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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think health professionals shouldn't shame people

526 replies

EmmaGrundyForPM · 11/12/2021 14:45

My son did not get a Covid jab. His rationale was that his risk of serious illness was very low even if he contracted it, and that all those who are at high risk have now been jabbed. I don't agree with that argument, and have had all 3 jabs myself, but respect that that is his view. He also suffers from anxiety and panic attacks.

He finally decided to have the vaccine, as he realises that various restrictions might impact on him (Covid passports etc) if he remains unvaccinated. So he went off yo the walk-in centre to get one this morning.

He's just got home fuming. When he presented himself, the person registering him asked him why he hadn't had his jab earlier. Why would that be any of their business? He then went through to the vaccinator who asked the same thing. He did explain that he had changed his mind because he wants to go to concerts and to visit his grandparents abroad. The vaccinator then said "that's a very selfish attitude, you won't have a vaccine to prevent people dying but you will to go on holiday".

Surely Health Professionals ought to be encouraging people to get vaccinated, not shaming them? I've given him grief about not getting vaccinated but I'm his Mum and he lives with us. I volunteer in a vaccine clinic and have always made a point of being really positive towards everyone who comes for their vaccine. AIBU?

OP posts:
kowari · 11/12/2021 17:26

And so his mates now think they will get given grief when they get the jab, so they don't bother going.
Or he'll tell his mates and one of them will tell the rest that you don't actually need the jab anyway, just a negative test before the event.

TuftyMarmoset · 11/12/2021 17:26

I don’t see how asking him that equates to shaming actually. There could have been a medical reason as to why he hadn’t had it until now and it would be important for them to know about that. It’s a really sensible medical question.

BoredZelda · 11/12/2021 17:26

No, a lot of volunteer vaccinators are not dealing with the "sharp end of the pandemic" at all

My first was done by a retired dentist, my second by a vet. Not sure they’ve been at “the sharp end” 😆

Thatsplentyjack · 11/12/2021 17:27

it's not a medical professional's business to know if maybe he didn't have the jab before because it was maybe contraindicated? Or you just think that an HCP expressing an opinion should be reprimanded because you wouldn't like your selfishness pointed out?

They can ask for medical purposes but when they get they answer they absolutely should not be passing judgement. They can think whatever they like.

EricCartmansUnderpants · 11/12/2021 17:28

That’s giving your selfish son a few home truths. Sometimes health workers have to do this.

Not in this case they didn't. Sounds like an opportunity to be rude and sanctimonious to me. The son was already there to have the vaccine. The hcps comments served no purpose, apart from using the son as an outlet to be rude. Pointless. And unprofessional.

notanothertakeaway · 11/12/2021 17:28

They were right, he was selfish

They shouldn't gave criticised him, that's unprofessional, but I guess they're tearing their hair out after the last 18 months

speakout · 11/12/2021 17:28

*nellly
I can't believe how many people agree with this. I suppose paramedics can start telling drunk people they're fucking idiots for getting in a state, it's true after all and the truth hurts.
Maybe we can tell fat people they're a burden on society when they've come for medical treatment. We're assure that this is the case and if it's the truth then it's fine apparently.

Drug users, start lecturing them that their poor health is all their own fault; truth hurts shrug
*

I agree.
So people breaking bones in skiing accidents should be lectured, smokers or people with bad diets need condemnation, people with substance abuse problems need to be told to get over it- where does that stop? People with mental health issues, chaotic lives, overwhelmed carers, people atthe hands of domestic abuse, homeless- have we no compassion?
It is lazy to assume that all the unvaccinated are ego centric individuals who don't care or ardent anti vaccers.

No lectures or stern truths will help many people not taking up vaccines.

Wavypurple · 11/12/2021 17:29

I find it really hard to believe they said that to him, sorry.

PinkSparklyPussyCat · 11/12/2021 17:30

[quote Bobsyer]@PinkSparklyPussyCat I didn't think anything, I picked that sentence from someone else's quote and couldn't find who had originally said it.

I was literally asking the question. I apologise, I was literally writing my comment in the two minutes you were writing yours.[/quote]
Apologies @Bobsyer, we obviously crossed.

Sorry for getting snippy, some of the comments about people with phobias have been pretty unpleasant and I've taken a lot of it to heart (my brain doesn't work rationally when it comes to needles!)

white66 · 11/12/2021 17:31

I am an NHS nurse who has worked on a covid ward for over 18 months, when I have a weekend off I volunteer at my local vaccine centre- I would 100% ask your son why he was late but only so I can check there isn’t a reason that I need to be aware of (worried about allergies/blood clots/needle phobic etc) so that I can adapt what I do to ease that if needed.
I believe the main aim is to get vaccines into people, how, when and why they turn up is irrelevant!

