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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think health professionals shouldn't shame people

526 replies

EmmaGrundyForPM · 11/12/2021 14:45

My son did not get a Covid jab. His rationale was that his risk of serious illness was very low even if he contracted it, and that all those who are at high risk have now been jabbed. I don't agree with that argument, and have had all 3 jabs myself, but respect that that is his view. He also suffers from anxiety and panic attacks.

He finally decided to have the vaccine, as he realises that various restrictions might impact on him (Covid passports etc) if he remains unvaccinated. So he went off yo the walk-in centre to get one this morning.

He's just got home fuming. When he presented himself, the person registering him asked him why he hadn't had his jab earlier. Why would that be any of their business? He then went through to the vaccinator who asked the same thing. He did explain that he had changed his mind because he wants to go to concerts and to visit his grandparents abroad. The vaccinator then said "that's a very selfish attitude, you won't have a vaccine to prevent people dying but you will to go on holiday".

Surely Health Professionals ought to be encouraging people to get vaccinated, not shaming them? I've given him grief about not getting vaccinated but I'm his Mum and he lives with us. I volunteer in a vaccine clinic and have always made a point of being really positive towards everyone who comes for their vaccine. AIBU?

OP posts:
Lovelymincepies · 11/12/2021 16:53

Maybe it was said in a very tongue in cheek and jokey way??

visitingagain · 11/12/2021 16:53

@Tal45

It's the truth but we want people to get vaccinated and this sort of story could put others off getting their jab if they hear it and could put him off getting his second. We really need to support people when they make the right choice whatever the reason.
I would be extremely surprised if this actually happened. I've just been for my booster and staff actually encouraged people to call their friends to come down after the clinic to use up the left over vaccines.
IamGusFring · 11/12/2021 16:53

I've given him grief about not getting vaccinated but I'm his Mum and he lives with us - yes but he goes outside and mixes with everyone else .

supergloo · 11/12/2021 16:54

Any decent HCP would know better. I have seen enough patients in my 27 years to know that you never know what is going on in the background in a patient's life, the "point of contact" is quite an anxious experience for many and that "point of contact" is the patient's step towards you and should be treated as such.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 11/12/2021 16:54

What did he expect? A gold star sticker, a pat on the head and a biscuit?

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 11/12/2021 16:54

The problem is though@Thinkbiglittleone by being rude honest they could put some people off going back. As I said upthread if I don't like the way I'm spoken to on Tuesday I'll walk out as I won't be able to cope with their attitude.

Original poster
EmmaGrundyForPM · 11/12/2021 16:55

@NeverDropYourMooncup

What did he expect? A gold star sticker, a pat on the head and a biscuit?
probably! Grin
OP posts:
takemetomars · 11/12/2021 16:56

Most vaccinators aren't health care professionals

visitingagain · 11/12/2021 16:57

@takemetomars being a vaccinator counts as being a HCP

shouldistop · 11/12/2021 16:57

@NeverDropYourMooncup

What did he expect? A gold star sticker, a pat on the head and a biscuit?
He probably didn't expect personal comments and for the vaccinator just to get on with their job.
XenoBitch · 11/12/2021 16:58

There isn’t really a difference. It’s a bunch of people who mistrust medical advice and trust their own “research” more. They also base most of their opinions on anecdotal stories of my friend’s neighbour’s son’s teacher’s uncle got sick, and it was most likely due to the vaccine

“Vaccine hesitant” is as kind as I will be towards the new sub group of antivaxers

Needle phobic here (and I know PinkSparklyPussyCat is one too)
The reason I am not vaccinated has nothing to do with "trusting my own research", or listening to other people's anecdotes.
It is a real and visceral reaction to being injected.
I have read up to 10% of people who are so far unvaccinated is due to needle phobia.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 11/12/2021 16:58

There isn’t really a difference. It’s a bunch of people who mistrust medical advice and trust their own “research” more. They also base most of their opinions on anecdotal stories of my friend’s neighbour’s son’s teacher’s uncle got sick, and it was most likely due to the vaccine.

“Vaccine hesitant” is as kind as I will be towards the new sub group of antivaxers

Rubbish. Yes some will be anti vaxxers but not all. Where do those of us with a needle phobia fit in? I don't care about what I've read about that actual vaccine, I'm terrified of the needle. Doesn't make me anti vaxxer though.

ilovesooty · 11/12/2021 16:59

@chesirecat99

I agree. But I doubt very much that the person who registered him was an HCP and there is a good chance that the person vaccinating him wasn't an HCP either.
Either that or the first question was as he said (and someone has explained why he might have been asked ) and the rest of the conversation has been exaggerated because he took umbrage when he was questioned.

