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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Hosts to give up bed?

108 replies

Minister01 · 06/12/2021 19:01

We’re thinking a house warming party next year. We both live in an area that neither of us grew up and most of our friends are far and wide.

We were discussing logistics and with my idea we can get everyone travelling to stay. I mentioned that we’d stay in the living room on a blow up bed and my DP looked at me like I had three heads. I said it was rude/weird to invite someone (all of the overnight guests are couples) on the floor but he thinks it’s perfectly acceptable and refusing to give up our bed.

I also grew up believing it was rude to have the TV on when hosting/guests around?

OP posts:

Truthlikeness · 06/12/2021 22:11

I live alone but have a double bed, so I always give up my bed to visiting couples, but not solo friends. It's just the most practical option.

Kite22 · 06/12/2021 22:13

@SarahAndQuack. Yes, I realise that, hence me answering it , but I don't see a link between the two questions.
The OP put it there as if it were 'another example of her dh's odd manners' whereas I (and seemingly many other posters) think it is good manners / the right thing to not have the TV on when you have guests (unless you are all round to watch a big match, a marathon of a favourite programme, or something) but wouldn't give up our bed to friends who were coming over for a party.

Hbh17 · 06/12/2021 22:13

In 30+ years, we have always given up our bed to visitors. My friends do the same. Guests should have the best room in the house.
Also, it's incredibly rude to have the TV on when guests are present.

Iamanicepersonreally · 06/12/2021 22:14

I agree with your husband.

SarahAndQuack · 06/12/2021 22:15

[quote Kite22]@SarahAndQuack. Yes, I realise that, hence me answering it , but I don't see a link between the two questions.
The OP put it there as if it were 'another example of her dh's odd manners' whereas I (and seemingly many other posters) think it is good manners / the right thing to not have the TV on when you have guests (unless you are all round to watch a big match, a marathon of a favourite programme, or something) but wouldn't give up our bed to friends who were coming over for a party.[/quote]
Oh, sorry! I thought you were trying to figure out why that specific poster replied as you quoted them rather than the OP. I don't think they are related? Just two things she and her DP disagree about in terms of manners.

Ifonlyidknownthen · 06/12/2021 22:17

I'd expect said guests to rent local b&b to be honest, easier all round

Anoisagusaris · 06/12/2021 22:17

This is yet another thing I only hear about on MN! I don’t know anyone who gives guests their bed, or anyone who wants to sleep in their hosts bed while the host sleeps elsewhere. If there isn’t room for people to stay, then they just stay in a hotel or b&b.

Suzi888 · 06/12/2021 22:18

Have you one bedroom? I wouldn’t expect (or want) guests to stay in my living room.

BustPipes · 06/12/2021 22:22

I'm with you OP - they're the ones travelling, and it's your home, so you'll feel more comfortable with the lack of privacy/uninterrupted sleep that comes through sleeping on the floor in the lounge, say. I'd be more comfortable with us being on a blowup in the lounge than guests.

My DP wouldn't countenance it though!

PoshWatchShitShoes · 06/12/2021 22:26

I wouldn't give up my bed. As long as you let your guests know the proposed sleeping arrangements in advance, they can make alternative plans if they don't suit.

sayanythingelse · 06/12/2021 22:28

Sleeping in other people's beds gives me the ick.
Before we moved close to my in-laws, we used to stay in BILs room when we visited and I hated it. It feels so invasive to sleep in someone else's bed in their room. I'd rather sleep on an airbed.

PriamFarrl · 06/12/2021 22:32

I kind of give up my bed.
We have two bedrooms. We sleep in one and get dressed in the other. If we have guests they stay in the sleeping bedroom otherwise we would need to disturb them to get dressed.

Helpstopthepain · 06/12/2021 22:36

I agree with the tv being off but certain guests we give up our room for. MIL struggles on the futon in the spare room and the other has a single so she gets our bed. It’s also easier to put dsis in our room because all of her children go in with her and there’s lots of space on the floor for a blow up bed for them.
Others get the spare rooms.

As a child I was always made to give up my bed and hated it.

FavouriteMug · 06/12/2021 22:52

We always give up our bed it's the only time the en-suite gets cleaned

PinkSyCo · 06/12/2021 22:54

The last time I have up my bed it was when my in-laws came to stay for a week when they were in their 60’s. No way would I give it up for people around the same age as myself though.

CuddlyDudley · 06/12/2021 23:06

I used to have no objections to anyone sleeping in my bed... Until the frequent requests to give up our bedroom for a particular guest to stay, the guest expecting it that it. Both our room and spare room have a double bed, neither room has an ensuite, both rooms have space for a travel cot 🙄 just starting to think it's about being awkward

Igneo · 06/12/2021 23:09

It’s different family culture.
At big family get-togethers, We do a logic puzzle to work out how we can accommodate everyone, balancing the number of beds vs the need for privacy. Everyone’s bed could be comandeered, but try not to make it be the same person ousted every time.

It’s just about making sure your guests are as confortable as possible, and we tend to stay up talking into the night so staying at b&b wouldn’t work.

Close-knit family.

Shoemadlady · 06/12/2021 23:19

If the people you're inviting are old enough to rent or buy their own homes, they're old enough to play for a night in a hotel. You're not all teenagers?

Shoxfordian · 06/12/2021 23:21

Only invite people to stay who you have enough spare rooms for; everyone else can get a hotel

I wouldn’t be on an air mattress for anyone

redandwhite1 · 06/12/2021 23:25

I don't give up my bed however we have been to peoples houses who have for us but they have pets and my husband is allergic so it's more to do with that

julieca · 06/12/2021 23:26

I think asking people to stay in a hotel is very rude. My mum would cry.

Wheresmywoolyjumpers · 06/12/2021 23:32

I give up my bed when I have guests - it is in the biggest room.

Avocadoseed · 06/12/2021 23:37

Erw I wouldn’t want to sleep in the hosts bed at all.

I also find it weird when people turn the TV off! Hey not hearing background noise.

SarahAndQuack · 06/12/2021 23:37

@julieca

I think asking people to stay in a hotel is very rude. My mum would cry.

That doesn't make it rude, though - just your mum presumably attaches a lot of significance to being hosted in your home, so to her, you asking her to go in a hotel would indicate you had had a massive falling out or something like that, wouldn't it?

Whereas my parents would find it quite weird if we expected them to sleep in our bed or on an air mattress - they would perceive that to be most definitely the less pleasant and hospitable option compared to us recommending a nearby hotel.

Horses for courses.

julieca · 07/12/2021 00:20

@SarahAndQuack I would see it as equivalent to having people come to visit you, and you give them a list of restaurants to go to for a meal, rather than feeding them yourself. Basically you don't really want them there.

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