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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Collection for the boss... inappropriate?

294 replies

Littlejuice · 09/12/2021 06:30

Always, always buy my whole team Xmas gifts. Just a bottle of wine or something but to say thanks.

As a senior manager however, and in my view well paid despite long hours, I do not expect or wish to receive one (public sector)

We've had a new director for TWO MONTHS who has recruited one of his previous employees into team, this month. Email from new starter yesterday sharing his Bacs details to all the staff (many of whom on a quarter of the director salary) saying it's nice if we do a bit of Xmas appreciation and collect for the boss...

I have contributed and said to my team I'll put their shares in as team contribution as I am so conscious many of them struggling - but isn't this just really not recognising the situation of some people? Dear people on 20k please donate to buy someone on 120k a gift?

OP posts:

hopeyouhaveabadday · 11/12/2021 08:57

I would have said no. You sound great OP, really nice of you to consider your staff, many wouldn't.

Pinkmouse15 · 11/12/2021 09:06

Absolutely, buying a gift for someone on 120K when you are on 20K is beyond inappropriate and smacks of crawling! Don’t have anything to do with it. Particularly when this person has only been in post 8 weeks.

NashvilleQueen · 11/12/2021 09:09

Senior manager here too. Mortifying and I would speak up. As someone says gifts flow down the chain not up. Over summer one of my peers had a significant birthday and someone in their team organised one of those online collection pots. I have since told people that under no circumstances should staff who get paid much less than me be coerced or guilt tripped into throwing money into a pot for me to spend. Your instinct is absolutely correct and you sound like a great manager.

PaulaTrilloe · 11/12/2021 09:48

Raise with your grandparent manager (boss of your boss) and tip civil service union rep.

Since COVID we do virtual collections using kudoboard which protects donor details and is transparent nice memory for recipient.

BertieBotts · 11/12/2021 09:53

This happened to me!! I had not been long in a job and one of the supervisors (very very young, probably about 20) suddenly decided that we all needed to collect for the boss for Christmas. To make things worse, it wasn't like a €2 donation. It was suggested €20! Absolutely outrageous.

I was too new to question it but I felt really, really uncomfortable. I tried to pretend I only had €10 on me and she informed me where a cashpoint was

Anyway, we then went into lockdown very suddenly, and instead of buying a gift hamper or whatever the fuck they wanted to do, they decided to just give the cash to the boss. It was completely mortifying. The boss obviously felt it was completely inappropriate, most of the workers felt awful, the only person who was happy was the clueless supervisor.

It was awful. Probably the biggest cringe of my life. I felt even worse about the concept of it than I did about losing €20 (which was not a small amount at that time).

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/12/2021 10:45

Oh good! Hope your boss put paid to the nonsense and all the money has been returned to the people who contributed!

@Hawkins001 - I think the OP was meaning that her current workplace is a bit like no.10, ethics wise, not that she actually works there.

Caffeinefirst · 11/12/2021 11:03

Well done on speaking up. Absolutely the right thing. The fact that the new manager can’t see what is wrong with this on so many levels (giving out his or her bank details and asking junior employees to transfer cash to him for one) suggests that he is terrible and hopefully will be gone soon.

Honeyroar · 11/12/2021 11:14

Is it really such a bad thing for employees to have the chance to put £1 or £2 in a pot towards something small for an appreciated boss? I wouldn't put a lot in, but where I worked everyone was included in Christmas and gifts were always small.

Caffeinefirst · 11/12/2021 11:39

I think all this gift buying at work has gone too far. I had a boss for a few years in my 20’s who I got on with well and we are still friends 30 years later. However when I worked for her she was a Director and I was lowly graduate with 0 pence to my name. I’m sure I appreciated her but I never bought her a gift and I think she would have been embarrassed if I’d spent money on her given she knew how I was living at the time.

You can’t know peoples individual circumstances and the number of collections and cards gets ridiculous.

What’s wrong with just expressing thanks/appreciation verbally without a gift or a card?

Gwenhwyfar · 11/12/2021 11:42

@Honeyroar

Yes, it's bad and it wasn't being given the chance anyway, it was being asked for money. I bet they expected more than a couple of pounds as well otherwise it wouldn't have been via bank transfer.

Shirls22 · 11/12/2021 12:16

We just used to do secret santas for everyone including the boss

Allergictoironing · 11/12/2021 18:04

@Honeyroar

I dunno how appreciated he would be, having been there only 2 months, so not long enough for anyone to find out what he's really like.

We're getting out boss a gift this year, but that's because she has gone above and beyond to get the whole team's contract extended.

LovelyIssues · 11/12/2021 18:45

You sound like such an amazing boss!

whynotwhatknot · 11/12/2021 21:23

do you mean youve got all your money back and and theyre not doing the present?

amusedbush · 12/12/2021 12:39

@Hawkins001

As in 10 downing street London ? If so, what's your role ?

I read it as the OP saying the culture and ethics at her current workplace aren't unlike the current state of affairs at 10 Downing Street, i.e. sleazy and underhanded.

I may be wrong though.

Scrumpy10 · 12/12/2021 15:08

Absolutely terrible

Butchyrestingface · 12/12/2021 15:18

Presumptuous little twat. No prizes why the boss wanted toad-in-the-hole to follow him to his new job.

I think a word in toady's shell-like would be apposite here.

PearlclutchersInc · 12/12/2021 15:37

On one hand its nice that you did for your team; on the other hand if you'd have left it maybe the whole thing would have fallen flat.

I know that the cost of any gifts that came my team's way were covered via expenses and cost the managers nothing whatsoever so any expectation of anything coming the other way would have been grossly unfair.

Obviously that may not be the case where you work but no team should be expected to contribute to a senior's gift unless they really want to.

sixkidsandcounting · 14/12/2021 01:34

Raise with Director in such a way that the embarrassment is theirs if they don't nip it in the bud...

"Almost a little embarrassed to mention this, but didn't want the embarrassment being yours! I heard on the grapevine someone might be having a whip-a-round amongst the team for you. I'd said 'My God, no, Director might feel awful, (s)he's on six times the salary of everyone else!". Thought I might let you know, I mean, it should be us forking out for the team if anything, they've been great this year."

Squeeze all that into one burst without letting them get a word in and problem solved. If they don't ask who's involved and have a quiet word with them after that, they've no shame at all. In that case, best of luck with them next year - they're a scumbag of the highest order.

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