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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Collection for the boss... inappropriate?

294 replies

Littlejuice · 09/12/2021 06:30

Always, always buy my whole team Xmas gifts. Just a bottle of wine or something but to say thanks.

As a senior manager however, and in my view well paid despite long hours, I do not expect or wish to receive one (public sector)

We've had a new director for TWO MONTHS who has recruited one of his previous employees into team, this month. Email from new starter yesterday sharing his Bacs details to all the staff (many of whom on a quarter of the director salary) saying it's nice if we do a bit of Xmas appreciation and collect for the boss...

I have contributed and said to my team I'll put their shares in as team contribution as I am so conscious many of them struggling - but isn't this just really not recognising the situation of some people? Dear people on 20k please donate to buy someone on 120k a gift?

OP posts:
LemonCake79 · 09/12/2021 07:45

YANBU. It's inappropriate, surely the boss can see that even if the assistant can't?

As a group of reports we do club together to get our DD something but as I say we are direct reports, it doesn't go wider than that. He's a good guy, we like getting him something. There are 900 in our directorate though, the idea of asking everyone to contribute is horrifying. It would never happen.

You need to say something OP.

Eleganz · 09/12/2021 07:46

@LethargicActress

As a senior manager shouldn’t you be able to tell new starter not to do that again?
The new starter was employed directly by the Director so I expect they are either senior themselves or unlikely to do the bidding of a less senior manager than their direct boss.

My view is the OP should have made the point that this request is having a negative impact on morale at this time and the senior leadership team need to be considerate of their staff's circumstances rather than asking them to contribute to Christmas presents for them. Sometimes being the pain in the arse is what is needed, especially when dealing with directors who can live in a bit of a bubble.

Bagamoyo1 · 09/12/2021 07:47

That’s just wrong OP.
And if I was the senior person receiving a gift I’d feel embarrassed.

shenanigans5 · 09/12/2021 07:47

I agree that you saying a quiet word is the best thing. I’m a middle manager and have needed to do this in the past and it’s actually strengthen my relationships and reputation (I think).

MrsToothyBitch · 09/12/2021 07:47

DPs company only once had a "suggested donation" to the xmas kitty for gifts for the boss. It was surprisingly empty so not repeated.

chatw0o0 · 09/12/2021 07:48

well, it's now clear why the newbie was brought along by the new boss!

Grin
AuntieDolly · 09/12/2021 07:48

Absolutely no way would I be donating to that!

RockinHorseShit · 09/12/2021 07:50

Why didn't you just say no, that's not the protocol with this company & most staff finances are such that it would be a very poor show to expect it of them

I've been in a similar situation & just said no, Confused

C8H10N4O2 · 09/12/2021 07:50

Just to be clear - a senior manager's personal bank account details were provided with an instruction to staff to supply cash for the director?

Why on earth would anyone give them money? I can think of quite a few organisations where this would not even be allowed.

Sunshine1235 · 09/12/2021 07:51

That’s awful! Could you approach it by going to the boss himself and playing innocent ‘I don’t know if you’re aware but really awkwardly x employee has done this and it’s obviously really inappropriate, what shall we do?’

Totalwasteofpaper · 09/12/2021 07:52

What a little toad new hire is.

It crushingly insensitive especially given the fuel crisis.
I came on to recommend ask a manager.

I would be inclined to speak directly to your boss from a staff morale angle and say it potentially damaging given how optically shit it looks on him to accept this stuff Shock

Welcometothejingles · 09/12/2021 07:52

Quiet word with HR for the new recruit, you need to nip this in the bud now. Often when bosses bring in staff from old jobs, is that they transfer their previous working habits to the new environment. This new recruit needs to be coached in the values of your organisation now before they start spreading more inappropriate habits.

ifonly4 · 09/12/2021 07:53

If I really wanted to buy someone a gift myself, I'd do it myself.

RampantIvy · 09/12/2021 07:53

Why didn't you just contribute what you wanted to contribute. If your team don't want to contribute then they don't. End of.

CastleCrasher · 09/12/2021 07:54

As a senior manager I would be mortified if my teams did this. Is the manager himself sensible? If it's just toady who has this view I'd be inclined to have a quiet word with the manager to tip them off that there's a collection in their name so they can politely decline it in advance and ask that any collection goes to charity. That will make it clear to all that this isn't appropriate.

Beautiful3 · 09/12/2021 07:54

I would have let him receive feedback from your team. E.g. sorry but i don't have enough money left over, as I only earn £20,000. If he receives enough of these kind of emails, he should get the idea!

Aprilx · 09/12/2021 07:55

Not something I have ever seen before. Though I once worked (very briefly) for a new start up around Christmas time, it was an offshoot of a big corporate and they were getting lots of expensive gifts like crates of wine, well the most senior people were dividing it up amongst themselves in front of everyone. I thought that was distasteful.

Anyway OP, I do not know why as a senior manager you didn’t say something and refuse, that would have been better than putting your teams share in.

AbsolutelyFuckinFabulousDarlin · 09/12/2021 07:56

I understand why you did it but basically you've said it OK because you've stumped up
The receiver won't know you paid on everyone's behalf
I'd go and speak to them in person and say you've slept on it and you are very uncomfortable with this and not to include you in this next year
Let him deal with how he words the card etc
It's not a gift given freely so it's wrong

Limer · 09/12/2021 07:58

Ridiculous situation.

Unless maybe the senior director is going to surprise all the underlings with a cash-stuffed envelope each? Which I doubt very much. I wonder if the senior director is aware this is going on? I can't believe they would approve of it.

requiredusername · 09/12/2021 08:01

Your final line says it all.

New colleague missed the memo on how to win friends and influence people.

BorsetshireBanality · 09/12/2021 08:02

I’d put it a “token”’amount, the token in this case being 1p!

IncompleteSenten · 09/12/2021 08:02

Don't let yourself be intimidated by this Johnny come lately.
You need to gather your courage and say no. It is not appropriate and you will not be asking your team to contribute to a gift for someone who earns x times what they do and you have paid it yourself rather than put them in that position.

And that there are more ethical ways to impress the boss.

janj2301 · 09/12/2021 08:04

I was "asked" to contribute £10 to a Chrsitmas present for my boss (A GP) never seen him use it and never had a thank you, won't do it again.

Thisbastardcomputer · 09/12/2021 08:08

When I was in your position, I bought for the team and said under no circumstances were they to buy for me. It was unheard of in our organisation to buy for anyone senior.

I used to get mountains of gifts sent from the customers overseas, boxes of fruit, cases of port and wine, also perfume and cigarettes. I kept the cigarettes being the only smoker.

I split the larger gifts and the smaller ones I put in a draw, where everyone got something, my team shared an office with other finance people, I included the whole office.

I was the face and the contact but all of us contributed to the work.

ESGdance · 09/12/2021 08:08

It’s odd they asked (suspect toadying)
Surprised they ignored your feedback
Disappointed but not surprised that other managers didn’t back you up

But mostly surprised you paid up and also for your staff - were you asked repeatedly with a gun to your head?

You were right initially but so so wrong latterly - gives very mixed messages to everyone or maybe that you don’t stand by your convictions - you should have - calmly and assertively - what did you think would happen if you calmly stuck to your values?

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