Dying of no PISSING SLEEP, will anyone mourn me?

[SnailandtheWail]

DS is three months old. I love him, I do, but I’m about to leave him out for the magpies.

He has NEVER slept for more than three hours straight, it’s usually two, last night it was one hour at a time.

There’s nothing wrong with him that I can tell. He’s fed. He’s changed. He’s safe and warm. He’s winded. He doesn’t have a dummy. He hates swaddling so I bag him. He will happily go to sleep but he can’t stay asleep. He knows what night is, he’s out and about loads in the day, it’s only the odd day I watch back to back episodes of House while he naps on me. I don’t breastfeed, for reasons I don’t care to go into except it was fucking hard and I thought my breasts were going to rot and fall off. I

For various reasons I sleep with him in the spare room. One of those reasons is that DH doesn’t do any night waking, I do it all. He has an incredibly important job that is fiddling with computers 9-6 at a sports company and people might die if he’s too tired to do something with their computers. He has offered to do a night here and there but there’s so much moaning and lamenting about his tiredness the next day it’s not worth it to me because it makes me want to boil his head in salt water, like a big ham.

This morning when I said I hadn’t slept he informed me that it might be time to ‘look up some tips or get a book’ to help DS sleep through. Because by now, apparently, he should be happy to sleep alone in his crib and sleep for 5+.

Well no one has told DS that. In desperation I have been trying co sleeping but he’s still a pain in the arse and I’m still not sleeping. What are these ‘tips’ I'm missing or is DH just being a condescending twat? A woman from my NCT suggested cranial osteopathy but it sounds like hokum. I couldn’t get on with wonder weeks. It annoyed me as HOW can it be one size fits all and it just feels like it ‘works’ through confirmation bias. All the other 7 babies in said NCT are apparently all sleeping like dreams 9pm -7am with max two wake ups. I’m thinking of leaving the group because reading that honestly makes me want to throw my phone in the river.

I don’t think I’m looking for any answers here. It’s a vent and hopefully some solidarity and also please give me sympathy that I am probably not going to see my impending 36th birthday because this will be what kills me.

I was quite pretty so previously would have had an open casket, but I now look like Nosferatu so that will no longer be an option.

In all seriousness my DH has a very important job - where he could have gone to prison if he made an bit error. I did Sunday to Thursday nights and he did Friday and Saturday
Without fail he took over when he came home from work and on Saturday mornings he took DS to a cafe so I could go back to bed.
We had 0 family help. It just about kept me sane as I love sleep and DS had colic and would scream to 1 /2 am every night.try something New.
If I was especially tired DH would also do a night or two a week.
You need more sleep. It’s important.
It won’t last forever.

Welcome to motherhood. Not only do you need infinite patience with your child, you need to have infinite patience with every other idiot you know. And you’ll realise quickly that it really is almost everyone.

Special mention and gold star to @hotmeatymilk and the NCT lying witches and potato babies.

You already know this but your DH is a full twat. You need a few nights in a spa hotel and then to split shifts with him to ensure you get some solid rest. I’d suggest a 1am changeover to ensure he has all the rest he needs to typey type away all day.

I’ve also dreamed of DHs tragic and untimely death and the resulting payout which could be used to hire someone actually fucking useful.

Your DH needs to step up. My DW used to hear baby stir in middle of night, get him out of basket, change him if needed then bring him to me to feed in bed which I did barely awake. Then put him back after. SAVED my decking life in those first 6 months.
And not that it should matter but she had a Really senior role at the time ( think CEO level)
Your lazy arse DH needs to start helping more.

Oh, OP. Your post made me laugh, particularly your description of your partner's job.

I feel your pain. The "shouldn't he be doing x by now?" Conversations are the worst. Like the shittest sort of delegation. What it means is "I want him to be doing x. He's not and that must be your fault. Please magically sort it". The thing they want to change is also usually as a direct result of something they do to. "DH, maybe he's not sleeping at 7pm because at 6.30pm you start wrestling with him for 20 mins".

I know it's a cliche but it really does get easier.

Some of my NCT group employed night nannies to do the night feeds (we were the poor end of the group so did not).

@stalkersaga

I’ll be right up there at the funeral singing ‘He had it coming’ too 😂😂😂 with bloody tap shoes on and a nanny in the back row.

Ahhh sorry op but you do make me laugh. I do enjoy the 'He hates being swaddled so I bag him' and the dh ham head.

My dd was a fucking awful sleeper. She's 4 now and I still end up in her bed half way through the night but it's an absolute enormous improvement on every 45 minutes.

