To not see the point of this Xmas present system?

[iDontKnow83]

MIL texts her 8 adult children (and their partners) with a list of exactly what they should buy for each sibling. Eg, we've been told we need to buy SIL1 a lilac cashmere scarf, SIL2 some Chanel perfume, BIL1 a Nike Hoody and BIL2 a set of ear pods.

We've been asked what we would like and we suggested some general ideas like candles, sports stuff or booze but she replied asking for a specific link to the item we wanted.

It all feels so prescriptive and I just think it's pointless! No creativity in buying gifts, so materialistic! I feel saying let's just buy ourselves what we want and not bother with the gifting!

@phishy

You said people were embarrassed to say they only got one present. I said I had never been asked how many presents I received.

Yes, but that would happen if someone asked you what you received for Christmas, and you answer 'perfume'. Not necessarily that someone asks you 'how many presents did you receive?', which would be crass.

Exactly. I don't think anyone has ever asked me how many presents I received in my entire life.

Gift giving should involve personal thought - or just don't bother.

To be clear do you have to buy all the presents on the list, or amongst the group of siblings and partners, the presents need to be bought? i.e. you buy for just the one Brother and then perhaps the Sister buys for your DH?

If all... wow that adds up!

I would refuse to partake in this, it's a cynical exercise which has no meaning at all. I would rather stay and home.

@ClintBartonsWife

My ex's family were £20 notes in the cards all around!

@LampLighter414

To be clear do you have to buy all the presents on the list, or amongst the group of siblings and partners, the presents need to be bought? i.e. you buy for just the one Brother and then perhaps the Sister buys for your DH?

If all... wow that adds up!

You have to buy a gift for everyone. MIL doesn't include her own name on the list, but a gift is expected.

@GADDay

Gift giving should involve personal thought - or just don't bother.

Exactly! I love finding gifts for loved ones when I get to choose and find something they'd love that is a real surprise. This just kills all that.

Gift giving should involve personal thought - or just don't bother

Just because you say it, doesn’t make it true.

I wouldn't be buying anything that my mil told me to get for her children. Who does she think she is

@HeddaGarbled

Gift giving should involve personal thought - or just don't bother

Just because you say it, doesn’t make it true.

Why else give a gift? It is not compulsory (unless you are OPs MIL).

This bizarre enforced swapping of often unwanted tat or vouchers (the gift that says I can't be arsed to make an effort), is IMO just silly. If you don't care enough about somebody to choose a gift then why give them anything at all?

Personally I prefer to receive something I actually want!…. Is a right pain having to take stuff back to the shops when you don’t live near any. Or it cluttering up your house until you eventually charity shop it.

We used to do secret Santa for the adults in my family but it got a bit ridiculous as we all swapped ideas and often just exchanged vouchers. DBs are in their 50s and just don’t need anything. We’ve scrapped buying gifts two years ago which sil thinks is very bah humbug. The point of Xmas is spending time together though.

I love giving presents but I find buying for adults really hard. I'd rather have prescriptive guidance than waste money on presents they won't use.

Fortuitously we only buy for our parents and just the kids for siblings. I'm also happy to get a website link for the kids' presents I buy. Not because I'm lazy and not willing to put in the time, but I'd rather give presents that I know will be enjoyed and aren't duplicates.

We used to do this kind of madness with my brother and sister in law. We'd send them a list of dvds and CDs we wanted and they'd send us the same. Eventually we figured it was better to buy our own.

For some things, having a specific link to a particular thing is useful and saves people getting something which is similar but not actually the thing they want. But a bit of a surprise is nice. When my mum asks what I want I try to give a vague answer like "warm gloves" and let her choose the design/brand etc.

I think the issue here is the controlling and the MIL telling everyone what to do. My ex-SIL used to do this. She decided that we should spend x amount on her son, and sent us lists of stuff to choose from. Any presents not from the list were frowned upon. And they would spend the same amount on my three kids (in total, so my kids got a third of the value of presents than her son!!!) I didn't really care about the money as my kids got plenty from us and grandparents but I did object to her deciding what we should do.

Present buying is optional and how much you spend and what you buy should be up to the buyer. These days we give my nephew a gift voucher and my useless brother gives my kids nothing. They don't seem to have noticed and get plenty at Xmas so I don't care.

@JKDinomum thats nuts! She sounds like me estranged FIL who was an utter control freak and loved to make decisions like that for others as well!

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