a health reason to ask why so long and that’s fine, but beyond that, they should keep their thoughts to themselves. Here is someone coming for the vaccine, that’s what they want people to do. Making comments like this are pointless other than to make themselves feel better.

speakout · 11/12/2021 17:16

Bobsyer

Life is not always so simple.
My DS won't be having his second jab anytime soon.

Thatsplentyjack · 11/12/2021 17:17

It's none of their business and they should not be questioning or passing comment. If I was your sin I would complain.

CovidCorvid · 11/12/2021 17:18

I’m a hcp. I might think it, but I’d never say it. I’d have totally bigged him up for coming.

nellly · 11/12/2021 17:18

I can't believe how many people agree with this. I suppose paramedics can start telling drunk people they're fucking idiots for getting in a state, it's true after all and the truth hurts.
Maybe we can tell fat people they're a burden on society when they've come for medical treatment. We're assure that this is the case and if it's the truth then it's fine apparently.

Drug users, start lecturing them that their poor health is all their own fault; truth hurts shrug

God I hope you lot don't work in health care Grin

Porcupineintherough · 11/12/2021 17:19

YANBU to think that they shouldn't have said it but they are only human and are the ones dealing with the sharp end of the pandemic, so, yeah can see why they think it.

Scarydinosaurs · 11/12/2021 17:19

If you want to change people’s minds making them feel like dicks won’t help.

The vaccinators probably felt satisfaction telling him so - but what good did it do?

I agree with you, even though I would also like to say it, wanting to say something vs what you say being helpful has to be weighed up

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 11/12/2021 17:19

@Bobsyer

I won't be able to cope with their attitude

what does this even mean? If someone gives me a few home truths, it makes me feel uncomfortable so I'll cut of my nose to spite my face?

Introspection isn't supposed to be a comfortable experience. IMO a lot of people would benefit a lot from some guided introspection with a therapist.

I have a needle phobia FFS. It will take every bit of courage I can screw up to even be there so if someone says something to me that makes me feel uncomfortable or that I can't cope I will be off. It's nothing to do with cutting off my nose to spite my face, it's to do with not being able to deal with it.

Do you really think giving a few 'home truths' is going to help someone who is already anxious, or in my case a sobbing mess?

Bobsyer · 11/12/2021 17:20

@Thatsplentyjack it's not a medical professional's business to know if maybe he didn't have the jab before because it was maybe contraindicated? Or you just think that an HCP expressing an opinion should be reprimanded because you wouldn't like your selfishness pointed out?

@speakout why? And please don't come at me with "he fell into a coma with the first one and doctors have recommended he doesn't get the second one" because that is of course not what I and others are talking about.

XenoBitch · 11/12/2021 17:21

@Porcupineintherough

YANBU to think that they shouldn't have said it but they are only human and are the ones dealing with the sharp end of the pandemic, so, yeah can see why they think it.
No, a lot of volunteer vaccinators are not dealing with the "sharp end of the pandemic" at all
IWantMoreStationery · 11/12/2021 17:21

The HCP should have kept their opinions to themselves but then OP you start a thread on here and have ended up with loads more options.

Onemorebaby · 11/12/2021 17:21

I think they have a responsibility to tell him the truth but sometimes the truth hurts. When this happens people call it shaming. I think part of being an adult is taking responsibility and your son has made those decisions and has to take responsibility for them. Whatever his reason for not taking the opportunity to get vaccinated he has to be responsible and hcps have to check people are informed and making an informed decision. She was making sure he understood what he was doing

BoredZelda · 11/12/2021 17:22

That’s giving your selfish son a few home truths. Sometimes health workers have to do this.

But I’m this scenario, it was entirely redundant and not for the benefit of his health in anyway whatsoever.

“Home truths” are often just judgements and these are not what HCPs do. They might have to be honest, eg, that an overweight person needs to lose weight or they will die. They don’t say “well, if you choose to sit on your arse and eat takeaways, you’re just killing yourself”

IWantMoreStationery · 11/12/2021 17:22

Not options OPINIONS

XenoBitch · 11/12/2021 17:22

@Onemorebaby

I think they have a responsibility to tell him the truth but sometimes the truth hurts. When this happens people call it shaming. I think part of being an adult is taking responsibility and your son has made those decisions and has to take responsibility for them. Whatever his reason for not taking the opportunity to get vaccinated he has to be responsible and hcps have to check people are informed and making an informed decision. She was making sure he understood what he was doing
OP's son was there to have the vaccine. What would be achieved by telling him is selfish for leaving it so long? He can't go back in time and have it earlier. So, he gets shamed, tells his mates and they don't get the jab as a result...
Bobsyer · 11/12/2021 17:24

@PinkSparklyPussyCat I didn't think anything, I picked that sentence from someone else's quote and couldn't find who had originally said it.

I was literally asking the question. I apologise, I was literally writing my comment in the two minutes you were writing yours.

SickAndTiredAgain · 11/12/2021 17:25

It’s irritating that so many shunned the vaccine when they were being asked to get it to protect everyone, then rushed to get it when they realised it could mean they’d be able to go to concerts/events/holiday quicker.

Why would that be irritating when that was literally a purpose of those policies.

BoredZelda · 11/12/2021 17:25

I think they have a responsibility to tell him the truth but sometimes the truth hurts.

He was there for his vaccine. What responsibility did they have to advise him of their judgement on his reasons why? What benefit to him has it brought? I would put money on him having heard it before anyway.

yikesanotherbooboo · 11/12/2021 17:25

I would have been encouraging and positive. Of course it is annoying when people choose not to be vaccinated but at least he was coming for the jab . The fact that his motivation is selfish is neither here nor there; that is often the case for young people.
Having said that; an exhausted front line worker giving up their spare time to vaccinate may have lost a little bit of self control and who can blame them?

Thinkbiglittleone · 11/12/2021 17:25

No, a lot of volunteer vaccinators are not dealing with the "sharp end of the pandemic" at all

But their families may have done for the last 18months, they could have lost loved ones ,they may have loved ones still suffering from the fall out of having it.
Or they may just be fed up of the exact people wanting to "get back to normal" and jump on flights are the exact same people not helping to facilitate that by getting vaccinated until they need something......just maybe.

Laiste · 11/12/2021 17:26

He was in there getting the vaccine.

If he was sat in a room with the woman refusing to get one i'd maybe understand her reason for calling him selfish.

lol at the poster saying ''how childish'' about a possible knock on effect across his peer group if he tells them he got a telling off. These are young people. They will be childish. It's the OPs son. Couple of years ago he probably was still legally a child. They will be ''selfish''. They will tell about their experiences. It may well negatively influence another young person.

Crass and stupid of the HCP to misuse their position of trust.

visitingagain · 11/12/2021 17:26

@XenoBitch maybe that's in England- in Scotland you're a band 3.

KittenCatcher · 11/12/2021 17:26

Is he going to have his 2nd jab when its due .

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