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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think health professionals shouldn't shame people

526 replies

EmmaGrundyForPM · 11/12/2021 14:45

My son did not get a Covid jab. His rationale was that his risk of serious illness was very low even if he contracted it, and that all those who are at high risk have now been jabbed. I don't agree with that argument, and have had all 3 jabs myself, but respect that that is his view. He also suffers from anxiety and panic attacks.

He finally decided to have the vaccine, as he realises that various restrictions might impact on him (Covid passports etc) if he remains unvaccinated. So he went off yo the walk-in centre to get one this morning.

He's just got home fuming. When he presented himself, the person registering him asked him why he hadn't had his jab earlier. Why would that be any of their business? He then went through to the vaccinator who asked the same thing. He did explain that he had changed his mind because he wants to go to concerts and to visit his grandparents abroad. The vaccinator then said "that's a very selfish attitude, you won't have a vaccine to prevent people dying but you will to go on holiday".

Surely Health Professionals ought to be encouraging people to get vaccinated, not shaming them? I've given him grief about not getting vaccinated but I'm his Mum and he lives with us. I volunteer in a vaccine clinic and have always made a point of being really positive towards everyone who comes for their vaccine. AIBU?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 11/12/2021 18:02

Turning around and leaving may seem childish. But as someone who has severe anxiety I can fully see why it would make someone feel like that. Fear of judgement is a big issue! (Fully vaxxed and boosted)

JinglingHellsBells · 11/12/2021 18:07

I have a severe needle phobia, so even showing up to queuing would be massive.If I was shamed, it would undo all the work I had to do to even get the the centre

@XenoBitch You didn't mention that in your post. Your comment came over very differently to it. If you had said you had a phobia (which I understand as a friend of mine has it too.)

PleasantBirthday · 11/12/2021 18:15

I don't think saying it was necessarily professional or productiv, but if someone said that they weren't vaccinated before because of anxiety and now that they want to travel and go to concerts, they can deal with the anxiety just fine, I think you'd have to be a saint to not say something.

andtherewere2 · 11/12/2021 18:21

The HCP and receptionist saying that to him is unwise

He's there for a vaccine so it isn't the time to lecture

I get they may need to check why not before in case he was previously advised not to sue to health reason , but a HCP calling him selfish isn't helpful

I disagree with your DS as do you, however we all have right up body autonomy and weigh up risks so I respect his right to to decide whether to consent to have vaccine or not

Next time just tell him to say he "was worried about his health, but has weighed it up and decided to have it asap now."

Jacketpotato84 · 11/12/2021 18:21

YANBU
The point is he chose to get his jab and the staff could have prevented him getting the vacinne by expressing their personal opinions on to him. Critaising his thought process and reasons for it!
I'd be inclined to mention to them how he suffers with anxiety and they don't know how difficult it was for him to go there today and to be spoke to like that was out of order.

TisTheSeasonToBeVegan · 11/12/2021 18:21

You didn't mention that in your post. Your comment came over very differently to it. If you had said you had a phobia (which I understand as a friend of mine has it too.)

Maybe this shows you shouldn’t be so quick to judge.

andtherewere2 · 11/12/2021 18:21

*due to not sue to Shock

SickAndTiredAgain · 11/12/2021 18:30

I think you'd have to be a saint to not say something.

Really? To just keep a polite silence? People do it all the time.

Original poster
EmmaGrundyForPM · 11/12/2021 18:31

@PleasantBirthday

I don't think saying it was necessarily professional or productiv, but if someone said that they weren't vaccinated before because of anxiety and now that they want to travel and go to concerts, they can deal with the anxiety just fine, I think you'd have to be a saint to not say something.
That's a fair point. I don't think he said HD hadn't been jabbed before because of anxiety, but will need to check with him.
OP posts:
JinglingHellsBells · 11/12/2021 18:38

@TisTheSeasonToBeVegan

You didn't mention that in your post. Your comment came over very differently to it. If you had said you had a phobia (which I understand as a friend of mine has it too.)

Maybe this shows you shouldn’t be so quick to judge.

@TisTheSeasonToBeVegan Nope.

Maybe posters should be more accurate with what they write.
Maybe they should realise other posters are not mind readers.

The post by @XenoBitch gave no clue AT ALL she had a needle phobia. Her post was very flouncy.

How on earth was anyone to understand she had a phobia?

readwhatiactuallysay · 11/12/2021 18:41

As others have said unless you have some kind of genuine reason (and make that know during the discussion🙄), of course people will think you selfish for opting out of trying to protect society and move on from this.

