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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not see the point of this Xmas present system?

91 replies

iDontKnow83 · 06/12/2021 22:21

MIL texts her 8 adult children (and their partners) with a list of exactly what they should buy for each sibling. Eg, we've been told we need to buy SIL1 a lilac cashmere scarf, SIL2 some Chanel perfume, BIL1 a Nike Hoody and BIL2 a set of ear pods.

We've been asked what we would like and we suggested some general ideas like candles, sports stuff or booze but she replied asking for a specific link to the item we wanted.

It all feels so prescriptive and I just think it's pointless! No creativity in buying gifts, so materialistic! I feel saying let's just buy ourselves what we want and not bother with the gifting!

OP posts:
IveNameChangedAgain2020 · 06/12/2021 22:22

Our family have got like that - I don't like it either. There's no surprise anymore!

Santahatesbraisedcabbage · 06/12/2021 22:22

What happens if you ignore her texts and choose presents yourself?

BrightonOrLancaster · 06/12/2021 22:23

Some people do do that, you see it on here often. If a present isnt a surprise I dont get the point.

Bellabelloo · 06/12/2021 22:24

So you might as well just not buy for anyone and buy yourself something?

Original poster
iDontKnow83 · 06/12/2021 22:25

@Bellabelloo

So you might as well just not buy for anyone and buy yourself something?
Exactly!!
OP posts:
Original poster
iDontKnow83 · 06/12/2021 22:27

@BrightonOrLancaster

Some people do do that, you see it on here often. If a present isnt a surprise I dont get the point.
I suppose MIL thinks it will be a surprise for the recipient as she's orchestrating the whole thing. But then as we've been asked to provide a link to the items, I guess the others have too 🤷‍♀️
OP posts:
ClintBartonsWife · 06/12/2021 22:27

DH's family give each other gift vouchers. He'll give MIL a £30 gift voucher and she'll give him a £30 gift voucher. I've never understood the thinking behind that one!

Original poster
iDontKnow83 · 06/12/2021 22:27

@ClintBartonsWife

DH's family give each other gift vouchers. He'll give MIL a £30 gift voucher and she'll give him a £30 gift voucher. I've never understood the thinking behind that one!
That's just plain ridiculous!!
OP posts:
Onlinedilema · 06/12/2021 22:28

Is your mil some sort of Secret Santa Guru?
To be fair I have asked all my adult children for links to items they want. Both dds said they would like an item of clothing but it was so vague that when I tried looking online literally hundreds of items came up. I just can't trawl through that many wondering which they would like best.
I prefer it when they chose the exact item when it's clothing.
If it's a case of I would really like some black leather gloves, or any Channel perfume that's different.

MiddleParking · 06/12/2021 22:29

Are these just examples or do you actually get told to buy your husband’s siblings big expensive luxury gifts chosen by his mother?

Mittenmob · 06/12/2021 22:29

I hate this and find it so entitled. What happens if I can't afford X gift? Or don't think you're worth it?

StormyCornishSeas · 06/12/2021 22:31

Is it just Christmas or birthdays too?

I'd be a bit out out like what if it's a bit out my price range. Or I went a bit bigger on their birthday and as a result might go smaller but just as much thoughtful for Christmas. Or seen something ages ago and gone BIL would love that and got it there and then

Wheelerdeeler · 06/12/2021 22:32

That crept in with dh family.

Got to the stage where the gift was purchased by the recipient themselves & left for you to wrap & you left the €€€.

Last year we scrapped adult gift buying and I was delighted. The joy of giving was gone.

We do adult kk in my family and all gifts are a surprise. We generally get a decent gift and then a few jokey ones. There's a dvd being regifted for about 8 years now.

HelloNope · 06/12/2021 22:32

I do this with my sister, we spend £40 on something the other wants and then we do a surprise gift alongside it. It's back up 🤪

HalfShrunkMoreToGo · 06/12/2021 22:34

MIL would have liked us to do this, instead we have wish lists on Amazon, you can add links to stuff outside of Amazon too. One for me, one for DH and one for DD. We put loads of stuff on there throughout the year and at birthdays/Xmas she just picks something within budget. It's still a bit of a surprise but we all know it's something we'll like.

AnotherOneWithNoGoodName · 06/12/2021 22:34

Stupidity. Might as well not buy anyone anything and spend the money on yourself!
Family secret Santa is the way to go OP

TimeForTeaAndG · 06/12/2021 22:35

Why not suggest a secret Santa amongst the adults? Use an online site that draws names for you (so noone knows who has who...whom?) and you can out in a list of likes/dislikes.

Original poster
iDontKnow83 · 06/12/2021 22:36

@MiddleParking

Are these just examples or do you actually get told to buy your husband’s siblings big expensive luxury gifts chosen by his mother?
No this is real. We estimate min £50pp. It's ridiculous. Some of my siblings in law are students / unemployed.
OP posts:
Original poster
iDontKnow83 · 06/12/2021 22:37

@TimeForTeaAndG

Why not suggest a secret Santa amongst the adults? Use an online site that draws names for you (so noone knows who has who...whom?) and you can out in a list of likes/dislikes.
Now this is genius!!!
OP posts:
Howshouldibehave · 06/12/2021 22:41

We do adult kk in my family and all gifts are a surprise

Can I ask what kk stands for?

galacticpixels · 06/12/2021 22:42

That's odd!

This year in my family amongst the siblings we realised we were just getting into the habit of asking what everyone wanted, and at that point we might as well buy for ourselves. So we decided from next year we'll do a secret Santa.

LittleOwl153 · 06/12/2021 22:43

Nah that is ridiculous especially where money is an issue. I can see the point of her making sure everyone gets something they want but that is an expensive hit list! £50 8 children plus 8? Partners so £800 worth of presents per person... wow that's crazy.

Angel2702 · 06/12/2021 22:45

I prefer it it’s how we all do it. All give the lists to one person who co-ordinates. Much better to have one thing you really want than surprises that you won’t use.

Usuallyhappycamper · 06/12/2021 22:46

We do secret santa for adults, but with one present per person so there can be a decent budget. There are wish lists, so no spontaneity, but I am happy with that. I really don't want a bunch of "stuff" for the sake of giving.

Angel2702 · 06/12/2021 22:47

Although we all have a set budget so nobody is expected to buy expensive gifts. It’s all equal.