To think she's an embarassment to herself and being horrid to me?

[LolaTheShowgirl]

My mum is married to a foreign man who is ok mostly but doesn't help in any way at all, it's like that with the majority of men in his culture so she does everything for him, which he still slates her for calling her lazy and a bad wife.

That's not really what i'm ranting about today though. She's having a few relatives over tonight for dinner and cooking a dish that is native to her husbands country. She left the house in a tip last night but this morning she's blaming me for it and rushing around stressing that she won't be tidy and have dinner ready for tonight. We're not posh...it's just 2 relatives coming for dinner as I said! As i'm on a diet it's quite important I eat breakfast so I was preparing my eggs and bacon and shrooms and she totally went off on one that I was messing up more....omg, the kitchen was already a state so I put everything away and settled on quavers(!!!) just to keep the peace! For breakfast...they're disgusting!

I knew she was stressing so before I did anything I cleaned up her messy kitchen from last night and hoovered all downstairs for her and she's even having the cheek to send me out to asda for her cookery stuff later, even after her outburst. The best thing is I won't be having any dinner as I have mine at set times and can no way have what they're having!!! So, that's the first part of it...still following?

So everytime we have relatives she puts on this huge show of how brilliant a wife she is to ethnic husband, how she slaves over him etc etc and I feel embarassed for her because it's all give, give, give and a real man wouldn't sit there while the wife does everything, would they? I can't really describe how more embarassing she is to herself, but anyway, i'm planning a sweet escape tonight going 'to a weight watchers meeting' when really i'll be in the library on here no doubt! I HATE my family, they only come around when they want something then the rest of the time you don't hear from them for 6 months!

Lola I dont know all your circumstances but if I was you I would definately move out and get your independence, make it your new years resolution. I think you will find you get on far better with your mum when you do this.

How your mum chooses to live her life and behave in her home is entirely up to her. You dont say if she is happy doing everything for her husband, my mum does everything for her husband and is very happy to do this despite working nearly full time.

you were / are fairyonthechristmastree aren;t you??????

or you have the same life !

just MOVE OUT

TAKE CONTROL

STOP WHINGING

you cannot change these people, you can only change the way you react or your own circumstances

it is most unlike me to shout or be unsympathetic, but this has been going on way toooooo loooooong

and quavers for breakfast... how much longer does it take to pour milk onto cereal

am loathe to say get a grip, but i can feel it trying to break free

You need to look up a room in a houseshare. Try Gumtree for this. You need to move out, Lola, this is not a healthy way for you to live your life. Get a job, if you don't already have one, and get out. It will all seem so much easier to live with when you don't actually have to live with it.

Blimey Camilla, never seen you shout either!

I would listen if I were you Lola. The chicken is coming to get you......

sqwaaaark!!!!

i hate shouting, now i feel all sad inside

really, lola, you are in a very good position - you have no children and are literate enough to get a job in care work or something - this is more than can be said for a lot of people. I feel for you dreadfully, but you need to help yourself, because nobody will help you as well as you can.

[http://www.gumtree.com/london/06/17202406.html]]

www.gumtree.com/london/06/17202406.html

I have not seen your other threads but how old are you? I think if you asked people for genuine advice or sympathy you would get tons. It is not fair to go on the internet and complain about somebody who gives you a roof over your head. Also I am on slimming world and have bacon and eggs for breakfast most days, fills you up for loonger and makes you feel less deprived (just a word in your defence).

Maybe he is worth it and hung like a horse. There are other things in life than whether he does the pots or not.
ps. I personnally wouldn't put up with laziness myself, hung like a horse or not.

FairyLolaTreeGirlShow - it is time to move on out and move on up, lovey.

Living with your mother and her husband sounds so hard and unpleasant.

I remember rambling on for ages on your thread about the holiday. And that was ages ago, and you are still enduring the same situation.

What do you want to do with your life?

Maybe if you made a list of New Year resolutions, that might help to focus you a bit?

Thanks so much for all your posts. Camilla, don't worry about you shouting, I need a good slap! Are you lulumama BTW?

There are more things to think about in life. After the job fell through I was ok for a while and got on very well with them both but the littlest, narkiest things irk me about them both. Never no one else. I'm the most laid back person in the whole world, got on really well with all my nanny families i've lived with. Perhaps, just perhaps i'm jealous that my mum has been "taken away" after all my childhood exclusively belonging to me because she rarely had a partner. I am also jealous that I have no one in RL to talk to, lost my 2 best-f's and she spends all her time, money and resources on the husband and IL's. I suppose i'm really overprotective of her because of that but she pushes me away (quite rightly) because she's an adult and can choose whether to put up with a lazy DH and just because I don't like some things about him and really detest him at times, it's my mums life and I should butt out and get myself diverted to something else. I think part of it too is being depressed and ashamed living off the state even though I spend 2 hours jobsearch everyday!

Regarding the house search, it is so difficult with the council and private don't always take DSS but I will look into a houseshare even if it means moving to the big city. I definately want to spread my wings and get some independence. It would be fabulous living with people my own age then with my mum and step-father it would be out of sight, out of mind. Thanks so much for the links Colditz!

Thanks again for your replies. Feel so much more positive now!

Humphrey, thanks for your post and all your patience since this has gone on I am stuck in a rut and finding it so difficult to get out of it, especially since the job let me down, I just thought, "why bother?". Now I still really want to work nannying abroad so might have another go at applying or I'd love to train as a midwife or health visitor but again, it's so difficult to get out of this rut but i'm going to try my hardest. You lot have shocked me into making my life better by your being harsh in the possibly nicest way so I do appreciate you all!

If you are who I recall then didn't you actually post from Turkey (?) bemoaning your lot as soon as you got there , yet you now say the job fell through . Weren't you only working temporarily before that so you didn't exactly give that up and before that you were miserable anyway. You obviously aren't going to change the situation with your mother/her dh , think it is time ot accept that and try to move on, look into another job , flat share etc. Sorry to sound harsh.

i am lulu !

look, you are young, no dependents, the world in front of you, you can do anything you want! put your mind to it, you have goals, you can reach them

but not whilst you are obsesssing about your mum and her DH

c'mon, stay with the positive stuff you have just posted x

am i only one that weight watchers have thier own bacon???

Er, of course you are always going to be "the last considered" for a council property - you are single with no kids! And you have a roof over your head.