Hosts to give up bed?

[Minister01]

We’re thinking a house warming party next year. We both live in an area that neither of us grew up and most of our friends are far and wide.

We were discussing logistics and with my idea we can get everyone travelling to stay. I mentioned that we’d stay in the living room on a blow up bed and my DP looked at me like I had three heads. I said it was rude/weird to invite someone (all of the overnight guests are couples) on the floor but he thinks it’s perfectly acceptable and refusing to give up our bed.

I also grew up believing it was rude to have the TV on when hosting/guests around?

Would give up my bed to make guests comfortable and because the host should be last to bed and first to rise( in my culture)

It would make me very uncomfortable if a host gave up their bed for me. I really would hate it. Unless there are good reasons - such as there being twi guests who are a couple, and the sofa would only fit one person, and that person was a close family member.

Nup, my bed, not giving it up. I think for me I was always the only one forced to give up my bed as a child when visitors stayed, my brothers never had to give up theirs so now I refuse to give it up. Plus I’ve invested a lot of money into making my bed comfy for me no one else.

This completely divides people - I actually think its like religion, city/ town/ country, pets, how much contact with and proximity to your parents you want/ need and the impact of that on where you'd consider living, and obviously whether you want children - something that divides people so much couples should discuss it to see whether they're on the same page before moving in together 😂

I absolutely hate the idea of anyone else sleeping in our bed - it illogically makes me feel a bit nauseous (I know its illogical because I happily stay in hotels and in fact have backpacked extensively and stayed happily in dorms that really should probably have made me nauseous, but its still how I feel). My bedroom isn't a public part of the house.

Some people think its really bed manners not to give guests the beds and family budge up. I was always made to give up my bedroom as a child but my parents never gave up theirs (my siblings rarely had to either unless multiple guest rooms were needed - the location of my rom made itvthe first one given to guests). I expect thats partly why I'm territorial now.

I do also feel very uncomfortable with sleeping in my hosts bed too - some people are really lovely and want their guests to be comfortable - the host's bed might be physically comfortable but psychologically it's very uncomfortable!

I would and I have, and have slept in a friends bed too when circumstances made it the more workable option

I only give up my bed for my parents (both late 70s). Anyone else can sleep on the floor /sofa or book in to a B&B.

I’d hate to sleep in someone else’s bed! Would much sooner sleep on a sofa or the floor!!

YABU on the sole basis that there will be several couples. Who gets your bed? Unless you have enough beds for everyone except yourselves.

Also are you from different cultures? Even so it's a bit like having a child I'm afraid. You can't force the one who doesn't want it to give up their bed. Tell guests the sleeping arrangements and if they're not happy they can book a hotel or choose not to come.

*not sole

Hell would freeze over before I gave up my bed. Just let them know it's an airbed or a b&b / hotel and let them decide. I couldn't sleep on an airbed so I'd choose the hotel even if you offered me your bed. I wouldn't terf you out either.

I think both of those things are part of good hospitality

Like @UntilYourNextHairBrainedScheme noone, literally noone gets my bed, it makes me feel all repulsed just thinking about it. I genuinely wouldn't have people to stay if I thought they might have a 'need' to sleep in my bed rather than the spare bed. Noone has ever slept in it apart from DH and me.

Even when someone stays in the spare room I strip the bed as soon as they've gone.

I know it's a bit weird.

Yes I always had to give up my bed at home. I am amazed at how inhospitable so many MNers are.

I gave my bed up once to a couple - the woman ended up smashing a vase on my bedroom table - didn't bother to tell me, I found it in bits on the floor after they left. I was very pissed off because it had a lot of sentimental value to me. Since then, guests who want to stay overnight can get themselves a hotel or b&b (I'm in a one bedroom flat).

And yes, having the TV on when you've got guests is rude, unless it's a viewing party of course...

Yuk, I'd never give up my bed or allow anyone to sleep in it - makes me feel sick

Your bed is your private space

I wouldn't give up my bed (unless it were the only bed and the person staying had some sort of physical difficulty).
It creates more work both changing sheets and clearing the 'stuff' that
generally is hanging about in our room, but I also think of my room as being private, and other people don't go in there.

I also don't understand - if you have several people staying - how you would choose one couple over the others ?

yes, it’s rude to have the TV on when you have guests, unless you are all watching something in particular and of interest to everyone. though. Not sure how that is connected to have people sleeping in your bed.

Don't give up your bed!

However I wouldn't travel so far to a house warming party that I had to stay over.

I wouldn't give up my bed, I'd also circulate info about local B&Bs if some people would prefer to stay there (but make it clear that an air bed on the floor is also available).

@Kite22, the OP asked about TV as well, that's what people are responding to.

I give up my bed for elderly relatives- and that's it. I do have comfortable spare beds though, now our friends are all in their 50s (no more futons).

Zero chance of me giving up my bed. I’m not a good sleeper at the best of times. If they don’t like then they can get an Airbnb or a hotel

I wouldn't give up my bed, and wouldn't feel comfortable sleeping in someone else's bed as a guest.

It's a cultural thing. My BIL is Hong Kong Chinese and will not have guests stay in poorer conditions than the host. If we go to stay with them we get a big room and if several of us are staying my BIL and DB will move into the smallest room if needed to give guests the best spaces.
In my family we had a guest room which was nice even though the children were sharing, and at Christmas we would all sleep on the floors/share beds to give beds to guests.
In my own house, since we have become a blended family we haven't had enough room to even squeeze up for quests, so I book rooms at the local BandB.
In your case OP I'd give up my bed for older or ill guests but if it is a gang of peers then everyone should muddle in together.

I wouldn't give up my bed except for an elderly, pregnant, or unwell person I loved. No to anyone else!

I also don't see why it makes a difference if guests are single or a couple, unless it's purely logistical (easiest way to fit everyone in). Couples can sleep apart when visiting, if that's how it works out. It won't kill them to sleep in separate beds or cots!

And from the other side, I'd rather sleep on the sofa than turf someone out of their own bed.

@Restart10

I would really feel uncomfortable and rude expecting anyone to sleep on a blow up bed in the living room. If I don't have the space, I wouldn't invite them.

I’d feel rude not at least offering.

This thread is really weird actually.