To think 2 year olds should do as they're told?

[SleepingStandingUp]

And that if they don't it's a reflection on lax parenting? I'm taking not climbing and sitting in high sides, not going upstairs when told not to / coming down when told to, sitting at the table to eat, not pushing each other?

AIBU to expect that we'll raised two year olds can do all this and the fact mine don't is because I'm doing something wrong and therefore to ask how to make them behave??

There is no reasoning, bribing, negotiating or punishing bad behaviour out of an unruly 2 year old.

They're basically psychopaths in cute clothing.

My first was mostly biddable, my 2nd so bad I just tried not to ever leave the house for 18m.

This too shall pass....

Four was even worse than two, as I recall. . . and you don't want to know about 13 and 16. . .

However, there is wine. Or gin. Or Chocolate. Or cake. Or ciggies. Or the gym. And if you don't laugh, you cry. Either is fine.

Ridiculous perspective.

No number of punishments will make a child development the neutron connections that impact their impulse control quicker.

People need to be realistic about what they expect from tiny children.

Oh and I read and re-read Toddler Taming by Christopher Green...it makes sense. x

If your two year old does all of that, there's something wrong with them. It's how you react to the 'independence' that shows your parenting skills.

My two year old was an angel.

Now at 7 she is smarter than me and very calculating in her arguments and I’ve asked her to consider a career in law.

@megletthesecond

Some do. Some don't.

Good luck with whatever type you get.

The don't sort. In duplicate

Oh you'll have loads of fun with

Threenager
Four-get-about it
Dante's circle of age Seven Hell

Then puberty

The teenagers

There's a reason I'm grey & drink gin.

I sometimes think mines a right little fucker or "spirited" as I prefer to refer to her in polite company but then I remind myself she's 2 and still really a baby. She's inquisitive, articulate, confident and determined, she'll make a wonderful adult and hopefully I'll survive her childhood to see it

@Namechangeforthis88

Do you have any books about raising children/caring for babies/toddlers/children? If not, maybe do a little reading. I'm not sure you're well placed to rely on your instincts.

I dunno, I just brought marshmallows instead of mushrooms, I think those instincts are spot on

@Buddrinker84 thank youxx

There is not asking or telling them. I just used to pick my kids up to take them up or downstairs, remove them from furniture etc. You also need to restrain them as much as physically possible. So stair gates, stuff out of reach, strapped into the buggy/car seat/shopping trolley when you go out. If you have climbers, then I'm sorry I've got no advice other than you're fucked. Enjoy.

I think you might ultimately make yourself ill if you continue with such unrealistic expectations

Give them time what, til they're not two??

Yup. That's about it. Toddlers are assholes. If you think about it, for at least half their life every single need they had was met. Their brains don't even know the difference between want or need yet, so they're following the pattern they know. I need it and I need it now. I remember DD going absolutely ballistic at OH for giving her the wrong IMAGINARY fork!

It takes time but they learn . They learn that there consequences, that they can't always do /have what they want and that the world doesn't revolve around them. The tantrums, kicking off and being arseholes is all part of that learning.

Tbh there's not much that toddlers do that deserves judging of the parent.

@mbosnz apparently def NO refunds on BOGOFF babies

I have a theory that compliant 2 year olds unleash it at 3 instead and more challenging 2 year olds calm down a bit at 3. My eldest was mainly a delight at 2 but was a stroppy emotional beast at 3. My youngest was quite challenging as a new 2yo but is mellowing as she approaches 3. I am hoping she proves me right and doesn’t turn into the threenanger from hell.

Put two 8-10 week old puppies in a room and see how well they behave just with advice, empathy and gin. They're at pretty much the same developmental stage as a two year old human.

Try it again with two adult dogs in a field (sheep, other livestock or fox turds optional) and see what empathy and advice does for them, even with the significant increase in development compared to two little humans and normal training - not specific sheepdog training, just the expecting them to sit, stay, not roll in shit or squabble over the dead rabbit they've just found in the hedgerow stuff.

You're not failing at anything.

Mine absolutely does what she’s told. If she’s asleep.

She’s such a contrarian she would disobey a direct order to each chocolate buttons and watch as much Peppa Pig as she wanted. She doesn’t even say “no”, she does this supremely unbothered, cheery “Nope!” while merrily scaling the curtains to felt-tip the ceiling.

The good thing about 2-year-olds is that they are still (just about) portable when required. If they won't co-operate, you can pick them up and put them down elsewhere as necessary. Although you might need ear plugs and shin pads while doing it.

Haha! Nice one OP.

YANBU to think 2 year olds should do as they're told. YABU to think that they will do so.

@3WildOnes

A friend of mine did have very obedient toddlers but she smacked them every single time they disobeyed. I’d rather have unruly children.

Thanks, me too (rather have unruly ones I mean)

Hahaha. No.

@ComDummings just spirited honey bears 😄😄 but thank you for your kind post

I'm a bit sad and worried at the thought of a 2 year old who is expected to be totally obedient. This would make me concerned about harsh unkind parenting