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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

70th party & Nits

86 replies

Sofa2021 · 06/12/2021 20:29

NC for this.

My FIL is having a small 70th party in January.
It will be for immediate family only, about 20people.
BIL will be there with his 5children
(All under 10).
The 5 DC have ALWAYS got nits because BIl and SIL rarely treat them.
I have 2x DC who have got nits from their cousins 6x so far.
Dh and I have gone LC with BIL for a while because of this issue (and a few others issues too)
We have had to see them at some family events and sometimes they've turned up at Inlaws house when we've been there.
The DC have all played together , despite us trying to keep ours at a distance.
Nit repelent has worked a few times and failed other times- I had been keeping a bottle in baby change bag incase we met up unexpectantly!

I've told DH that I dont want us to go to the 70th party, as I've had enough of paying for nit solution and spraying us with nit repelent , ( It stinks) incase we bump into BIL and his kids.

DH agrees but feels we have to go as Its FIL milestone bday.

The whole family is aware of the nit issue and have told BIL so many times- Nothing is done.

AIBU to not go to party?

OP posts:
CloudyStorms · 07/12/2021 06:15

Are the family quite hard up? Could you and DH buy them nit treatment for the week before?

HelloDulling · 07/12/2021 06:24

@Wondergirl100

Is this for real? Are your kids in school yet? I'm presuming not.

I CONSTANTLY remove nits from my kids hair - they are 7 and 9 and literally impossible to keep them nit free - I have done full treatment on our whole family several times.

It's really really annoying but there is no way in a million years that this is a good reason not to see people or to avoid a milestone party.

I find it hard to believe this post is real you are being so unreasonable.

Nits are not going to hurt your kids - buy a good nit comb and so what if they pick up a few nits = once they are in school you are going to be in for a shock.

Really? My DCs are teens now: DD has never had then, DS only once. School definitely doesn’t mean you’re constantly infested, so long as you treat and repeat.
christmaspavlova · 07/12/2021 06:36

Have your hubby go alone. Say the dc have colds that you don't want to pass on.

GemmaRuby · 07/12/2021 06:41

Has your DH actually mentioned this to his brother?

ivegotdreadfulpmttoday · 07/12/2021 06:45

Send each member of BIL's family ( including parents) a nitty gritty comb for Christmas. They've been told and are doing fuck all about it. It's not child murder but it is neglectful.

Wannabegreenfingers · 07/12/2021 06:53

It's 100% possible to treat nits and not keep getting them. Your BIL/SIL are being neglectful.

Unfortunately I'd say you have to go for FIL sake.

Fuuuuuckit · 07/12/2021 07:36

In my school, repeated/constant headline infections is treated very much as a safeguarding issue and would be dealt with as neglect. I would certainly be expecting a parental meeting to discuss.

Do you know the school your dnephews/dnieces are at to make a safeguarding concern?

We've had a couple of rounds of nits at home, only ever used stuff from the pound shop and lots and lots of time with the nit comb and conditioner.

RealBecca · 07/12/2021 07:40

I actually dont think yabu, nits are uncomfortable and i wouldnt choose to socialise woth someone with nits knowing id have to treat myself after so why put kids through it deliberately.

But choose when to pick your battle.

beautifullymad · 07/12/2021 08:22

Easy one!

Nuts do not like hair spray. Get a low hold non low fragranced one and spray the children. If hair is long enough to be tied back do this and Spray before and after you plait.

You are basically giving the nits the least opportunity to climb on . They don't jump. And they hate crispy surfaces so a good layer of hair spray will deter them.

Thegreencup · 07/12/2021 08:28

I take it your kids aren't in school yet Hmm

Just wait for the weekly emails about kids in your kids class having nits.

I'm guessing your kids also have long hair? If so, tie it back or get it cut.

CaptainMyCaptain · 07/12/2021 08:31

Hair spray seems to be a good repellent - in over 30 years of teaching small children I never caught head lice. Tie their hair back and ask them not to cuddle up to the other children - head lice don't jump they walk across from direct contact. When you get home wash their hair, apply plenty of conditioner and comb it through with a nit comb (I did this every time I washed my hair when I was teaching) to remove any stray lice. Repeat this a couple of days later.