KittenCatcher · 11/12/2021 17:33

Unless I actually heard a vacinnator say this I would not take sides or pass judgement.

Original poster
EmmaGrundyForPM · 11/12/2021 17:33

@IWantMoreStationery

The HCP should have kept their opinions to themselves but then OP you start a thread on here and have ended up with loads more options.
My opinion has always been he's an idiot for not getting vaccinated and I've told him so many times. But I wasn't asking if people thought he was being stupid in selfish, I'm asking if it's unreasonable to think that when he finally decides to get the vaccine, its unprofessional of the vaccinator to call him selfish, even if they think he is.
OP posts:
XenoBitch · 11/12/2021 17:33

@white66

I am an NHS nurse who has worked on a covid ward for over 18 months, when I have a weekend off I volunteer at my local vaccine centre- I would 100% ask your son why he was late but only so I can check there isn’t a reason that I need to be aware of (worried about allergies/blood clots/needle phobic etc) so that I can adapt what I do to ease that if needed. I believe the main aim is to get vaccines into people, how, when and why they turn up is irrelevant!
That is 100% understandable.. but OP's son got told he was selfish for leaving his 1st jab so long.
Softkitty101 · 11/12/2021 17:33

I have been running a local vaccination centre for the last 12 months (in addition to another full time job) the vaxxer comment was unnecessary (but knackered staff have less finely tuned filters)

I'm honestly interested (and always ask) whenever someone comes in for a first or a hugely overdue 2nd as I can learn from their motivation what will get more through the door

Bunnyfuller · 11/12/2021 17:33

Someone needs to tell him.

fakereview · 11/12/2021 17:33

The healthcare professionals are getting pretty fed up with dealing with the consequences of people not getting vaccinated

The vaccinators are vaccinators, they are not working in ICUs.

And as I said further up the thread, many healthcare professionals are not vaccinated themselves.

Missey85 · 11/12/2021 17:34

Well they were right! He won't get it for his health but he'll get it for a holiday of course people like that are annoying and yes selfish!

SpindlesAdventWhirl · 11/12/2021 17:34

@Wavypurple

I find it really hard to believe they said that to him, sorry.
Exactly.

But it all makes for a good story to put people off going.

Ontheblink · 11/12/2021 17:34

Mmmm your son was very nice. I would have told her where to go. People need to start minding there own business when it involves someone else’s body??

Pixxie7 · 11/12/2021 17:34

They may not of been health care professionals but volunteers.

fakereview · 11/12/2021 17:35

@Bunnyfuller

Someone needs to tell him.
Someone needs to tell him what?

Do you want to tell me off too because I was vaccinated on schedule for "selfish" reasons (like most of the population despite what the virtue signallers claim).

mam0918 · 11/12/2021 17:36

@Magenta82

If I was hi I'd have told them to piss off and walked out. He was there he was getting jabbed, what more do they want? There was really no need for the guilt trip and it doesn't help anyone
but he wouldn't walk out would he because he would lose out... that's the ENTIRE point of the comment.

He's only there for purely selfish reasons now he realised it might affect him, to walk out wouldn't stick it to anyone else just cut his own nose off but he didn't like being reminded of the fact that he is purely doing it for immature and selfish reasons.

Just as Racist needs to be called on racism, Homophobes on homophobia and Sexist on sexism so to do narcissists need to be called on their behavior too.

fakereview · 11/12/2021 17:36

@Pixxie7

They may not of been health care professionals but volunteers.
They are acting in a healthcare professional capacity. Not sure the people giving the jabs are volunteers anyway - the ushers etc may be, depending on the centre.

If vaccination is for the common good, does it matter what peoples' personal motivations are?

JinglingHellsBells · 11/12/2021 17:36

But I wasn't asking if people thought he was being stupid in selfish, I'm asking if it's unreasonable to think that when he finally decides to get the vaccine, its unprofessional of the vaccinator to call him selfish, even if they think he is.

I think it was unprofessional BUT people are at the end of their tether with the spread of the virus by those unvaccinated. Maybe they were wrong but in some ways it's good he had to face the opinions of people other than his mum.

The risks to younger people are minimal but they then pass it onto their parents, who may pass it on to grandparents, who then may need hospital and/ or die.

fakereview · 11/12/2021 17:37

Just as Racist needs to be called on racism, Homophobes on homophobia and Sexist on sexism so to do narcissists need to be called on their behavior too

Are you really equating not wanting to be vaccinated (or only being vaccinated for your own benefit) with being sexist or racist? Every so often there is a comment on MN that really takes my breath away.