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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

70th party & Nits

86 replies

Sofa2021 · 06/12/2021 20:29

NC for this.

My FIL is having a small 70th party in January.
It will be for immediate family only, about 20people.
BIL will be there with his 5children
(All under 10).
The 5 DC have ALWAYS got nits because BIl and SIL rarely treat them.
I have 2x DC who have got nits from their cousins 6x so far.
Dh and I have gone LC with BIL for a while because of this issue (and a few others issues too)
We have had to see them at some family events and sometimes they've turned up at Inlaws house when we've been there.
The DC have all played together , despite us trying to keep ours at a distance.
Nit repelent has worked a few times and failed other times- I had been keeping a bottle in baby change bag incase we met up unexpectantly!

I've told DH that I dont want us to go to the 70th party, as I've had enough of paying for nit solution and spraying us with nit repelent , ( It stinks) incase we bump into BIL and his kids.

DH agrees but feels we have to go as Its FIL milestone bday.

The whole family is aware of the nit issue and have told BIL so many times- Nothing is done.

AIBU to not go to party?

OP posts:
ChangeChingyChange · 06/12/2021 22:28

@Wondergirl100

Is this for real? Are your kids in school yet? I'm presuming not.

I CONSTANTLY remove nits from my kids hair - they are 7 and 9 and literally impossible to keep them nit free - I have done full treatment on our whole family several times.

It's really really annoying but there is no way in a million years that this is a good reason not to see people or to avoid a milestone party.

I find it hard to believe this post is real you are being so unreasonable.

Nits are not going to hurt your kids - buy a good nit comb and so what if they pick up a few nits = once they are in school you are going to be in for a shock.

Er sorry I think you're not "for real" here. Its not normal to constantly find nits on your kids. Not normal at all. I'd rethink whatever you're using to treat them.
Theunamedcat · 06/12/2021 22:35

My friend ended up with a social worker one of the referrals was for persistently not treating head lice (for years)

Pawprintpaper · 06/12/2021 22:51

Swimming hats?

Funnylittlefloozie · 06/12/2021 23:00

And voila. The hand wringing threads about preventing another child murder are still in full flow, and yet people are back suggesting that nits = neglect and to keep your precious darlings away from the nitty ones. Some people couldn't be compassionate if they tried.

lanthanum · 06/12/2021 23:16

Make all the kids hats with "Grandad's 70th" on - to wear throughout the party? There must be someone does customised hats...

FrangipaniBlue · 06/12/2021 23:27

@Wondergirl100

Is this for real? Are your kids in school yet? I'm presuming not.

I CONSTANTLY remove nits from my kids hair - they are 7 and 9 and literally impossible to keep them nit free - I have done full treatment on our whole family several times.

It's really really annoying but there is no way in a million years that this is a good reason not to see people or to avoid a milestone party.

I find it hard to believe this post is real you are being so unreasonable.

Nits are not going to hurt your kids - buy a good nit comb and so what if they pick up a few nits = once they are in school you are going to be in for a shock.

Eh???

DS is almost 14 and only had nits once.

I'd say regularly getting them isn't normal.

Cheerbear24 · 06/12/2021 23:40

I refute that it’s impossible to keep kids nit free. DD has caught them twice and I caught them off her both times, and got rid of them quickly both times. You need to invest the time and energy to painstakingly repeatedly comb them out. it can lead to itching, soreness and scabs on the scalp if untreated (feeling lousy).
For OP’s party I’d insist on tying hair back, regular tea tree sprays and keeping their heads well away.

SequinsandStiIettos · 06/12/2021 23:45

Hedrin protect spray is not greasy, smells like mango and is gorgeous. I'd use that, plait their hair if girls, use hairgel spikes if boys or put Winter hats on all of them and say why in no uncertain terms.

CloudyStorms · 06/12/2021 23:49

Let DH deal with the nits

turnaroundtime · 07/12/2021 00:29

@Wondergirl100

Is this for real? Are your kids in school yet? I'm presuming not.

I CONSTANTLY remove nits from my kids hair - they are 7 and 9 and literally impossible to keep them nit free - I have done full treatment on our whole family several times.

It's really really annoying but there is no way in a million years that this is a good reason not to see people or to avoid a milestone party.

I find it hard to believe this post is real you are being so unreasonable.

