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To be completely and utterly drained from all this uncertainty?
151

Borisjohnsonshairbrush · 06/12/2021 13:26

Supposed to be abroad from the 18th Dec to 5th Jan in the far East but I'm dreading it. 4 pcrs each to do. Travel rules constantly changing. My anxiety is through the roof

I'm going to do an Xmas food shop on the 17th I'm case it all goes tits up. I hate all this not knowing I genuinely don't think I can take another year.

I know we should "suck it up" but never having anything to even focus on or look forward to is just utter and pure misery. Life is for living and I'm sick to death of constant bad news about covid etc

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Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

CaliforniaDrumming · 06/12/2021 17:45

The miserable old gits on this thread...

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Legomania · 06/12/2021 17:47

@HelplesslyHoping

Just don't go. Then you have no death or illness guilt or worries

I don't think the op mentioned having death or illness guilt Hmm
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PickAndChooseMe · 06/12/2021 17:51

Ffs there are some shitty, bitter people on here!

Completely with you OP, my home country was taken off the red list in October. I immediately booked my tickets to spend Christmas over there. I was going to see my family and friends after 3 years. I’ve had 6 weeks of anticipation and excitement and now back to square one.

People who don’t have family overseas aren’t very sympathetic I’ve found so I can’t even talk about it This is so true.

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Werehamster · 06/12/2021 17:56

My advice is relax - what will be will be!

Seriously!?

We haven't seen my parents for years now. They are getting older all the time. I literally don't know if I will ever see them again. To travel at the moment means spending thousands extra on PCR tests and quarantine hotels. Money that I can't afford. To wait and book flights at the last minute will also mean spending thousands extra. The quarantine means taking weeks off work, which I also can't afford. I know none of this can't be helped, but maybe try showing some empathy. This has been really hard on a lot of people. It's not very nice to just tell people to chill.

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BoredZelda · 06/12/2021 18:04

Yeah let’s never be disappointed or frustrated about missing out on anything nice or fun or exciting because (all together now)

Disappointed sure. Frustrated maybe. Anxiety through the roof? A bit extreme.

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HesterShaw1 · 06/12/2021 18:15

@Glassofshloer

Christmas, birthdays, special events etc.. I mean that is ‘life’, isn’t it? Given the rest is work/chores/sleep? So we have every right to complain about missing holidays etc. I find this competitive Puritanism about who can be happiest with the least, or the most grateful to be alive, quite a sad reflection on our self worth. It also makes poor treatment of the public by the government more acceptable by lowering our standards.

Absolutely this

And the people who leap on threads thinking they'll get in there first to say it, seem pathetic and spiteful. It's a pretty poor reflection on them.

Same people as used to howl "People are DYING!" when someone posted about how hard they were finding lockdown.
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PinkAndPurpleClouds · 06/12/2021 19:05

@HeartsAndClubs

I do wonder wether this pandemic will make people think twice about e.g. accepting jobs abroad.

So often people post their dilemmas asking whether to move to x or y country, and people are so quick to say “well, you can always visit/they can visit you,” but now we see first-hand that that isn’t necessarily true.

I think it’s shit for people to be abroad and away from family at the moment, but I do also think that in future those who might want to consider moving abroad need to be realistic about the possibility that if they do they might not see family for years during which time their children will grow up and have a limited relationship with them.

I grew up abroad at a time where people really didn’t travel home regularly, it just wasn’t the done thing, and we didn’t come back for 10 years. Now I have a whole load of extended family, cousins, aunts, uncles etc who I have 0 relationship with, because I just didn’t grow up with them in my life. They’re family in name now only, and I think that is a reality people need to consider when they’re also thinking of moving abroad in the future.

Agree. Not a popular view @HeartsAndClubs but you have made some good points.

I have to admit, I would never move to another country thousands of miles away unless I had no-one in my life here who meant anything to me. No-one in my extended family has ever moved abroad, and neither have any family members of most people I know.

I just don't understand why people do it to be honest. I get why people travel of course, and have done so myself quite extensively in the past, and I even get why people want to work abroad for a short spell, like a season or two... but not PERMANENTLY moving away to another country. I don't understand it. As I said, I would only move abroad if I had no-one here who means anything to me.