And even if the previously wilfully unvaccinated start coming forward today it will be months before they're fully protected.

XenoBitch · 11/12/2021 16:59

[quote visitingagain]@takemetomars being a vaccinator counts as being a HCP[/quote]
No, it does not.

Kanaloa · 11/12/2021 16:59

To be honest I do agree with what they’ve said. It’s irritating that so many shunned the vaccine when they were being asked to get it to protect everyone, then rushed to get it when they realised it could mean they’d be able to go to concerts/events/holiday quicker. Especially if they were the type who loved to rant about how it wasn’t safe before, but now they can go on holiday it’s safe suddenly.

However, they shouldn’t have said anything - it’s not the place or time to state your opinions on how selfish or stupid someone is being. You can be right and be quiet.

Apiddleawiddle · 11/12/2021 17:00

I have been shamed by hcps for my weight, for smoking, because they are all burdens that land on them in the end up. The truth hurts sometimes. I know it hurt me but it's then up to me to decide if I can burden the hurt and carry on doing what I do or make a change.

Chloemol · 11/12/2021 17:00

Yes you are being unreasonable. There is no medical reason he can’t have the jab, and he is only doing it for his own selfish reasons

He can be as bad as he likes but the truth hurts

How do you know that HP hadn’t seen lots due of covid last year? How do you know they haven’t had family members due? And then your selfish muppet of a child says he is only getting the jab so he can continue to socialise

EllaVaNight · 11/12/2021 17:00

We're not fed up. We're burnt out. A burn out which could have been at least lessened if people like your son had been less selfish. Maybe they should have held their tongue, but after you're as beaten as we are, you just give up. He didn't care about hcp or those at risk, so why are we expected to care about his wee little selfish feelings You need to take sick leave if you are so burnt out that you think it's acceptable to "just give up" and speak to people this way.

Carers are tired too but no way would I think it was ok to provide less than excellent, kind care.

purdypuma · 11/12/2021 17:00

It's not up to a HCP or volunteer to pass any kind of judgement as to why a person is having their vaccination late & their reasons as to why. Also very unprofessional behaviour.
Its one thing to have an opinion but another to speak it out loud.
In your sons case (&that of many others) I would regard it as a case of "better late than never"

amusedbush · 11/12/2021 17:00

@LostForIdeas

I've honestly never seen a nice dentist in my life. My childhood one was a patronising creep who made my skin crawl (asking when I was about 7 if I'd lost another tooth because I'd been kissing boys Envy), the one I saw as an adult when I moved to Edinburgh was a rude cow, then I've had two since moving to Glasgow in 2013 and they've both been cold, dismissive and pretty rude.

I'm guessing being an arsehole is not a prerequisite for dental school so I must just have rotten luck! The dream would be a female dentist who understands ASD but I'm probably hoping for too much.

Chloemol · 11/12/2021 17:00

Mad not bad

supergloo · 11/12/2021 17:01

@Apiddleawiddle

I have been shamed by hcps for my weight, for smoking, because they are all burdens that land on them in the end up. The truth hurts sometimes. I know it hurt me but it's then up to me to decide if I can burden the hurt and carry on doing what I do or make a change.
There is evidence to suggest that fat shaming is actually detrimental, and does not result in positive weight change.
Aprilx · 11/12/2021 17:01

That’s not shaming him. That’s giving your selfish son a few home truths. Sometimes health workers have to do this.

Shaming him would be standing up and shouting across the hall “look at this guy he is only having his vaccination because he wants to go to a concert”.

ancientgran · 11/12/2021 17:01

So if he goes off and tells a couple of mates and they tell a couple of mates and so on we could end up with a lot of young men deciding not to bother if they are just going to get a lecture and that isn't helping anyone.

Sirzy · 11/12/2021 17:01

Telling people they are wrong is highly unlikely to change anyones minds. Those who are worried for whatever reason need to have those worries listened for and be able to discuss them rationally for there to be any chance of helping. If people have a needle phobia then we should be looking how to help support people to overcome that.

Judgement isn’t going to change any one’s views

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