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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

70th party & Nits

86 replies

Sofa2021 · 06/12/2021 20:29

NC for this.

My FIL is having a small 70th party in January.
It will be for immediate family only, about 20people.
BIL will be there with his 5children
(All under 10).
The 5 DC have ALWAYS got nits because BIl and SIL rarely treat them.
I have 2x DC who have got nits from their cousins 6x so far.
Dh and I have gone LC with BIL for a while because of this issue (and a few others issues too)
We have had to see them at some family events and sometimes they've turned up at Inlaws house when we've been there.
The DC have all played together , despite us trying to keep ours at a distance.
Nit repelent has worked a few times and failed other times- I had been keeping a bottle in baby change bag incase we met up unexpectantly!

I've told DH that I dont want us to go to the 70th party, as I've had enough of paying for nit solution and spraying us with nit repelent , ( It stinks) incase we bump into BIL and his kids.

DH agrees but feels we have to go as Its FIL milestone bday.

The whole family is aware of the nit issue and have told BIL so many times- Nothing is done.

AIBU to not go to party?

OP posts:
williremember · 06/12/2021 20:31

You can't blame FIL for something out of his control. Tie hair back, hairspray and go

fiftiesmum · 06/12/2021 20:37

Unlike covid if the children pass head lice (not nits they are the empty egg shells) to older people it doesn't have the potential to kill them. Tie hair back where possible and give a good comb through afterwards

IrishCharm · 06/12/2021 20:40

Try using tee tree shampoo - it’sa good repellant. I don’t think yabu but you can’t not go because of ‘them’ and disappoint the party host x

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/12/2021 20:41

I’d probably let DH go alone!

If you go, can you put some sort of head covering or something on your kids Grin Is the party fancy dress? Otherwise hair firmly tied back and sprayed.

Or ask PIL to have a firm word, or ask BIL not to bring his kids if they can’t guarantee nit free

Neolara · 06/12/2021 20:43

I appreciate it's annoying but I think you're being ridiculous to not go to a significant family event over this issue.it's just nits, not some life threatening highly contagious disease.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 06/12/2021 20:44

Hedrin Protect and Go Spray, Head Lice Protection Treatment, 8 x Treatments – 200ml www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00E5DMB3C/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_CT5Z8E79NZ4W17C2A8MG?psc=1&_encoding=UTF8&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Is this any good?

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 06/12/2021 20:46

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

Hedrin Protect and Go Spray, Head Lice Protection Treatment, 8 x Treatments – 200ml www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B00E5DMB3C/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_CT5Z8E79NZ4W17C2A8MG?psc=1&_encoding=UTF8&tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Is this any good?

Been using this on dd since she started school.and she has never had nits so l think it is great!
Underthestairsbears · 06/12/2021 20:47

The green kids Vosene has head lice repellent in it. Use that and give the kids' hair a good brush, then a wash and not comb after if you're worried.

Original poster
Sofa2021 · 06/12/2021 21:00

It's not FIL fault ofcourse.

But when does it stop? Our dc are young under 4, So many more family gatherings to come.
I dont understand why BIL just doesnt treat the kids,it really is all the time, surely it boarders neglect?

There will be atleast 8 family gatherings this coming year and I'm starting to resent the fact BIL just expects everyone to make sure they have replent ect on , whilst he doesnt care for his dc enough to treat them.
Its also quite sad to see them constantly scratch, I doubt they know what it feels like to not have nits.

OP posts:
ChangeChingyChange · 06/12/2021 21:27

Ew how disgusting of the parents letting this happen. The poor kids must be so uncomfortable and itchy. YANBU.

Iloveacurry · 06/12/2021 21:32

You’re not being unreasonable! I’m sure your BIL and SIL also have nits too if their 5 kids continually have them.

Needsleep32 · 06/12/2021 21:32

I do get what you mean. My girls had nits twice in quick succession, I suspect from someone at school taking a while to treat their child. It’s really annoying.

But, it’s a milestone. Definitely go.

Fomofo · 06/12/2021 21:42

You can make a spray that repels them, I think it's a mixture of tea tree oil and lavender etc

Wondergirl100 · 06/12/2021 21:45

Is this for real? Are your kids in school yet? I'm presuming not.

I CONSTANTLY remove nits from my kids hair - they are 7 and 9 and literally impossible to keep them nit free - I have done full treatment on our whole family several times.

It's really really annoying but there is no way in a million years that this is a good reason not to see people or to avoid a milestone party.

I find it hard to believe this post is real you are being so unreasonable.

Nits are not going to hurt your kids - buy a good nit comb and so what if they pick up a few nits = once they are in school you are going to be in for a shock.

saraclara · 06/12/2021 21:45

So you plan to punish FIL for BIL's rubbishness? That makes no sense.

As people have said, use repellent, tie hair back.

Switch82 · 06/12/2021 21:48

Sorry this isn’t normal!! Of course this is neglect!! Why the hell are people saying just go? Poor kids Confused

Switch82 · 06/12/2021 21:49

PS my kids have had nits twice and it is possible with a lot of hard work to keep them nit free

Wondergirl100 · 06/12/2021 21:49

Erm. Nobody is saying it is normal to leave nits untreated - but children are exposed again and again to nits in normal life - that's just unfortunate but realistic. It is absolutely not a reason to avoid those children or avoid a milestone birthday.

Hankunamatata · 06/12/2021 21:50

If you have boys with short hair the one treat leave in stuff is easy to stick into their hair as looks like gel.

hellosunshineagainx · 06/12/2021 21:50

Poor kids. Also it's annoying but can't believe you don't let your kids play with their cousins because their parents are neglecting them. I was neglected as a kid it wasn't usually the kids that were cruel to me it was their parents

Hankunamatata · 06/12/2021 21:51

Friend braids her daughters hair into a french plait after putting in the hedrin once

Totalwasteofpaper · 06/12/2021 21:52

Yanbu. I couldn't be arsed with denitting them this close to christmas.

Go early for Birthday Brunch and make it extra special. Smoked salmon really good quality croissants and bacon and sausages etc.

Let your DH stay for the day and you take the kids home before the big bash

GrowThroughWhatYouGoThrough · 06/12/2021 21:52

Plaits hairspray and hats??

fruitpastille · 06/12/2021 21:56

It's back breaking work combing nits/head lice out of my dds long hair enough times to properly get rid of them.

6 times! That is way beyond normal. I wouldn't want to go either. Headlice can cause really unpleasant patches on the scalp which can become infected so I would be concerned for the untreated children.

DelphiniumBlue · 06/12/2021 21:57

Tie back their hair, use repellent, or /and let them wear hats/beanies/scarves.