Nits are not going to hurt your kids - buy a good nit comb and so what if they pick up a few nits = once they are in school you are going to be in for a shock.

If you are constantly having to de-louse your dc then something is very wrong. It's not normal to be constantly finding nits. Maybe you are not clearing them properly each time.
Udouhun · 07/12/2021 00:33

That's neglect on Bils part and absolutely disgusting Hmm I wouldn't take children anywhere near.

RedSquirrelsAreAwesome · 07/12/2021 00:36

YANBU

BIL is neglecting his DC’s and he should be reported to SS ASAP for this. It’s appalling he is leaving them to be eaten alive by nits and infecting anyone else in close proximity.

I agree with you entirely about not going. It’s a shame to miss the party but why should you put your children and yourselves in the path of a troup of nits yet again. They are horrible little buggers and I’d steer well clear too.

Grayskelly · 07/12/2021 01:27

Dimethicone, which is the main ingredient in treseme conditioner, smothers and kills nits. They can't live in it. Comb that through your kids hair beforehand, then just style as usual. Comb it out after with a lice comb. Australian nits are resistant to chemicals and dimethicone is the only thing that works.
It's better than any chemicals on the market, and probably safer for kids too.

Grayskelly · 07/12/2021 01:38

@turnaroundtime I've been through endless nits. It's partly because some are missed and partly because they are getting reinfected. @Wondergirl100 is not the loan ranger of the lice world. They are persistent little fuckers.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/12/2021 01:44

Are they neglectful in other ways? Are the kids clean and well fed? Is the house clean?

I actually think it's about time someone in your family stood up and spoke out for these kids in very plain terms and by that I mainly mean your DH if it's his brother, or their parents.

It's neglectful and abusive to leave his children in that state constantly.

And yes I'd go to the party for FIL, spray your kids and put their hair back

immersivereader · 07/12/2021 01:46

Santa hats for all the family?

SleepingStandingUp · 07/12/2021 01:49

@Funnylittlefloozie

And voila. The hand wringing threads about preventing another child murder are still in full flow, and yet people are back suggesting that nits = neglect and to keep your precious darlings away from the nitty ones. Some people couldn't be compassionate if they tried.
You want people to be compassionate to the nit-ridden kids but not enough to call out their parents parenting as neglectful, which it is because they're failing to treat their condition adequately. Their heads must be so sore and uncomfortable and they'll likely be billed at school because everyone will know their the nut family.
KosherDill · 07/12/2021 02:02

That is neglect.

They won't change if there are no consequences.

Send your DH alone and tell FIL why.

PicaK · 07/12/2021 04:39

Go to the party. Its too important to miss.
Make damn sure you or someone else in the family reports the nit infected, untreated children to SS with accurate times and dates. Turning a blind eye to neglect is almost as bad as neglect itself.

DanceInTheKitchen · 07/12/2021 04:45

I wouldn’t go. And I’d report them for neglect. What else are they not doing in terms of care for their children? Disgusting.

DanceInTheKitchen · 07/12/2021 04:51

Some people couldn't be compassionate if they tried.

The compassionate thing to do for children who have parents who do not meet their basic care needs, is to report the parents.
I feel sorry for the children and would report to hopefully get the issue addressed. And to have the family checked for any other issues or support needed to give them a better life.
It is not normal or acceptable to not treat nits. They are itchy and uncomfortable. Children can end up with sore scabs and bleeding scalps. They can be bullied due to it.

Rangoon · 07/12/2021 05:31

Go nuclear - report the BIL to SS for neglect. Protect your children - they don't care that they are milestone lice if they get infected for the 7th time. Your FIL keeps inviting the afflicted ones - you can decide not to indulge in this madness. Why on earth would you want your children to play with their five lice afflicted cousins!

You say that the whole family is aware of the nit issue and has told BIL so many times but nothing is done. Your FIL has a choice. Your responsibility is to your children and I wouldn't be dousing my child in chemicals or spending hours nit combing because the BIL and his partner are simply lazy slobs.

peaceatlastnot · 07/12/2021 06:07

Sorry, haven’t even read the whole post but just chuckled as I remembered seeing my dd scratching her head furiously at my dad’s 70th and thinking ‘uh oh’!!

MissTrip82 · 07/12/2021 06:08

What did social services say when you reported this neglect?

peaceatlastnot · 07/12/2021 06:08

And I didn’t know beforehand

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