Of the few people I know who have moved abroad over the past 20-30 years (several to Australia, several to Spain, and several to NZ,) they have ALL become disjointed from their family and are really not ever included in anything. They have completely separate lives, and their children don't know their extended family in the UK. They mean nothing to them.

My neighbour 4 doors away had her parents move to South Africa 4 years ago, and she had her first baby in mid 2019, and she bitterly resents them not being here with her and for her. Especially through the covid pandemic. She has only seen them twice in that 4 years; once in mid 2018 when she popped to see them for a week, and once, when they came in August 2021 for 10 days, but even then, it was awkward as she felt so detached from them. She also felt like they had let her down. Maybe some will say she's unreasonable, but this is how she felt...

Someone said further back in the thread, 'people who don't have family abroad don't have any empathy or understanding' but why should they? Confused Most people can't fathom why people move away from people they purport to love.
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Peanutmnm · 06/12/2021 19:09

Two plans.

One where you fly.

One where you take all the lovely stuff out of the freezer and spend the week just focusing on how lucky you are to be alive, well, fed and together.

Both are fabulous options.

And there is certainty you will do one of them so make that the plan.

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CaliforniaDrumming · 06/12/2021 19:13

@PinkAndPurpleClouds Because there are many people who are not as privileged as you have been to live in a first world country with free healthcare, many benefits, relative safety, employment, equality for women.... I could go on.

Are you really so narrowminded and parochial that you cannot understand why people migrate? In this country, which was built on the back of migrants?

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AmIgoinghomeforXmas · 06/12/2021 19:13

Most people can't fathom why people move away from people they purport to love.

Pre covid we didn't see much less of our family living in the USA than we did in the UK.
We all worked and lived hundreds of miles from each other in the UK so met up once or twice a year.
We did the same when we moved to the USA.

We all chat on SM groups, exchanging photos etc. But due to growing up in a area of economic deprivation my siblings and I all left our home area.

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Peanutmnm · 06/12/2021 19:15

I find that all very smug. Nobody EVER had to take a pandemic lasting years and years into account when they moved abroad. In most cases temporarily. I lived other side of the world for 8 years. It was SOOOO good for me, my education and my happiness. I adore my family and we are close. My greatest fear was one being ill and it taking me 24hrs to get home. But they also benefitted from my life there, amazing trips to Asia and wonderful experiences. I would never have considered a pandemic being remotely possible. And I am certain now lots of people will back off living and working abroad for as long as the memory of this time lasts. A real tragedy because time in a foreign culture like I experienced is a gift and a joy. And a special kind of education.

Smugness about people now being caught out by this just looks like insecurity and jealousy to me.

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bloodywhitecat · 06/12/2021 19:15

It is shit OP, families want to be able to celebrate together and spend time together, there is nothing wrong with that. I hope your plans come to fruition.

I am desperate to get DH home from hospital for what is likely to be his last Christmas, I don't know why because yesterday he didn't even know what 'Christmas' was. I cannot allow myself to think about me not getting him home and I too, am sick to the back teeth of covid and everything it brings.

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PinkAndPurpleClouds · 06/12/2021 19:18

@Peanutmnm

I find that all very smug. Nobody EVER had to take a pandemic lasting years and years into account when they moved abroad. In most cases temporarily. I lived other side of the world for 8 years. It was SOOOO good for me, my education and my happiness. I adore my family and we are close. My greatest fear was one being ill and it taking me 24hrs to get home. But they also benefitted from my life there, amazing trips to Asia and wonderful experiences. I would never have considered a pandemic being remotely possible. And I am certain now lots of people will back off living and working abroad for as long as the memory of this time lasts. A real tragedy because time in a foreign culture like I experienced is a gift and a joy. And a special kind of education.

Smugness about people now being caught out by this just looks like insecurity and jealousy to me.

Nope, no insecurity and jealous here. I have travelled extensively abroad over the years. I just have no desire to move away permanently from everyone I love.