JustDanceAddict · 07/12/2021 08:34

Nits are annoying but aren’t dangerous, so go.
I’d do a precautionary nit comb afterwards w conditioner to get any buggers that have jumped on.

Emilygoesa · 07/12/2021 08:38

As said above, a compromise would work. Quick visit before the cousins arrive and let husband stay. Its not fair on any of the children. Yours should not have to suffer again. The nit parents are being negligent and should not be allowed to infect other children again.

BigSandyBalls2015 · 07/12/2021 08:39

Christ it’s nits not covid! What a lot of angst about something so trivial. Just get them in the bath when you get home and comb through conditioner with a bit comb. Someone does need to speak to your bil/Sil though as it’s not fair on their kids to be left untreated.

rookiemere · 07/12/2021 08:41

I'd go for nit repellent, then swimming caps topped with beanie hats Grin. Anyone asks - you don't want to be dealing with nits so close to Christmas.

ThePlantsitter · 07/12/2021 08:43

Was starting this thread just an excuse to slag your BIL off? Because I can't imagine anyone in real life missing a parents' milestone birthday to avoid nits. Arev you prepared to let your kids miss their granddad's day because you don't want an awkward conversation with your BIL- or just nits, they don't kill you? If so you need to think about what matters in life because I think you've got it wrong currently.

GemmaRuby · 07/12/2021 08:46

Arev you prepared to let your kids miss their granddad's day because you don't want an awkward conversation with your BIL

Why should OP have to have the awkward conversation? Surely DH should be telling his DB that he doesn’t want DC repeatedly catching lice from their cousins.

ThePlantsitter · 07/12/2021 08:47

@GemmaRuby

Arev you prepared to let your kids miss their granddad's day because you don't want an awkward conversation with your BIL

Why should OP have to have the awkward conversation? Surely DH should be telling his DB that he doesn’t want DC repeatedly catching lice from their cousins.

Well sure. That wasn't really my point.
rookiemere · 07/12/2021 08:47

I missed the obvious solution. DH deals with any nit related issues that result due to the get together.

girlmom21 · 07/12/2021 08:49

Surely your husband phones his brother and says "make sure your kids don't have nits before dads party - I'm fed up of our kids catching them", no?

Just10moreminutesplease · 07/12/2021 08:56

I think attending a close family member’s 70th is worth the annoyance of doing a nit treatment. He’s their grandad.

Though I would feel a bit ick about it all.

Suzanne999 · 07/12/2021 08:57

I think it would be sad for your FIL if you and your children missed his party.
Tie hair back, spray with an unscented hair spray and wash and nit comb when you get home.
BIL sounds like a very uncaring parent. If their children seem infected at the party could you send them a note, text or email afterwards pointing out that constant infestation is child neglect and the school/s or SS might intervene? Might be enough to push them into action.

JustcameoutGC · 07/12/2021 08:57

I think i am with you OP. We have onlybhad nits once. My eldest has sensory issues and incredibly think hair, getting the nitty gritty through took hours and was hugely traumatic. Having to do this after every family gathring would be a big no from me. I would be writing to let them know we werent coming and why.

SleepingStandingUp · 07/12/2021 09:32

@Thegreencup

I take it your kids aren't in school yet Hmm

Just wait for the weekly emails about kids in your kids class having nits.

I'm guessing your kids also have long hair? If so, tie it back or get it cut.

Mine is and we get the regular letters about nits. Because of one family who can't be arsed to deal with it. Other families catch it once and treat it, we have one family like ops in laws who just leave the kids. We all know who they catch nits from. No one wants their kid sat next to them. School are meant to be dealing with it and we hoped lock down would be a circuit breaker. She even hacked one of the girls hair short as if that would cure it.
tangyandsalty · 07/12/2021 09:36

I CONSTANTLY remove nits from my kids hair - they are 7 and 9 and literally impossible to keep them nit free - I have done full treatment on our whole family several times.

I've had two kids go through school and only one of them ever had nits, and that was on one occasion. I don't really think it's impossible to keep your kids nit free.