Yes the person was correct in her statement to your son, was she right to voice it to him, maybe, i do know as his mother i would be glad they reinforced what i had been telling him, not trying to complain about the volunteers giving up their time to help or the NHs staff who have got us through this.

Its great yours sons anxiety subsided enough for him to be jabbed for his concert.

XenoBitch · 11/12/2021 18:44

@JinglingHellsBells

My phobia does not matter really. If someone is turning up for their 1st vaccine now, they should not get shitty judgemental comments from the person holding the needle.
It can put them off getting the next one.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 11/12/2021 18:49

Its great yours sons anxiety subsided enough for him to be jabbed for his concert.

Sometimes the thought of a reward can help a little bit. I promised myself a new watch if I could get through my first two vaccines. Obviously it didn't make it easy but I can look at the watch now and think 'yes, I did it'.

Despite what some people think it doesn't make it any easier for the booster unfortunately, I'm going through the same panic as I did before.

TisTheSeasonToBeVegan · 11/12/2021 18:51

JinglingHellsBells

The point is, it’s none of your business. Medical professionals shouldn’t be shaming people. They are there to carry out their job, that’s all. It is not up to you or any vaccinator to decide whether a persons reason is valid. People are allowed to choose not to be vaccinated or to change their mind and go and get vaccinated at any time, for any reason.
You have decided to be understanding about Xenos phobia, I’ve seen other people on MN to tell her to deal with it and just get vaccinated. This is why medical professionals should pass no judgement, what is a valid reason to one person isn’t to another.

user1471447924 · 11/12/2021 18:53

TBF they’re not wrong.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 11/12/2021 18:57

You have decided to be understanding about Xenos phobia, I’ve seen other people on MN to tell her to deal with it and just get vaccinated. This is why medical professionals should pass no judgement, what is a valid reason to one person isn’t to another.

I've been told that whether I'm entitled to understanding depends on how much I've tried to overcome my phobia. Be kind doesn't seem to apply to us needlephobes unfortunately

Grenlei · 11/12/2021 18:57

YANBU. It's none of their business why he wasn't vaccinated sooner. The staff should get on and do the job they're meant to be doing and spare others the ridiculous sanctimony and guilt tripping.

EmmaWoodhousestreehouse · 11/12/2021 18:59

I agree with the health care worker. He was selfish. Only acted when he thought it would impact on him. Happy to be unvaccinated and risk infecting others.

XenoBitch · 11/12/2021 19:01

@EmmaWoodhousestreehouse

I agree with the health care worker. He was selfish. Only acted when he thought it would impact on him. Happy to be unvaccinated and risk infecting others.
Agree with the health care worker thinking what they did, or telling their patient how selfish they were?
EricCartmansUnderpants · 11/12/2021 19:01

I'm sure most people who get vaccinated do it for themselves. I did it for myself and my family. That's it. No one else.

LostinNovember · 11/12/2021 19:02

I was a few weeks late getting my 2nd jab.

When I turned up at the clinic, the staff member administering the vaccine started to berate me for waiting too long between jabs, asking why I didn't give my appointment more importance etc.

I looked at them, shocked, and said that at the time my 2nd jab was originally booked for I had had a 7 week ectopic pregnancy that required me to be hospitalised and then whilst in hospital I tested positive for covid and had to come home and spend 10 days in isolation whilst recovering from my treatment of the ectopic, which was horrific and upsetting.

They didn't say much after that.

Whilst I understand HCPs frustration, it's better for us all when people do get vaccinated, however late. So it's counter productive to make them feel like shit. It doesn't matter what their personal reason is (which they might keep hidden!), they have turned up, they are there and that benefits us all in the end.

EricCartmansUnderpants · 11/12/2021 19:03

And in my job, despite what I think about the people that I meet everyday, I find it reasonably easy to refrain from telling them what I actually think of them. Not that difficult at all.

Tabbacus · 11/12/2021 19:03

@EmmaWoodhousestreehouse

I agree with the health care worker. He was selfish. Only acted when he thought it would impact on him. Happy to be unvaccinated and risk infecting others.
Who cares though, the end result is the same.
twelly · 11/12/2021 19:05

It does not matter if you agree with what the health care worker said they should not have said it

bg92 · 11/12/2021 19:08

This whole thread is hilarious.
Do some of you realise you sound just like you're repeating what you hear on the news?

Whatever happened to freedom of choice. It isn't compulsory?!

Swipe left for the next trending thread