Solidarity 💜 at least you've got your humour still 😁

I am seething right now. Baby (6m) has been up I don't know how many times tonight. Massive long feeds each time and then as soon as my head hits the pillow he's crying for more (breastfed and won't take a bottle at all).
I'm on my knees as it is. Full of rage and crying regularly each week and my fucking useless husband has just ranted I should get a job all because I've told him I can't cope and he should try and get the baby to sleep now. Not once in the last 6months have I asked for help in the night. I just get on with it and try my best to function on the limited sleep (and as of the other day, hallucinations).
On the odd occasion when I settle the baby to bed at 7ish for 90mins and get nowhere, I ask for help as I'm defeated and I then get slapped with the excellent "just have patience" when he manages to get him to settle after 10mins.
I'm done in. Apparently what I do isn't important and the fact I'm 'on' 24hours a day is ignored. I have barely any time to myself as it is. Its a luxury to relax on the toilet and go properly as I'm always on edge as it's pretty much down to me to sort the baby if he's crying (my husband's strategy is try something for a few mins and if that doesn't work, put him back down as he says he'll cry either way).
I daydream about being admitted to hospital so I can have a rest and not have to think about things. I'd also be happy that my husband would have to step up and see how hard it is.
I always knew he didn't value what I did but hearing him throw it in my face tonight really hurt. The thing is, I know when I've gone back to work after DC1, most of the home stuff fell on my shoulders so it would be the same again. He sort of has a look of shock if I ask him to help with anything rather than looking around and seeing what needs doing.
If the baby was bottle fed I would seriously run away. I've thought about it many times and even now I'm thinking about jumping in the car. I hate my life today.

Why do people turn up on these threads and announce their husband took the baby from 7pm-3am every night to give them a rest and loads the dishwasher before he goes to work and pays for a cleaner and has already bought and wrapped Christmas presents for the kids and your entire extended family. Like ok good for you, mines still a twat

Anyway you're not alone OP. My adorable 5 month old baby started off life sleeping constantly like an angel and I was delighted that I finally had a 'good' baby. This last two months she's been up half the night every night, when I lie down to do bedtime with the kids in the evening I feel physically ill some nights with sheer tiredness.

I turn 36 next week. I feel like this is my upper age for dealing with this shit and might see if they'll let me get my tubes tied or something before my bloody hormones start giving out 'impregnate me' vibes to DH again.

another here who had a dc who didn't sleep more than a few hours at a time til 18 mths..and a dh who also did v important worky type type things!

sod the fact that i went back to work full time (and fully sleep deprived) when dc was 8 months old.
Again like you every other fecker's child slept through the night so surely i was the problem.

Co-sleeping was my saviour too, not to mention napping on the train to and from work and 8pm bedtimes (for me, not baby)

The first time dc slept through the night i must have looked that good my boss asked me if Id been away for a spa weekend (I kid not!)

3 years on dc is sound asleep in his bed and I'm bloody well still waking at 3am!

Mine was the same, nothing but sympathy here. Employed a sleep consultant just before he turned 6 mths.
No idea what she advised as I hadn't slept for 6 mths and was struggling to remember my own address at this point, but it definitely helped and I always recommend it

Hi OP
Have a 5 month old here doing my head in Tonight with hourly wake ups :/
For him the thing that has helped is watching wake windows and nap durations very keenly. it does mean I can't get out much as he sleeps immediately in the stroller/car seat but sticking to wake windows works for us. I knew I would have a horrendous night tonight when he skipped his third nap as he was playing with guests last evening. Also dark room/white noise/pacifier (can't swaddle now as he rolls over). I struggled so so badly at the 4 month mark though so maybe it's just that he's grown up
praying for you and sending solidarity x my partner doesn't do any nights either :/ but he does mornings from 5 am (sometimes 4) till 7.30 am which has saved my sanity

I've a 5 week old baby who cries non stop unless held and even then he's not happy sometimes. We are exhausted 😩 and I'm recovering from a section. I feel your pain !

I am grandmother, not mother, to a non-sleeper so at least for 6 nights out of 7 I get some kip. Menopausal insomnia not withstanding (something else for you ladies to look forward to…)

But fuck this thread has made me laugh. And sympathise.

Just wanted you to know your post was very funny and got me through my 2 month old son's 4am feed as I chuckled over Nosferatu. I would 100% read your blog if you had one.

You're doing great to keep up your sense of humour!

I hope you feel solidarity reading others' posts. You're not alone and will survive! ☕

While all the mums of non-sleeping babies are gathered, does anyone know how I can hold my baby while not holding him? DS was insisting on not being held but also not being put down last night. He was very angry that I couldn't figure it out and I promised him I'd speak to my mum-colleagues for further training

Ham head DH to do Friday or Saturday nights - his choice.
Also takes DA out or downstairs Saturday and Sunday mornings for a few hours.

