Settle an argument please

[PuffyLittleCloud]

Nc for this.

Please vote!

Argument:

DC have covid.

Parent A has health anxiety and ocd. Their reaction to dealing with the situation is to clean a lot and limit time with time with DC in the same room, open windows, wear masks etc. Therefore, their time has been spent on cleaning and not with DC, doing delightful activities like crafting, baking, garden games etc.

Parent B does not suffer with those conditions. Parent B is able to WFH so has done, in an outbuilding at the end of the garden. Had a long standing arrangement for an event this weekend, which they attended, taking them out of the house for most of the day.

Parent B has criticised parent A for not spending time with DC. Parent A responded by saying Parent B chose to attend organised event rather than spend time with DC too. Parent B says this is not the same thing, and no wonder Parent A makes Parent B feel like a bad parent, it is completely different.

YABU - Parent A is right, choosing to attend the event is the same as choosing to clean rather than spend time with DC.

YANBU - Parent B is right, it is completely different, it was not a choice between an event and DC.

Parent B is right

Person A is unreasonable.

Not enough context to say.

How old are the DC? Are they old enough to entertain themselves or not?

Personally I do think choosing to clean over spending time with the DC is different to attending a previous commitment, but obviously that sort of depends on what the ‘event’ is. Was it a paid event or just going over to a mate’s for a catch up? Would they be letting anybody down by pulling out?

It also depends on how much cleaning the other parent was doing and whether it was excessive, an hour on two on essential housework at the weekend whilst kids self occupy is fine whereas spending 6 hours of the day scrubbing every single surface in the help multiple times and leaving kids to fend for themselves is a bit different.

Parent B is right

Parent A should not be cleaning instead of spending time with DC

I think the ages of the children are relevant.

As an aside I don't personally think parent B should be going to a big event if there are multiple people in the house with covid.

Parent A needs to chill out and see the doc for help with their mental health conditions. Parent B is right.

I think parent A is being unreasonable. How old are the children?

How old is the child?

If young, I wouldn’t have gone to the event if I was parent B, and parent A wasn’t spending any time with the child. But that’s not really about whether choosing to clean or choosing the event is the same, that’s just about taking care of the child when one parent feels unable to.

I’m not sure I really get the options - parent A isn’t really “choosing” it, it’s because of their mental health condition.

Both are unreasonable because it’s not a competition and kids don’t have to be the entire focus all the time…adult pastimes and tasks matter too.

Don't think parent b should have gone to an event when their kids are sick.

But parent a should have got a grip on these issues before kids really, it's a well known fact kids spread germs easily.

@MolkosTeenageAngst

Dc is 9. Dc was entertaining them self, but not alone, e.g in the living room watching tv / playing games / crafting whilst parent A was cleaning the kitchen / doing washing.

Event was not paid, part of a regular hobby with friends. Was to make up for a cancelled abroad trip. They wouldn’t be letting anybody down but the wanted to go. Parent A didn’t mind, and didn’t even mention it except in response to Parent B saying Parent A needed to be with DC. In the interest of completeness, Parent B has spent the rest of the weekend doing their own thing too.

Seriously, the amount of MNetters who take the time and effort to type out a long and detailed OP, but not tell us how old the DC in question are, is getting ridiculous.

It's always relevant.

But on the back of the info given, parent B is right.

Difficult to say without knowing age of DC

You can’t settle an argument by asking a lot of strangers to opine on a one-sided story.

B is more unreasonable as personally whatever the rules say, I don't think he should be wandering off to events with covid in the house.

A is a bit unreasonable but has MH problems they need help for.

But in the middle of all this is the most important person C, who is an unwell child and needs care and attention from both parents.

Attending the event was fine but both of you need to concentrate a bit more on your child here.

@SSOYS I am trying to be objective in how I am writing it.

@TeenMinusTests who says Parent B is male?!

@WorraLiberty DC is asymptomatic.

And also it would help if you said what person A is doing about their mental illness condition - just for more balance.

@WorraLiberty DC is asymptomatic.

They're still 9 and off school with Covid, therefore the most important person in the scenario.

Puffy It was a slip of writing, but life would be much easier if you would say who was who and then it wouldn't be all 'they' and making me think there was more than one DC.

@WorraLiberty

But in the middle of all this is the most important person C, who is an unwell child and needs care and attention from both parents.

Attending the event was fine but both of you need to concentrate a bit more on your child here.

Oh god give over. 🙄

@WorraLiberty has undertaken therapy and CBT. Managed very well now, only is an issue where there is an actual illness, but not all illness. Sick bugs, and now covid.

@TeenMinusTests apologies. But easier to write objectively like that.

So, you're parent B right?

Honestly, parent A has a medical condition (anxiety and OCD), I'd cut them some slack tbh. You both sound pretty mean and unforgiving.