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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Collection for the boss... inappropriate?

294 replies

Littlejuice · 09/12/2021 06:30

Always, always buy my whole team Xmas gifts. Just a bottle of wine or something but to say thanks.

As a senior manager however, and in my view well paid despite long hours, I do not expect or wish to receive one (public sector)

We've had a new director for TWO MONTHS who has recruited one of his previous employees into team, this month. Email from new starter yesterday sharing his Bacs details to all the staff (many of whom on a quarter of the director salary) saying it's nice if we do a bit of Xmas appreciation and collect for the boss...

I have contributed and said to my team I'll put their shares in as team contribution as I am so conscious many of them struggling - but isn't this just really not recognising the situation of some people? Dear people on 20k please donate to buy someone on 120k a gift?

OP posts:
SamMil · 09/12/2021 07:16

As a senior manager, I think you have to have the confidence to speak up when necessary. That's part of your responsibility.

You could avoid getting into a debate by simply explaining that you will not be asking for money from your team, as it is not appropriate financially.

Mummadeze · 09/12/2021 07:20

Interesting question. This wouldn’t happen in our department. We wouldn’t get the Director an Xmas gift. In the past I have always bought a small gift for my Manager however as I really liked her. I have a new one now who I am not close to so hadn’t thought about whether I should get her anything.

ChikiTIKI · 09/12/2021 07:22

I agree it's bad form. Unless I suppose if the manager is buying everyone's alcoholic drinks at a big Christmas party or something. I am a junior manager in the NHS (band 7) and buy all my team a small gift but would never expect to receive anything.

IrisAtwood · 09/12/2021 07:22

You are absolutely right OP. Very bad taste and tone deaf.

CheesyFootballsAreEvil · 09/12/2021 07:24

It's basically insisting how they spend their wages. It's really not on.

K1ran · 09/12/2021 07:28

As you mentioned you are public sector, its actually against policy for managers to accept gifts, even teas and coffees from lower ranking team members.

CheesyFootballsAreEvil · 09/12/2021 07:28

@K1ran

As you mentioned you are public sector, its actually against policy for managers to accept gifts, even teas and coffees from lower ranking team members.
Oooh is it?! They can't even have a tea round? Good to know thanks!
Bluntness100 · 09/12/2021 07:29

I’m on the fence, it wasn’t mandatory and he was basically jist doing a whip round to buy the boss a crimbo present, I can’t see all the angst. If people can’t afford it or don’t wish to contribute they don’t have to.

K1ran · 09/12/2021 07:29

And it is something you have to declare annually as to what gifts you have received in the work environment.

gersteddybears · 09/12/2021 07:29

Tell your team not to pass over any money. Go direct and speak to the new newbie if you don't mind and tell him this isn't something that you usually do. Especially given the salary your team are on.

In my wrk place there's always someone starts a collection for the boss. I do usually get a small gift from the boss. However she ends up with a really bad gift as more ppl are chipping in so there's a decent amount of money. I don't really agree but I don't want to be the one saying so. Other places I've worked I received a gift from my boss but I did not reciprocate.

gersteddybears · 09/12/2021 07:31

Really gd gift I mean 🙈

Danikm151 · 09/12/2021 07:32

Gifts flow down unless part of secret santa

sweeneytoddsrazor · 09/12/2021 07:32

Have to say I always get my team chocolates to share as we have far too many for individual presents. I expect nothing but a fair number get me a present both for Xmas and birthday. This is entirely their choice and I absolutely 100% appreciate it. I would feel so embarrassed if they felt like they had to get me something.

logsonlogsoff · 09/12/2021 07:33

Message employee or have a quiet word and explain why it’s not appropriate. They’re just arse kissing.

logsonlogsoff · 09/12/2021 07:34

And if you put it others - other mgrs- may feel they have to cos employee will say oh Warble and team contributed.

PegasusReturns · 09/12/2021 07:35

That’s outrageous.

You need to be firmer. I’d ask if he has bought the gift and if not say that on reflection you're very uncomfortable with the idea of this gift and would like him to refund the money.

megletthesecond · 09/12/2021 07:36

Yanbu.

LethargicActress · 09/12/2021 07:36

As a senior manager shouldn’t you be able to tell new starter not to do that again?

NewPapaGuinea · 09/12/2021 07:39

If the staff are paid and treated well and genuinely appreciate the boss then it’s ok. If not, then what kind of message does that send!

cookiemonster2468 · 09/12/2021 07:41

That's awful and particularly in the public sector. Unbelievable. I wonder if it was actually the boss' idea or the new employee trying to impress.

I know the feeling of not wanting to stick your neck out but I really feel like you need to for this, this could affect the culture of your whole team/ organisation and I reckon a lot of people will be feeling weird about it. It's simply not how it works in the public sector.

Have you had a quiet word with other senior staff on your level to see what they think? They might feel the same as you but just not be saying anything for the same reason.

GerardWay123 · 09/12/2021 07:42

When I had a 'proper' job we did secret Santa. My favourite present was a pair of gloves. I don't understand the greed nowadays.

cookiemonster2468 · 09/12/2021 07:43

@logsonlogsoff

And if you put it others - other mgrs- may feel they have to cos employee will say oh Warble and team contributed.
Exactly. This is how these things begin. Not because everyone is OK with it but because no one wants to be the one to stand up.

But if no one does then... no one does. And it perpetuates.

Nevertime · 09/12/2021 07:43

I wouldn't have contributed, I'd have taken new staff membr aside and explained why it was wholly inappropriate. I might even have told boss what was planned, in his shoes I'd be horrified.

WiseUpJanetWeiss · 09/12/2021 07:43

@K1ran

As you mentioned you are public sector, its actually against policy for managers to accept gifts, even teas and coffees from lower ranking team members.
Erm… no it isn’t. May be in your place, but nowhere I’ve worked had such a policy.

Christmas gifts flow down, unless part of Secret Santa. It’s the closest we get to bonuses and is an expression of gratitude to our staff. When I managed a team I bought them token chocolates. My boss buys his direct reports wine, and so on upward. Bigger bosses deliver tins of chocolates and sweets to departments. Whole teams buy something for the cleaner. That’s it.

We might contribute to any staff member’s big birthday, wedding or leaving gifts but the amount, if any, is entirely voluntary.

AvocadoTrees · 09/12/2021 07:45

There was a thread about this on reddit recently and the boss got slammed. It’s completely tasteless and very poor form to expect the plebs to contribute for a gift for a well off boss.

Swipe left for the next trending thread