And as for the 'people move away to get away from poverty and war' comment from @CaliforniaDrumming . Irrelevant. I was on about people who move away from the UK. Clearly you have reading and comprehension problems.
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CaliforniaDrumming · 06/12/2021 19:19

I knew it would become an anti-migrant thread. Stay where you are born, live where you are born, die where you are born. What a dull and joyless world it would be.

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PinkAndPurpleClouds · 06/12/2021 19:20

@CaliforniaDrumming

I knew it would become an anti-migrant thread. Stay where you are born, live where you are born, die where you are born. What a dull and joyless world it would be.

Biscuit
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CaliforniaDrumming · 06/12/2021 19:21

Obviously you love your family more than the people on this thread @PinkAndPurpleClouds. Have a cookie.

I didn't say a word about "poverty and war". That must be someone else.

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MarshaBradyo · 06/12/2021 19:23

It’s difficult

On edge of getting tickets for long haul visit

New variant made me pause

I do think we’ll look at emigrating in a different light, my family did a lot but with my dc I don’t want to be trapped apart to this extent.

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YukoandHiro · 06/12/2021 19:24

YANBU but this is why I'm just not travelling abroad at the moment. I can't take that level of uncertainty and stress, it makes me ill. So I'd rather shrink my horizons for a few years.

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Caspianberg · 06/12/2021 19:27

We live abroad as well. Ds born last year at start lockdown 1, and only just met family recently. Probably won’t again another 6+ months at which point he will be 2.5 years old!
We are now in Lockdown 4 here. So all the Christmas shopping, markets, friends over have been cancelled again.

We were hoping to have family visit for xmas, but I doubt it now. Some local friends hope to join us, but by the end of the week we will know if lockdown continues into xmas or not.

Family have never experienced Ds as a baby, or toddler really ( bar 5 days in September).

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mbosnz · 06/12/2021 19:33

I love my family, but we have, erm, complicated relationships. My heart is with my husband and my kids. What was in our best interests with the information we had at the time, was to come over to the UK, for DH's work. So that's what we did.

If anyone can tell me what article I should have read, what prophecy I should have been aware of, that meant I should have factored a pandemic in, my country's borders closing for years, meaning that previously inalienable rights to return were suspended, and severely restricted, I'd be very interested to hear.

I would love to have a happily functionally close extended family that meant that I would happily ensconce our family in all their pockets - but I don't. If you do, then I hope you count your blessings daily.

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tigger1001 · 06/12/2021 19:42

I'm not travelling so don't have that stress but op I hear you about the uncertainty.

Last year I was just resigned to a quiet Christmas with no shopping trips or days out. And that was fine. But this year it's the worry that things will have to change last minute. Either because the rules/restrictions have changed or one of us tests positive for covid. I don't like uncertainty. I get that's it's unavoidable but it does turn me into even more of a hermit than I already am.

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Borisjohnsonshairbrush · 06/12/2021 19:44

@tigger1001 you've hit the nail.

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MoominGang · 06/12/2021 19:44

We also booked to go visit family abroad for Christmas. First time in three years. We either suck up the multiple test bill and there's seven of us traveling or wait till it passes again.
In the meantime people around us managed multiple Mallorca holidays. We waited, protected the elderly, got us and the children vaccinated. And it looks like we'll have to cancel again...
I turned to a closed door at nursery today, due to covid they'll remain closed until Wednesday. I cried on the way back. It's too much to take and I'm on a brink of giving up...

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Borisjohnsonshairbrush · 06/12/2021 19:46

@MoominGang it could be worth it but it depends if you can financially take the hit? Xx

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megustalacerveza · 06/12/2021 20:00

@Titsywoo

Honestly the last couple of years have seen me go from a quite uptight perfectionist to someone pretty laid back. Admittedly I don't have to stress about holidays now although we did have that earlier this year after moving a holiday from 2020 and we gave up in the end and lost our deposit. I'm not worried about xmas - if we end up eating beans on toast who really cares? We'll be safe and warm in our own house which is more than a lot of people on this planet can say. My advice is relax - what will be will be!

Must be nice. I live alone. I spent last Xmas alone, in a tiny flat. It's easy to talk about it not being a big deal when you're allowed to have company.
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