I have to say ham head and potato babies are probably the funniest thing I have read on MN ever...I was having a down day yesterday after stressing about a work situation and both of these things made me LOL. Sorry that doesn't help your sleep situation though OP. But if you do decide to boil your husband's head I do recommend basting it in honey and studding it with cloves first then it'll be all Christmassy.

@PlanBea You know child’s pose in yoga? That, but over a baby. I think of it as “the mummy hunch” – basically contort yourself à la Cirque du Soleil to give the baby the required cuddle/proximity without the unrequired “you being comfortable” part. Regret to inform you that when they’re 2.5yo they will vocalise this as “No! You DON’T cuddle me! I lie down in my cot and you cuddle me there!”

Kids are knobs! (Yes yes I love them but urgh). 3DC under 5 may have me jumping in to your coffin next to you voluntarilly!

Eldest sleeps like a dream. Loves her sleep. Has always slept brilliantly at night (except the 4 month regression which was brutal).

Middle did not! Is still a menace. He is 3 and still trying to kill us (does sleep most nights but then has spells of waking up screaming). He is currently asleep in the back of the car hours before nap time because he is exhausted from exhausting us.

Baby is 5 months. First 4 weeks she fed ALL night every night. Then she suddenly slept... every night from 10-7 with one feed. But that was just a teaser and for the last month a 2 hour stretch is progress. Last night was every 45 minutes from 8pm! I cannot keep my eyes open. I am terrified I am going to squash her while sleep/feeding.

DH is generally amazing, cooks, cleans, parents wonderfully, etc. And when he's home, he generally gets up with the other 2 at night. BUT his job is REALLY dangerous (as in makes tour of duty Marines think he is hard core). He would help at night if I asked (although EBF so limited) but I need him alive so resist asking as much as I possibly can.

I am on my knees!! And if I don't have an accident driving it'll be a bloody miracle!

Non sleeping babies is the biggest evolutionary fail since aardvarks!

Years and years ago -over 30! I was you and it was hell-out of desperation I put my DD in her pram at 3am -I was crying as was she-DH skeptic through the lot-we lived in a top floor flat-I had to carry a bloody old fashioned silver cross pram downstairs along with the cat who followed me everywhere 😂 we spent hours walking the streets( me and cat)because that was the only time DD stopped crying. Finding gripe water ( with alcohol in it) was my saviour! As it actually helped.I’m so sorry for u -my DD looking back probably had cmpa-which nobody knew existed-as I also had it as a baby, I got sent to GOSH in the 60’s because as a baby I was the same .
I really hope one day it just works out for u!
And your bloody husband needs to give u time off

I can't even get my baby to nap, never mind sleep at NIGHT!
Seems like things slightly improve, for a couple of nights, then bam, back to normal
No sleep.
H doesn't help in the night because I'm breastfeeding. Is that a good enough reason now? I don't know, she defo doesn't NEED fed as much as I feed her, just to get her back to sleep as quickly as possible.
She is 8 months and I feel like we are still
In the 4 month sleep regression (which was never a regression anyway because it's always been shit!)
She has just started rolling around in her cot too, and trying to crawl, screaming when she gets stuck on her belly. And was doing the same when I brought her in with me last night too, so that probably isn't going to save me either anymore 😭
H balanced a takeaway coffee cup on top
Of the already overflowing recycling bin earlier and if looks could kill 👀. I know #notallmen, but why are they like this?!

Perhaps DH should be changed to HH ham head, it's much more accurate 😂

@JSL52

Ham head DH to do Friday or Saturday nights - his choice. Also takes DA out or downstairs Saturday and Sunday mornings for a few hours.

I do hope DA stands for "Dear Arseholebaby".

OP my eldest was like this. Dropped off to sleep quickly but never stayed asleep for longer than an hour. Stopped any daytime napping by 6-7 months. Would wake up at the slightest noise, temperature or light change. Sometimes just if I breathed slightly too loudly his little eyes would ping open and there he was wide awake. Again.

I was only in my mid 20s when he was born but aged about 10 years in the first few months due to lack of sleep.

Thankfully he eventually got better although he still didn't sleep for more than 4 hours at a stretch until he started school. Once he became a teenager though the whole thing reversed and he'd sleep for 12-13 hours at a time and became impossible to wake up. He's in his 20s now and has an alarm recommended by the Deaf Association which is so loud I can hear it 3 rooms away, and still sleeps through it. His hearing is fine btw, he just doesn't wake up.

So in a nutshell it will get better, but not for at least a few years.